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Attachment Parenting

Attached and Detached - There Is a LOT in Between!
From Our AP Forum Archives
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Page 5 . . .

From MommyJess: I guess I would describe myself as an "in-betweener" because of my practices but an AP mommy at heart. I bottlefed my older daughter Caitlynn (now three). I briefly tried to breastfeed, but with no breastfeeding support from family and immediate problems I was doomed from the start. She also slept in a crib, and like me and now her younger sister, she is a VERY active sleeper (toss and turn all night) and dh is a very heavy sleeper so bed-sharing just wasn't comfy (or safe) for anyone!

I brought Samantha to bed with me when I nursed her (but she is a restless sleeper and also very independent, only wants to be held when SHE wants) so we just follow her lead. I breastfed Samantha for her first six months until I got a horrible flu that put me in the hospital for severe dehydration. Supply was gone after that, and I just couldn't bring it back up because my recovery took awhile and Caitlynn needs extra time. Caitlynn is a special needs child. She has a speech/language disorder (currently she is labeled with PDD-NOS to facilitate services), but we suspect she may be having mild seizures. I do A LOT of my own therapies with her. In a way I am "homeschooling" her, but not really since she is only 3.

We use a double stroller because Caitlynn can't always walk long distances (stores, malls, etc) and she LOVES being near her sister (they share a room too and LOVE it). If it is a short walk, I will use the sling (used it a lot when Samantha was a newborn to carry her and nurse discretely . . . then she fought it during her independent streaks . . . now she likes it again) while holding Caitlynn's hand.

For discipline, we use verbal and physical modeling to teach "proper" behavior. I also use my extremely modified version of Magic 1,2,3 with Caitlynn. Because of her speech/language problem, she doesn't understand all of what we say, and she doesn't understand DANGER (scaring mommy A LOT). So she needs the visual cues, but I try to incorporate much more explanations and modeling of appropriate behaviors than the book says is "allowed".

Our girls go virtually everywhere with us, and if we do go out alone, my mom or IL's watch them. We are very "child-led" . . . we consider them in every decision we make!

From caallen: I have never posted here before, but lurked often. I never thought I would be an AP-er, but would do my best to raise my baby and love it as much as possible. But since I had Connor two months ago, I realized I am in between. I never thought I would sleep with my baby, but I can't stand to NOT sleep with him! I tried to breastfeed, but due to PPD, I now bottle feed (I never thought I would even try to breastfeed, but when the nurse asked, I just said I would feed him).

I agree that there is no strictly AP style, just as long as you love your baby - that's all that matters.

I definitely think co-sleeping is the most wonderful part of my day with Connor (I work) and I can't believe now many other moms on the April/May/June grad boards feel the same way!

From Krystina: It's not a surprise to most that I consider myself a little more to the AP side than just middle of the road, but not quite AP. We are still breastfeeding (13 months!), although I do see myself possibly initiating weaning someday, but I don't know . . . I'll wait and see. We co-slept for 7.5 months, until that time Mikayla was rocked to sleep for naps and bedtime - even though she fought and screamed all the way to laa-laa land. Most know that I did use CIO, but I didn't use it to get her to "sleep through the night" (which she still doesn't 3 out of 7 nights a week average). I did it because she fought me and screamed and threw herself backward over my arms all the time until I ended up with a sprained wrist. Dh worked nights so he couldn't rock her (besides she hated that more than having me rock her). Nursing her to sleep didn't work after she was 2.5 months old, laying down with her didn't work, soft music didn't work, only rocking her and letting her fight. Well I couldn't do it with my wrist (I almost dropped her 3 times before I gave in to the CIO.) I have never felt guilty about it, and Kayla has never shown any negative "side effects."

Currently she gets rocked, but not to sleep, after her bath and a nursing session. She then falls asleep listening to her heartbeat lullaby CD. And if, at any time during the night, she wakes up crying one of us immediately goes in to see what the problem is. She is picked up and soothed before going back to bed (which usually works - if that doesn't we know something is definitely wrong - like teething ) We couldn't co-sleep now, even if she wanted to. There is not enough room in our bedroom for more than our full-size bed, let alone any additional furniture (military housing). So inevitably she would have had to move to her crib after we moved here anyway. She gets held while she falls asleep for naps, or else sleeps on daddy's chest (since he works swings).

I do leave her at the day care on base on occasion, and dh and I do go out once in a while and she stays with a sitter. Perhaps some would call me weak, but I need time away - she wears me down so badly. And she loves the day care and playing with other kids her age. In a perfect world I'd live near family so they could watch her, but we like our military life and wouldn't change it.

And I think I've been pretty clear on my thoughts about discipline. So I'm not AP, but I'm not detached either (even if I did do CIO). Just ask my daughter.

Continued! . . . Page 5 of 7 - NEXT PAGE - [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7]


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