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What is your most hilarious breastfeeding experience?
~ A Message Board Archive

From Gayesy: Have you ever had a breastfeeding experience that made you: laugh so hard your sides hurt? turn beetroot red? wish the floor would open up and take you with it? It doesn't matter whether it was funny because it was unbelievably embarrassing (and you thought it was funny AFTERWARDS!! ), or just downright amusing at the time (to yourself or others).

From mom2jazzygirl: The funniest breastfeeding experience I ever had was when my daughter was only three days old, and technically, it wasn't me. She was pretty much nursing constantly. This particular morning, I had to go to the bathroom before she was done. I thrust her at my husband and asked him to take over. So, he happily laid her belly to belly on his chest while I relieved myself. As I was coming back into the room, Emily began rooting around on his chest. To his surprise, she very quickly found what she was looking for. I came into the room to his screaming. He was lifting her up in the air and screaming. Every lift that she took into the air, her head went down and his chest expanded simultaneously. Seems my little girl didn't care WHOSE nipple she got in her newborn mouth. Of course, I hadn't bothered to explain to him how to unlatch a nursing baby, I never thought he would need it! I just stood there laughing until he finally pulled her hard enough to force her to let go. I told him next time it would hurt less if he broke suction with his finger first.

From Gayesy: This happened in circumstances which were far from funny. I was in hospital with PPD, a refluxy (is that a word?) baby, and surrounded by nurses who knew NOTHING about breastfeeding and seemed determined for me to put Thomas on the bottle. On my first night there, Thomas was in the middle of his usual reflux screaming, and a nurse said, "Would you mind if I gave him a bottle of formula?" I said, "Yes, actually, I WOULD mind. Why on earth would you want to do that?" She said it was because he was starving (gee, he was only putting on a POUND a week!! ). I tried to explain that he was not screaming from hunger, that it was the reflux, but just wasn't getting through, and decided to try and comfort nurse him anyway. She INSISTED on coming into my room to "observe" because she truly believed that I "had no milk".

Here's where the FUN began!!!! Hehehehehehehe So, here she was, looking over my shoulder, scrutinising every aspect of my nursing session (who knows what she was looking for because I doubt she would have known what good attachment was if her life depended on it!) In the end, she decided that she should check Thomas's mouth to see if he had any milk in it. Well, the moment she picked to check, what would you know, I just happened to be having a VERY STRONG let-down (and I mean strong!). So I didn't argue, just slipped my little finger into his mouth to detach him, and turned (so that she could get a good look of course. You guys believe me don't you?). Oh, dear, what a shame!! She got SQUIRTED really badly right in the eye!!!!!!! Hehehehehehehehehe.

With that, she mumbled something about there obviously being "some" milk there, and quickly departed from my room. I was SOOOOO p****d off that she had wanted to scrutinise me, but pretty darned pleased (to put it mildly) that she had got what was coming to her. I still laugh about this to this day.

From Min: My breastfeeding story is funny and cute. I was feeding my younger daughter in a coffee shop. Some people were glaring at me, even though I had a blanket thrown over my shoulder. It made me very uncomfortable and I thought of going to my car. Just then my 2 1/2 year old looked over at the rude people and said, "It's only LuLu's milk. Stop looking at us, please!" I think I have a activist on my hands. Needless to say they stopped looking and I did not go to the car.

From Andrea: Well, my little girl LOVES to have her "nummies" exposed. When she was 11 months we flew out of state to attend my brother's wedding. It was our first evening there, and we were sitting in the hotel room. My parents had wandered around to check out the area. I was joined by my sister, niece and grandmother in the room. My family is VERY pro-breastfeeding, so I didn't bother too much when Celeste was pulling up my shirt to nurse the way she wanted to. Shortly the door opened. I glanced over, and to my surprise it was my brother's best man and another friend! I wasn't bothered breastfeeding, until I glanced down and realized that Celeste was on the right, and my left size F breast was completely uncovered! There were more than a couple blushing faces in the room!!

From Shelley J: My most embarrassing nursing moment certainly occurred during Christmas Eve Mass last year. The church was very crowded, and I was still not totally comfortable nursing TJ in public, so I decided to find a quiet, secluded place when he became hungry. What better place than the Eucharistic Chapel? I'd never seen anyone going in or out of it during Mass time, so I assumed I was safe. Since TJ was only two months old and I was quite the inexperienced nurser, I invariably spent a good five minutes arranging myself and TJ, and another five minutes re-arranging when I was finished. As I sat down in the last pew of the chapel, I felt very relaxed and secure in the fact that I was by myself. TJ nursed for quite awhile, and I allowed my blouse to hang open. As I wiped TJ's mouth and prepared to close my blouse, my pastor walked in and looked right at me! I was absolutely mortified, but he was very kind and nonchalant, simply commenting that I had found a good place to escape the crowd. I don't think I'll ever forget the time I gave my priest an eyeful, but I also won't forget his wonderfully understated response.

From Gwen: About a month ago my DH gave me a case of food poisoning. I was sick all night. The next day I was fine till late afternoon when I went out to eat. On my way home I realized I was going to have an *emergency* so I got off the freeway and stopped at McDonald's to use the restroom. I had Savannah with me also. So I was on the potty (I know I know) and my milk let down. I didn't think anything about it as I was preoccupied at the time. I finished up and left McDonald's. As we were walking all the way through the restaurant everyone was giving me these funny smiles. I assumed it was because of my beautiful Savannah!!! When I got out to the van I happened to look down at my shirt and there were 2 humongous wet spots where my milk had soaked through. It was VERY obvious what it was too. The thing that was even worse was I then had to go to the physical therapist's busy office and have therapy with a wet shirt. It did dry but there was still 2 huge stains. Now I know when my milk lets down to cross my arms.

From tif_bump: It is funny to me now but . . . It was three days since the arrival of my son. We had been nursing well and had a good latch, suck well etc. Then came the milk! Why didn't I know what to do? Why won't he latch on? How will I ever be able to feed my baby again? These and many other deranged thoughts rattled about in my mind at 4am, as I paced the floor with a screaming and starving baby and two very swollen breasts (and a sore nether region from the stitches!) Then a miracle . . . a midwife came, saw me bawling at the utter desperation of it all, gave me a hug and took my son while I stood under the shower. She showed me how to express just enough that Dale could get a latch-on and settled us both down in the bed side by side and instructed me how to feed lying down. I find it funny now that something so simple nearly broke my resolve. Those hormones don't mix well with sleep deprivation, do they?!

From mommy2hannah: When Hannah was born, DH was still working on finishing his thesis. When Hannah was 1 week old, he needed to go to the University library (a 1 hour drive from our house) to renew and check out some books. I wanted to go with him, because I felt kind of cooped up, and wanted out of the house. We drove there fine. I put her in my sling, and walked with him to the library. It was the end of the summer session, and quite late in the evening, and the library was PACKED with young people (mainly males for some reason) studying for final exams. Just as Kirk started working at finding his books, Hannah started rooting and fussing. Well, I already knew that Hannah absolutely HATED having anything draped over her while nursing. I also did not really know the layout of the library to try to find a quiet nook. So, I sat in the most out-of-the-way place I could find (which almost everyone could see anyway, but they were seated facing the other way).

I decided that I would just drape a thin blanket over us because we were just figuring out how to REALLY get latched on right (and I sure didn't want anyone to see my areola or something) . So, I unhooked my bra, got her into position, lifted my shirt a little bit, and draped the blanket over. She was rooting for the breast, and I lifted my shirt WAY up so I could get her on right. She latched on for a second, and then realized she had a blanket over her. She had incredible dexterity for a newborn! With one hand, she grabbed the blanket and flung it off, with the other hand, she pushed away from me as hard as she could, she released her latch, and SCREAMED the loudest I had ever heard her scream.

Well, all those young men sitting studying turned immediately to look (of course), and what they saw was a VERY angry baby holding a blanket in one hand, my shirt pulled up quite high, and my breast completely exposed. All I remember seeing were shocked eyes and bright red faces. I was mortified. When dh got back by me, he said he had heard her cry. I told him he hadn't heard the half of it, so on the way back to the car, I told him . . . he laughed!!! I swore that I would NEVER EVER cover her with a blanket again. He agreed with me and he promised never to request I cover up! Hey, I'd rather show a little areola than deal with that!!!

From lilmathieau: I was at work and was going through my normal routine of pumping and visiting the boards. Time was up and I was putting the milk in a bottle for storage and putting up my pump parts. All of a sudden I get a huge surprise. The president of the company barges in on me. I have a big colorful sign that says do not disturb on it but that didn't stop him. Luckily, he didn't see anything because I was finished. He asked me "Why is your door shut?" I said to him "I pump for my baby." He looked very confused and then said "What?" So I pointed with both hands to both of my breasts and said "I pump my milk for my baby." His face and bald head turned so red. I don't think he knew what to say or do because he was so embarrassed. He just turned around and shut the door. He has never barged in on me again. All I could do was laugh.

From motherhen: It is amazing to me that although lots of mothers nurse their babies nowadays, there are still people and children who have never seen a mother breastfeed. Once when my youngest son was a baby he started rooting while we were at church. I took him back to the nursery and even though the workers and lots of children were there I was more at ease there than nursing in a pew. Well anyway I got situated, my son was nursing away covered by a blanket. Suddenly a little girl about four comes up jerks the blanket up as high as she can, stares at my son nursing and loudly asks, "What are you doing?" I tell her, I'm feeding the baby. She looks at me like I was crazy and says "OH NO YOU'RE NOT!" I think she thought I was suffocating him. At that point I didn't argue with such a vocal child. I simply recovered myself, held onto the blanket to prevent further peeks from her and continued to nurse my son. To make matters worse I'm not sure some of the other mothers in the room even knew what I was doing as very few of them breastfed. Needless to say I was embarrassed but, thank goodness you can't die of embarrassment!

From Asha: Four weeks post partum I began to pump milk and freeze it for later use. It was hard work and each drop was precious. Once we were out of half and half for the coffee. So my mom says, "We are out of milk. But there is no hurry to buy some right now because we will use your milk instead." I was horrified at the very suggestion and I said, "No one is touching Aesha's milk!" At that she went beet red and I burst out laughing as I realised that she calls the half and half "milk" and the Vitamin D milk that I use for drinking as "your milk"!

From mommy2hannah: I had to go to work when Hannah was three months old. I was working 45 minutes away from home, two nights a week from 11pm to 7am at a nursing home. One morning, I was particularly, painfully engorged, and I decided I better pump BEFORE driving 45 minutes home. Well, of course, after such a long night of hard work, I was tired. I set up in the break room, because I knew that no one would be in it for about 1/2 hour, and figured I could pump quicker than that. I turned on my electric pump, and started double pumping. I had my shirt up to my neck, and I had both breasts in the cups, milking me! I was sitting on a sofa, and I thought I'd just rest to help my milk let down. So I thought about Hannah, and closed my eyes. When I opened them, I had been there for THREE HOURS!!!! OMG! It was 10am, and I started pumping at 7am! I had been sleeping and pumping for 3 hours!! I wouldn't be surprised if someone snapped some pictures or something . . . that break room is used quite regularly.

From princesshdrider: LACTATING LIPS?? I had a breast enlargement and had my lips done at the same time about two years before I got pregnant. The doctor took scar tissue from my areola and placed it inside of my lips. After having my daughter I tried for three days to nurse her, at which time not only were my breasts getting bigger . . . so were my lips!! Bigger and bigger, to the point where I couldn't talk, barely eat and had to go around with my hand over my mouth because they were so huge! I told a doctor about it and asked if maybe he thought my lips were trying to lactate? He laughed and said it was quite possible that the tissue had retained its memory and yes . . . needless to say I quit the nursing and now my lips are fine again . . . lactating lips . . . who'd have thought?

From Andrea: When dd was about 8 months, I wanted to get some really beautiful pictures of me nursing her. I don't know if you are all familiar with the Picasso painting of the woman breastfeeding, but I have a print of that hanging in my living room, and just think it is incredibly beautiful. Not that I expected to look like a Picasso painting or anything!

My sister agreed to take the pictures for me. She set up the room with several beautiful pieces of cloth. She then draped several over me. We tried several positions. Maybe we were trying to hard to make something really beautiful, but we were just laughing and laughing! Then she had me lay down with dd beside me. She told me to stop laughing! I turned my face away from the camera, and worked to control my laughing. She clicked. The next one dd slipped off during the picture!

Well, dh and I went to get the pictures developed at a 1 hour place while we were shopping. When we came back to get it, I walked in while he parked. I decided to look through the pictures to see how they turned out.

Yep, she had definitely slipped off during a picture! But the one that turned me even more red was the picture that I worked so hard to not laugh during. My head was turned up, and it looked like I was having an O!! (and we're not talking ovulation here!) LOL! I was too embarrassed to look at the man behind the counter who had developed them, I just slipped out!!

From Michele321: Right before Laurel was born, we were telling my DH what we needed from the store. My DD (13) said "Oh yea, we need milk . . .we're not gonna make her breastfeed all of us!"

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