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Infertility Cubby

I wish I would have known . . .
   ~ a message board archive

From Chelsey ~ What would you have wanted to know before you hopped on the IF train? If you could travel back in time and warn yourself, what would you want to know? For me:

~ Don't look too hard at "signs", because more often than not they don't mean anything.
~ Don't bury your head in the sand about the money stuff. Call and get the bottom line up front, so you can avoid arguments later.

From Gardenia ~ For me, the hardest part has been the ups and downs. I wish that I could be more even-keeled about the process. I can't get super excited every time there's potential good news, nor can I afford to plunge into despair every time something doesn't go along as planned. I wish that I could moderate my emotions. I'm trying to do that now, but this IVF will be a real test of how well I do at it, because I know there will be many ups and downs throughout the cycle.

From Katie ~ I also wish I could control my emotions and just go with the flow. I get super excited and then I don't focus on anything else. I really need to keep my mind on school and just take this a day at a time.

From TrustAndObey ~ If I could go back I'd brace myself for a long haul. When I first went off birth control pills, having a child and being a mother was all I could think about. I bought so many books because I was convinced I'd need them in just a month or two. I'd save my money and adopt the attitude I have now: I'll buy books and ponder controversial decisions (circ or no circ? natural birth? etc.) to my heart's content when I get pregnant. Until there are two lines on a stick I should save my money and focus my attention on the season of life I'm in.

Chelsey, I totally agree about the 'signs.' I remind myself of that every month, and every month I don't seem to hear myself.

From Lisa Jodi Duncan ~ The money side of it used to worry me if we had to do IVF. Even though IVF is only $3000 here its still A LOT of cash to us. Now, I DON'T care. We are just doing whatever it takes to have our family; if it means we go without take out for the rest of they year so be it!

I wish I hadn't told so many people. If I could go back in time, I'd keep my gobb shut for a lot longer.

From Farmgirl2 ~ I wish I wouldn't beat myself up so much over my lifestyle and diet. I am basically healthy, eat well and get moderate exercise - and one cup of coffee this morning certainly didn't prevent conception!! Yet I use to be convinced that I could control my conception entirely by diet! So silly.

I also wish I had been prepared for how long this really all does take. In Canada, we don't have a lot of choices with regards to clinics and you do have to follow their procedures with tests, surgeries and everything else - and you do have to wait between appointments. It takes a long time to get to the point of assisted help.

From Lisa Jodi Duncan ~ Diet and lifestyle is a good one!!! I was at Mum's the other day and she offered me a can of Diet Pepsi and I cringed with horror as if that would stop me from having a baby as IF! Then I turn the channels and see 16 year olds having abortions; they probably haven't touched a carrot sine they were 2!

The diet and lifestyle is hard for me as well.

From Missy712 ~ I definitely would've not put any stock into those pregnancy signs. I remember, early in TTC, EVERY month, I was convinced that was the month. I would look at due-date calendars, and interpret every little thing as a pregnancy symptom. Thankfully, we never told anyone we were TTC, so we didn't have outside pressures (other than well-meaning parents who really REALLY wanted grandkids, but they've not been too bothersome). For the most part, people just thought we were living free and happy without kids.

So pretty much the main thing is that, if I'd known that I had such "issues," I would've never gotten my hopes up in the beginning. I look back and think how naive I was, in thinking that it would be just so easy for us!

Oh well...

From lilieliz ~ I wish I would have known that there is an end to the IF road -- even if the walk is really freakin' long. Somehow, some way, the struggle to have children gets resolved, whether its through pregnancy, adoption, or living child-free. I always thought IF would be front and center in my world and that the struggle would never end. That thought made my pain and hurt very raw most of the time. And I didn't need to be in that kind of pain for as long as I was.

From annalauren ~ I wish I hadn't told my mom (who told others) and that I didn't tell certain friends. Now they are just WAITING for news,asking how I feel ALL the time. I also wish I had realized that even timing BDing "perfect" doesn't guarantee ANYTHING at all. I thought if I lined it all up, it would be no problem... wrong!

From scubamommy ~ I wish I hadn't wasted so much money on birth control pills and worry about the accidental pregnancy! I try very hard not to beat myself up about not trying to conceive sooner than we did (we were 34 when we started). I wish I'd known that, on the other side, I'd come to see it as a gift. If any of my miscarriage hadn't happened, we never would have adopted and we never would have had our son in our lives. That is a gift I never imagined in the depths of my angst of trying to conceive.

From seg_l ~ I'm with Scubamommy--wish I hadn't wasted so much time and energy and money on birth control. I used two forms from the time I was 21 until I was 33. I also wish, maybe, that we had started trying a little earlier--I had it in my head that we needed to be married a full year before we started trying. I had been married before and it was over by the year mark, so that stuck in my head. It makes sense, but I would have liked to be where I am now a year or so ago.

From AmyA ~ I wish I would've known the emotional toll infertility played in every aspect of my life. It literally consumed every breath. Everything I did revolved around infertility. I also wish I would've known how other fertile couples/people just don't get it. Most people I told were very compassionate and understanding (as much as they could be), but there were those few that just have no concept of what infertility means and to this day still lump dh and I into the norm

From acorn ~ I wish that I had known how long tests and treatment take. With cycles off for one reason and another, you're really down to 4-6 chances a year. I didn't think waiting to start a family until 34 was waiting too long, but it is getting late when you add up how long fertility treatments can take.

From UltraMichelle ~ I'm new to this site, so hello everyone and boy I wish I hadn't told anyone that we were trying to conceive! Now I feel like everyone is in our business and saying did it work this month? Since we have been trying so long and having so many doctor visits for ultrasounds and taking meds, I know they are curious and all mean well but with every period my hope diminishes, and I don't want people to know that in my head I have resigned myself that we may continue to call our dog our favorite little girl.

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