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Multiples Mania

StorkNet.com > Pregnancy Channel > Parenting Channel > Multiples Mania Cubby > Twins' & More Articles
Individuals, Not a Unit
~ A Message Board Archive
From KD ~ I'm pregnant with twin girls, and have realized I'm facing something. Do you have any advice on how to make family/close friends see (treat) twins/multiples as individuals as opposed to a unit? I'm trying to lead by example, never referring to them as the twins, still referring to them as the babies, stressing they will be treating individually (not dressed identical/not receiving identical toys etc).

For example, my mother-in-law refuses to call them anything but the twins, is making them identical baby blankets etc. My sister-in-law has said to me, "well you'll only need to get one set of pictures for milestones, because they'll always be in the same pictures (not that I won't have pictures together-but they'll get their own too!) I'm sure it's not going to be fun when family is constantly comparing them either.

Just looking to see if you have any advice on communicating (to stubborn people ) your wishes about this- and the importance.

From Schwartz ~ Our girls are fraternal, but folks sometimes talk about them as a unit. It can get really frustrating sometimes, but then I just tell myself to be happy that I have so many loving, caring people that are so interested in my children. People gave us identical things and outfits. We use them. Sometimes the girls dress alike, sometimes we put one in one outfit and the other in a different one. As for toys, our girls always want what the other one has anyway, so it's nice to have two of a toy.

From hunter ~ It gets easier after the babies arrive and everyone realizes that they really *ARE* two different people with two different personalities. I only had to scream at my mom, "Their names are NOT "the twins," their names are Jack and Zachary!" about twenty times before it finally sunk in, but most others figured it out the first time.

We didn't tell anyone (except our daughters and midwife) that we were expecting twins, and I was surprised at how many people brought us identical or coordinating items of whatever they'd given us at our shower when they heard the news after the boys were born. Sometimes I felt like dressing the boys identically, but most of the time I dressed one in one outfit and the other in another outfit, and figured the matching items would get worn by someone, sometime!

I always get separate photos, in addition to a joint photo, because someday they'll be grown up and living separate lives and I want them each to have a record of himself as an individual and not just as half of a twin-set, know what I mean?

From katyasmommy ~ My boys are fraternal and couldn't look any different if they were born 5 years apart. I insist on calling each by his name and not just the twins. Mind you, some people still do it. I don't have too many matching outfits, so they get dressed in whatever seems right that day. I don't even have separate clothes for them, I have one rather big dresser with all the little boy clothes and that's how it goes. What Jaiden wears one day could very well be on Benjamin at another day. There are always some occasions when it's cute to dress them up in matching outfits but not all the time.

The same goes for pictures, they each get their very own. There will always be enough twin pictures around but in my opinion, it is important to honor each of them individually also. In our case there is also an older sister who got her pictures taken as she was growing up and I feel very strongly about treating all my kids the same.

With toys we're going similar but not the same. I couldn't imagine buying everything double. For Christmas for instance we're planning on giving one the little people farm and the other the little people zoo or train. You get the idea.

From Sheryl ~ The only person I ever have a problem with is my mother-in-law; she will call my two identical girls "Twins" and I hate for my fraternal daughter grow up to feel left out, because she doesn't look like her sisters. I usually call them the girls, but never the triplets. As for pictures I always get a single shot of them and one of all three.

As for clothes, now that my girls are 4, they pick out their own clothes, fun! They don't like to dress alike now, so I tell everyone "Don't buy any matching clothes anymore." Of course everyone listened but my mother-in-law, but oh well!!

From KD ~ Thank you for your feedback! Just to clarify in case my original post was misleading--I fully intend that they'll get pictures taken individually. I was just surprised that my sister-in-law thought they didn't need individuals cause they are twins. The more I think about it, I realize it will probably only be my in law's that are a problem, but what's new?

From yoopergoddess ~ My twin girls are just about 11 weeks old this week and although I've had a lot of people refer to my little ones as "twins" it doesn't really bother me. I received tons of outfits from showers and like some of the others have said, they rarely dress in the same outfits. For their first pictures, they both had the same style dress on just in different patterns.

I think it's hard for people to not refer to them as twins. If I'm out in public without the babies and someone asks how the twins are doing, I personally don't get upset about it. Although I will say when they are born, I've found EVERYONE wants to peek into the stroller. Or tell you about who's brother's neighbor's son has a set of twins.

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From hpy2bamom ~ I must be the minority; I dress my identicals in the same clothes (it is what they like). I don't hear what people call them . . . babies, twins, boys, etc.

I do separate pictures, all my kids have traditional shots 3, 6, 9, and 12 months and then yearly. At Christmas we stick them all together for the christmas card picture.

I look at the twins as twins. They came into this world together. Who am I to separate them and pretend that I know what is best for them? If they don't want to play the same thing that is fine but mostly they are stuck at the hip and "monkey see monkey do" their days away.

You can have a plan but when they get here you will put your books away and just go with it.

From Starlet ~ We thought of this early on too. Our MAIN thing was, Never allow anyone to call them "the twins" on a regular basis. Also, our MAJOR decision was to name them names that were complete Opposites. Not rhyming, mot the same letter, NOTHING. OPPOSITE! They are fraternal.

Most people Including myself call them the girls when talking about them both. Otherwise we go by each name.

We have as many pics together of the girls as we do separate. It's all in you. If you have them and treat them and show them they are individuals, as they get older they will correct people.

We do dress our girls exactly the same. What one gets the other gets, for two reasons. First, they won't fight over something or like the other one's better. Second, someone won't say one's outfit is cute and not the other's (because that can hurt a little girl's feelings).

My girls shared a crib their first 8 months. They sleep right next to each other now. Their cribs are touching, I am not going to separate them until they want to be separated.

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