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StorkNet.com > Pregnancy Channel > Parenting Channel > Multiples Mania Cubby > Twins' & More Articles
Multiples' Squabbles
~ A Message Board Archive
cdw ~ When your twins/trips/quads fight over something, do you step right in and break it up or do you let them resolve it on their own? I'm asking because my mom can't stand crying and thinks I should step in. I feel that as long as they are not hurting each other they need to learn to "resolve" this themselves. Don't get me wrong; I do not let them hit or get rough. What do you do/think?

Ronna ~ I don't usually step in until someone is either:
a) really crying uncontrollably and the other has obviously been the one at fault
b) they come to me for help in the situation
c) they are killing each other (hitting, biting, etc.)

They have gotten much better at negotiating now that they actually have words. We are working on the "please share with me" concept (If you ask nicely, the other person will be more likely to share) and they seem to be getting it. Not that we don't have at least a few squabbles a day, though!

I think that they are YOUR children, not your Mom's, so you should follow your instincts on what works best for your children.

huntergirl ~ We do the same as Ronna. In this situation, we treat our twins pretty much the way we treat their siblings. They need to try to work it out among themselves. Obviously, if there's hitting involved, or if someone is really hogging something, then we will step in.

mamaof3young'uns ~ I pretty much agree with the other two . . . as long as someone isn't getting hurt, I try to let them work it out for themselves.

Sheryl ~ I try not to get involved either, although it seems like I end up anyway. Usually they will bite or pull hair etc and then I get involved or someone runs to me crying so I pick her up. But there are always times where they surprise me and they work it out themselves. I hope this keeps up, because I really feel more like a referee than a mom somedays. Good luck!

SusieB ~ The only place I immediately get involved is the tub. Abby and Peyton got into it over a duck the other night and would have drowned each other . . . silly girls. Logan was at the other end of the tub with TWO ducks. Just echoing everyone else, unless it is really a meltdown, let them exercise their own negotiating and compromising skills.

daksmum ~ Back when I was a first time mom, I read every discipline book I could get my hands on . . . this was before my DS even turned one!! (Looking back I think I did this because my niece, who is 3 years older than my DS, was a little hell-raiser and I was bound and determined my son wouldn't be!!) A majority of the books I read said that parents working out their children's problems is a major down fall in our society. We smooth everything over, we work their problems out, we protect them from getting their feelings hurt, and we want everything to be fair! HELLO! Real life isn't like that and we all know it! We also do it because we want our children's childhood to be better than ours and to give them everything we didn't have. The first step to breaking this trend is to let kids work out their own problems. At an early age they require our help but they will then pass through a stage of asking for assistance only when needed. The next thing you know, they do it all by themselves! That sounds a little harsh as I reread but it isn't meant as a tough love thing. We all have different parenting styles and there is no way I can explain the whole theory here, so . . . I highly recommend The 10 Greatest Gifts I Give My Children - Parenting from the Heart by Steven W. Vannoy. It was awesome! How many of us can say we read a book that is still affecting our lives and that we are actively applying two years later? (Besides a religious book ) How many of us can say we actually remember where and when we read the book? I took this book on our first ever family vacation. Simply stated . . . let 'em work it out unless there is blood involved!

carola ~ I let them have it out unless there's blood or an eyeball looks like it's going to be poked out, or there's hair pulling. Or if one of them asks for help (which almost always happens). I'm hoping they realize that it hurts and they stop it. We look like the WWF moved into our living room most days.

JulieD ~ Lurking from SC3 . . . my Mom used to break up my twin sister and me's fight and I always HATED that about her . . . she would inevitably give the toy/whatever to the wrong person who was actually at fault. She didn't MEAN to, she just wasn't there during the whole thing, etc. So . . . I would have to agree with the other moms . . . knowing what I do, I would do the same.

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