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Staying Close

This is a tough one for some folks to talk about but let's do it anyway! Did you and your mate stay close during your pregnancy and baby's early days? How did you stay close? Here's what our members said . . .

From Jenea . . . When I was pregnant with my daughter, my husband was not very supportive at first. He was happy about us getting ready to have a baby but he had three daughters already from a previous marriage so he felt that he had been through it all already. I suffered through morning sickness the first trimester and even though he didn't do anything WHILE I was getting sick, he was there after it was all over. He would hold me and cuddle me and put his head on my belly to listen to the life stirring inside of me. As my pregnancy progressed, he would rub my belly and cuddle me. When I would have minor backaches or leg cramps (OOh boy did I have leg cramps!!!) he would rub them out or just hold me til they went away. And even though my daughter was two months premature, he was TERRIFIC in the delivery room. I had her vaginally just like it would've been if she had been full term. He held my hand and told me to relax and breathe and push. He was super. We have been married for 2 1/2 years and we are VERY happy. My daughter being premature was tough at first because she was very sick and that brought us even closer than we had been because we had to be strong for her and for each other.

From Shannon M. . . . Our son is 6 months old and my husband has been the greatest through the whole thing. He was so supportive when I was pregnant, even on the days where I just wanted to argue with someone. He gave me back rubs, and helped out around the house. Now that there isn't just the two of us anymore, it is a little harder to find time, but somehow we manage. Now is an especially trying time since I recently went back to work and my stress level is sky rocketing. But we still try to have a little time at the end of the day for just us. Our sex life isn't the most exciting, but that is because I am usually so tired and we have other things to keep us occupied.

From Tana . . . Although I am only three months pregnant my husband is a dream. He lets me rest, cooks me supper, does the laundry, and even rubs my back. He is #1 in my books.

From Beth . . . During my first pregnancy, my husband and I stayed very close. We spent lots of time together, he constantly gave me back rubs, and was always bringing home special (healthy) treats. Our intimacy did not suffer either, even though I gained forty pounds. It helped tons that we already had a great line of communication between us, and that he tends to be atypical of most uncaring men. It also helped that I was so excited about having a baby that I was in a good mood most of the time. With my second child, I stayed in a nasty mood. I was working a very demanding job anywhere from eight or more hours a day. I cried all the time. I yelled at him a lot, but mostly he was still there for me. It did put a strain on our intimacy. What person in their right mind wants to be intimate with the person who is constantly screaming at them. As for what I would have done differently: try to find a less demanding job, take more date nights, try to find more ways to relax before opening my mouth to say anything to my husband. He really is the best. It would help wives to try and remember that their spouses have hopes and fears about this baby too. Talking about them with each other is the best way to remain close.

From Gail . . . Yes!! We have always stayed close and the secret is to always be honest and communicate your feelings. Sometimes it's hard, but it's worth it. I always made sure he knew how I was feeling, so if I was having one of those crying for no reason jags, he wouldn't worry. He was also able to tell me how he felt about things and that's what has always held us so close. We have been married over 11 years and are having baby number 3 in July, so far so good!!!

From Ronna . . . Early in my pregnancy it wasn't difficult to maintain a close relationship and sex. In fact it was a terrific time. I felt alive and beautiful. But during the middle months, I was stressed at work and found it difficult to stay close when my belly was round as a balloon, my breast were 2x their normal size and I felt unattractive, and tired, etc. What really helped was a good self image. Once I stopped feeling like a beached whale and saw my pregnancy as beautiful, it was much easier to see myself as sexy and portray that image to my husband. We tried new positions and spent extra time pleasing one another. An added benefit was that he took more time loving me before and after because he was concerned about me and my feelings. And I took more time loving him towards the end to please him since it became more difficult to have regular relations. He really enjoyed it. Now that I'm pregnant with my second child finding the alone time is much more of a challenge. The best times for us to stay close is during his afternoon nap on weekends. We call each other on the phone once during the day and always make time in the evenings to cuddle before going to sleep.

From Mary Kathryn . . . While I was pregnant with Kortney, Michael was the most supportive person in the world. We went to Lamaze and he learned the massage technique for use at home. We walked because he had heard it was good for me. He rubbed my feet and my back, and in general was absolutely wonderful! I couldn't have asked for more. After Kortney got here, we still stayed just as close. He got up and stayed up while I fed her. Since she is breastfed, there isn't much he could do, but he stayed awake to talk to me and make sure I didn't need anything. He often played with her and her older sister (Kathleen, 6 years) after work so I could get a nap before supper. These things make me realize what a wonderful guy I ended up with. And now, 6 months later, we are still as close as ever. Love makes a big difference, and I know that I am loved!

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From Monica . . . My husband and I were closer than ever during my pregnancy and the baby's first few weeks. This was my first pregnancy and while I knew my husband was thrilled at the prospect of our future arrival, I wasn't sure how he would deal with the months leading up to it or the crazy first weeks of baby's life. I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised. My husband went to all the ob visits with me and asked all sorts of questions. He always brought along a tape recorder to tape the baby's heartbeat at each visit. He didn't read any of the information I offered him, but he listened intently to all my aches and pains and worries and dreams - the first time in our entire marriage he didn't tune me out for the football game! When I started having horrible back aches, he bought me a glider and a Mr. Thingy - one of those wooden back massagers with the little face painted on them. And he bought me relaxing aromatherapy lotions - approved by the doctor, of course - without me even suggesting anything. He even took me shopping for maternity clothes when I complained I had nothing pretty to wear. Of course he was great in the delivery room, very calm - sometimes annoyingly so! - and very focused. And after our beautiful baby girl, Sophie, was born he took to being Daddy with flying colors. He often took her from me so I could rest those first few weeks, even though our poor colicky daughter was cranky enough to make Mother Theresa run for the hills. He took her on weekends and sent me shopping because he knew I was tired from dealing with her all week. I am truly lucky to have such a caring and supportive husband.

From BilCar . . . We never forget to say "I love you" every day. We grab each others butts . . . a lot!!

From Aenitsirhc . . . I make a very intentional effort to feel sexy... a new outfit, new underwear especially; taking a little time for myself every day; wearing makeup, fixing my hair--even if our 7 week old daughter has been up most of the night; accepting help from family so we can get out of the house together for a couple of hours every week; never underestimating the power and sheer excitement of "the quickie!!" I've found if I feel sexy, I'm much more likely to be romantic . . . in fact my husband and I are like honeymooners again, and we've been married 7 years!

From Pamala . . . To keep the spark and romance alive in our relationship, my husband and I: 1. leave the kids with his parents and take long drives to the country, or spend the weekend at a nice hotel.
2.Arrange to meet after work so that we can ride home together alone.
3.Allow separate time for individual interests and hobbies, or to rest and recoup.

From Debbi . . . Every once in a while my husband and I go away for a night or weekend somewhere as kind of a little honeymoon. It's always nice when it's just the two of us together away from our home. At home, sometimes I light candles in our bedroom so the room fills with a pleasant aroma and has great mood lighting! :)

From Lori . . . My husband and I "go on dates at home." We feed the kids at 6 pm. I put the baby to bed at 7:30pm and my husband starts work on the bedtime routine with our 2 year old. While he's doing that I'm completing out special dinner in the kitchen. By 8pm the candles are lit, the music is on, the kids are asleep and we are enjoying some time together!

From Shawn . . . Since I'm not working right now, when my husband comes home from work, I have a bath and a drink ready for him and in the bathroom I will have all the candles lit. It always puts us in the mood and my husband thinks it's so sexy to have a pregnant wife, and to think that he and I did this together to make this. It's an incredible feeling.

From B . . . It's hard to keep any romance alive these days with work, kids, just with life. We take time, every week, just the two of us, no one else. Even if it is just to sit down and read a book together, it is "us time." Another good thing that our Bishop said to us when we got married, was to keep our mouths shut. In life we get aggravated and sometimes we say things that we shouldn't . . . whether it may be truth or not. Everyday keep just ten things (negative things) that you are going to say about or to your spouse, and keep them to yourself. Things like, why didn't you take the trash out, or pick up your shoes, or even leave me alone. It's amazing how this has helped in our lives. It's not easy, believe me . . . I have the hottest temper around, but it works wonders!

From A . . . We have three children and that is pretty much all we have to show for our sex life. I somehow got on the topic with a friend, and she recommended a book to us, "101 Nights of Grrreat Sex" by Laura Corn. This book comes with sealed "seductions" and though we have just gotten started, we have definitely seen an increase in "interest" around here! There is a companion book on "Romance" as well by the same author. Another thing to help keep things alive is by doing random acts of kindness for your spouse. Little love notes, spontaneous kisses and even taking out the trash can benefit any relationship. Don't forget to compliment your mate!!!! They need to hear it as much as we do, and all of these things rub off! Life isn't perfect in our house, but falling in love again is a wonderful feeling!

From Shelly . . . My husband and I have what we call "crazy" time together. That is when we let all our inhibitions loose and just let ourselves completely enjoy each other intimately. We also are best friends. We have everything in common, but we do things outside of each other also. However, it is never quite as fun apart as it is together. I hope this helps another couple, because my husband and I have been together 7 years and it seems like yesterday that we met. I love him with all my heart. We are expecting our first child in May 1999, and we only see even more positive things for our relationship and future together.

From Heather . . . My husband and I savor every moment we have together. While I'm a home-wife/mommy-to-be, he works from 8am to 5pm on the weekdays. He's home for lunch every day, though, and our lunch can get pretty routine. So, about once a week, I spice it up a bit by turning on soft music, and lighting candles on the table. We both love to spend our evenings at home, and we usually spend at least one hour watching tv or a movie together, and my husband loves to brush my hair during that time. Sometimes when he's getting ready for work in the morning, I cut out small hearts in paper, write "I Love You" on them, and put them in his planner or briefcase. He finds these later in the day, then calls and thanks me. We do most of our errands on Saturday, so we have all Sunday alone together. We may stay home, or perhaps take a walk over to the river. He and I are very gratefull for the little things we can share together or do for each other. I think the number one thing that keeps us so happy together is that we don't just say "I love you," "thank you," or "I'm sorry," we SHOW it. Anyone can say a few simple words, but I want my husband to know that I am in love with him, I love to be by his side, and I always will be.

From C . . . My dh and I spend a lot of time together. Sometimes just being in the same room together is a comfort to both of us, not necessarily doing the same thing. We eat lunch together everyday. We call each other for a minute or so from work during the day just to say hi, how are you? We go on a date at least every other week. We kiss and hug each other every time we will be apart, even if I'm just running to the grocery store. During the free time at home one of us usually asks for a hug, so we just stop what we are doing and give a nice hug. After we fight (very rare) we both say we are sorry for hurting each other. We try to communicate any differences. I think my dh and I have a very unique relationship, one that is very special for a young couple (30's). I am expecting triplets and my dh touches my tummy and still gets excited even though my tummy is growing by the minute! I feel very blessed to have such a wonderful relationship.

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