There is a raging debate it seems in this country regarding daycare, and it is SO disheartening to always see these types of discussions disintegrate into attacks against working parents. No, daycare isn't the perfect solution, but it is still the best solution for parents who need to go out into the workplace on a daily basis and provide for their families. It shouldn't be a judgment against the working Mom or Dad; it should be a discussion regarding raising the standards of daycare.
In a recent board discussion regarding the daycare debate, StorkNet members expressed their views regarding daycare, and the judgments passed about the working mom.
Sure, I sacrifice to be a SAHM, but you know what? I am VERY concerned that some of what is being sacrificed isn't worth it. We do not have money going into college funds for our children and THAT scares me. We do not have a savings that would carry us if Lloyd lost his job. The list goes on and on. You were SO right when you said that they have no idea of other people's finances. I was also thinking about other factors such as housing prices and such. It is extremely costly to live here in the San Francisco Bay Area, but this is where my husband works and has worked (at this particular location) for 20+ years. ~Leigh
My DS has been in daycare of one kind or another since I started work (when he was 11 months old). #2 will be in daycare from the age of about 6 months. I really resent childless women who ask me how 'I can let my child be raised by people that aren't his parents'? I want to know if it is any of their business.
In South Africa unemployment is rife and people get retrenched all the time. Both of us working gives us a little extra cushion in case (God forbid) either of us lose our jobs. It also enables me to help my mom out as she has just been retrenched again. If it hadn't been for her help when I was 19 and pregnant I might have had to give DS up and so I help where I can.
As a child I watched my mom depend on my dad for everything. She did whatever he told her to, including getting a job once my brother and me were both in school. Then, after 15 years of marriage he left her for a woman who now gets to stay at home full time with my little sister (3 months younger than my son). I know this sounds bad but I REFUSE to be that dependent on a man for support. I also enjoy the financial freedom working gives me. I check with DH before spending big bucks, but I like being able to treat myself without 'authorization'. I like DS having a house with a garden and pets and I like DS being able to attend the remedial school he needs because of his learning problems. I would have to make LOTS of sacrifices for us to afford that on my husband's salary.
We have agreed that, should we reach the stage that we can afford our current lifestyle on a single salary, DH will probably be the one to stay home as he is more houseproud than I am.
Disclaimer - all the above is just my opinion. I am not trying to criticize anybody's choices. This is just what works for me. ~JAYNE
Daycare is just like everything else in life; there are some good ones, some bad ones,
and lots of in-betweens. A story I saw on the Today show over the weekend showed an author who interviewed 1000 kids of working parents about how they felt. Only 10% of the kids said they wished their parents spent more time at home with them. ~KATHY
I have seen several of these debates on different sites and I even had one with my very best friend, which has caused some distance between us. Parenting is way more difficult than I ever imagined or gave my parents credit for. You turn over your whole life. Yes, my husband and I both work and yes someone else takes care of our DD during the day. Cameron is very happy and learns that there are more people in the world that care about her than just mom and dad. Financially and mentally, I must work. End of debate for me. Hubby could stay home but he is a teacher in LA's inner city. He is truly helping children and making this a better place for us all. It makes sense to me if no one else. Most parents are doing their best and I support them all! ~SANDY
Some people are just not "work-friendly". I also got the impression from that conversation that
"mom" should be at home -- people were mentioning their DHs working lot of hours, etc. so mom could be home. Well, "why can't dad be home?" is my first question. The second is "why should those dads never get to see their children?". I understand that women traditionally were the homemakers and men worked, but what message does that send to the children? Men can't/don't spend time with family. Isn't that what we are trying to work on -- making men more comfortable with raising children and liberating them in the home? Sorry this is a little off the main topic, but I work full time (4days/10 hrs) and my DH stays with DS 2 days and my friend stays 2 days with him. I have been looking into "standard" daycare for when he is a year old -- partly because I am noticing he shies away from other children and I would like him to be able to play with and interact with other kids. ~TAMMI
Common refrains in this ongoing daycare debate that are hurtful, are:
Well if people would just sacrifice, then they could do it.
If people would just cut out those luxuries, then . . .
And so on, and so on.
I KNOW there is NO substitute for parents - but at the same time - what's so wrong with daycare? What's so wrong with people going out to work - and I mean BOTH parents!?
Please - this is NOT meant to be turned into a SAHM Vs WOHM issue, because there have been some SAHMs who support working moms and the issue of daycare, but I feel as if people just don't have enough compassion to see both sides of the coin sometimes.
While I do enjoy a good debate, I'm just amazed by people who can't see the forest for the trees.
I'm not saying the daycare system hasn't has its share of problems; it has. And there ARE some people who use daycare as well as babysitters for their own purposes, and such, but I honestly do believe that the majority of parents are doing what they have to do to make ends meet, and daycare is their only option.
