My reasons for putting Christian in daycare were BLASTED by some people, saying I should have put him in home care instead. Not even stating the obvious, that it isn't their concern, but I always say that sometimes, home care isn't the best care.
Every time I see one of those expose shows about the parents who felt the need to put a video camera in the home to watch the sitter, and then I see the sitter abusing the baby, I want to go through the TV screen.
I may pay a little more for care, but there are MANY things, for me, that make the situation tolerable.
But I haven't lived in the area for a long time, and I know NO ONE who I would trust enough to watch Christian in their home. The few homes I did visit, to me, had too many children for one person, and they only charged $25.00 less than the daycare.
I'm not knocking either one, and I was VERY interested in hearing the pro's and con's, and how our StorkNet moms dealt with trying to decide which daycare was best.
My husband is fortunate to have "flex time" so he will be able to be home most of the time when I am working, but we will be having a sitter one or two days a week. We haven't found someone yet, but will either go with a family friend or a referral from someone from our church. We are against daycare because we feel "institutionalizing" our child will not be in her best interest. I have observed children of daycare vs. children who have their mothers or sitters in their own homes and there is a difference in their behavior--daycare children tend to be more aggressive, and demanding--they just don't get quality attention at a daycare center. This is just my opinion, and I don't mean to be an authority, but I just worry about kids who aren't raised by their parents--who's values are they being taught, etc. Some women have no choice about working outside the home, and it is a struggle, but I feel we are too quick to give our responsibility for raising our children over to someone else. But my bottom line opinion is, if you have to work I think it's best to have a sitter in your own home. But better yet, don't work, or work only a day or two a week. ~Rachael
I'm lucky enough that I have my parents or my husband to watch while I'm at work. To me this is the ideal situation. There are people who do not like this situation either. But I think it's great that my kids see Grandma and Grandpa so often and get to sleep over night. I also don't feel bad if they discipline them because they are family.
My sister who is a Lawyer goes with Day care. She pays a lot and it's a quality place. It works for her and they have a good ratio of kids to caregivers.
Home daycare, I sometimes use for a few hours at a time on a very limited basis, and find that some days this daycare provider has only 2 kids but other days she has 10 with a helper.
I don't really like in my home daycare, because I feel people would be too nosey. I know people that have had money and things stolen. I have a very good friend whom I totally trust as a back up when I'm at work. ~Cindy
I think it's a little rough to equate having your child in daycare to having somebody else raise your child. Believe it or not, even a child that goes to daycare still knows who his mommy and daddy are and they are capable of loving other people who care for them.
I have had the experience of home care and daycare with my oldest child, who is 9 and I have witnessed my nieces and nephews who have a stay at home mom. Guess what folks - all the kids are well adjusted. In fact we used to think that my daughter was more verbal at two, because she was in daycare and that my sister's children were extremely shy because they were "sheltered" at home - but guess again - that's just the way the kids are!
So with Stormie (the 9 year old) we had her in home care until she was a year and a half, (we STILL stop by and visit with Miss Geraldine and her family), and then we moved her into a Montessori daycare, because we felt she needed more interaction with other children. If I could do it again, I would have kept her at Miss Geraldine's longer. Both places have their pluses and minuses.
With Skye, 7 months, we are lucky enough to have my parents and DH watching her. I like this the most, but of course, not everyone is that lucky to have his or her parents able to do this. She's one on one with someone I know deeply.
Bottom line is that it's not home care, daycare, SAH, or whatever kind of situation, because each situation has good things and bad things but it's "do you feel comfortable with the quality of care your child is receiving? Is he happy and thriving? Does he like where he's going? Is he bonding well with the caregiver? Do you wish you could spend your day there?" ~Gillian
I do admit that there are some mothers who simply MUST work, and they don't always have the most ideal options available to them. I suppose that if this were the case, I would hope that there could be a place for the child to go where there is a low child to daycare worker ratio. Also, finding a daycare that supports a family's religious orientation might be helpful--such as a center at their church or synagogue--might be a good idea because the child will be exposed to values at daycare that are reinforced at home.
I still think, though, that if a couple plans ahead and begins to live on one income long before the baby comes and gets used to living this type of lifestyle, most families can get away with a mother working a minimal amount. This DOES take planning ahead, though, and not all babies are planned so this may not work for everyone! I'm off the track of daycare discussion here though, I'm more on the topic of work vs. not working--sorry!!!
Daycare issues are tough, and a concern that most of our mothers didn't have to contend with. We don't have a lot of history to help us out here. I guess it's still a personal choice. ~Rachael
The issue of daycare is VERY complex, and if WE don't raise these issues, such as the issues you brought up, we will NEVER get to a place where we HAVE decent daycare. I guess my problem with the home care, is some - NOT ALL - but some that I have seen and visited were just NOT adequate. I'm talking lighting, separation of infants and toddlers, as well as child adult ratio. Many in home care providers DO follow the rules, but so many don't. But then on the other hand, there many daycare centers, like the one my son is in, that are small, and have waiting lists even, BECAUSE of the intimate cozy atmosphere - and they learn SO much.
Bottom line is that it's not home care, daycare, SAH, or whatever kind of situation, because each situation has good things and bad things but it's - Do you feel comfortable with the quality of care your child is receiving? Is he happy and thriving? Does he like where he's going? Is he bonding well with the caregiver? Do you wish you could spend your day there?
I like the way Gillian phrased it above. I think the daycare issues that we are faced with is an uphill battle, because until our government puts the welfare of our children first, WE are going to have to be their champions. JMO . . . . ~Kenyatta
I am lucky enough to have another option for the daycare situation--a wonderful husband! When I got my job, which pays more and has benefits, he quit where he was working and now works nights. This way one of us always has the kids. Someone is already home when a kid is sick, so that problem is solved, too. There are also drawbacks. I get the kids when they are grumpy and tired. We never see each other in the daylight it seems. His job pays a good bit less than some family members, and mine give him a little flack about him staying home to raise the kids, not me. Sometimes he even gets a little down because I have a 'career' and he has an "idiot job". But, we know that this way the kids are being raised by us in an environment that we are providing, without the expense of four kids in daycare. My best advice is this: you and your husband decide together. All the best, well-meant advice is pretty cold at 2 am on the couch. ~Momof4
I prefer home care for infants. That is what I have done with both my sons. Nathan was in home care from two months until three years with the same person. I just started Josh in a daycare home today. I just have trouble with the idea of putting my baby in a room with 10 other babies and two adults, which is the common practice here. I also like the fact that there are just fewer people coming and going in a home than at a daycare center--minimize the exposure to germs in the early months. But the key is to find a good home care with someone who is trustworthy.
My daycare search was much harder this time than it was with Nathan. When we lived in the Dallas area, it seemed like there was an ample supply of family care homes that provided good care. I visited several that I really liked and would have felt good about. Here in Phoenix, it just seems like many of the home providers are not nearly so professional. Or they don't have any space for infants. I talked to lots of people and visited several. There was only one that I felt good about and that's where Josh is going. Once he is older, I will probably find a good center for him where he will have more opportunity to interact with other children. But for now, he is the baby of the house with the other kids doting on him. ~Andrea
I have some specific reasons for wanting home care for Owen. First, he probably doesn't have a good immune system and so he's better with fewer kids around. Second, and more important, he will have developmental delays and has visiting therapists. It seems sensible if they can work with us and only one other caregiver to make sure targets are met. I also think that if he was in a larger group, he might get treated differently because of the DS, and I just want him to be a baby right now. If someone isn't comparing him with the others all the time, we have a better chance of that happening. This is just an example of how you have to find what's right for you and your child, and it's different for everyone. Now I just have to arrange it. ~Fran
Here is my experience with both. DD#1 stayed with a lady who was certified by the state and watched six children in her home. Her retired husband was there too. When she started at six weeks of age there was another infant, one age 2, two age 3, and one age 4. She had ONE cold her first year (6 months)and 2 ear infections at 10 and 11 months. Was not sick again until she was 25 months old. Not even a cold! She was crawling at 5 months, walking at 10 months and fully potty trained at 22 months, all due, in my opinion to the influence of the older children. Her manners were impeccable (please and thank you). We never had behavioral problems until we moved her to a daycare facility.
Jessica, on the other hand has been at the same center since six weeks. She has been given foods which were not authorized, skipped bottles, has already had 6 colds and 2 sinus infections, and is not yet crawling at 7.5 months due, in my opinion, to the fact that until I found out last week they were keeping her in a crib or bouncy seat all day. The child was getting no floor time! Starting this Monday I have demanded she only be laced in her crib when she is sleepy and she is already starting to scoot around and get up on all fours!
If I had my way, I would always stick with the in-home care (with multiple children). I think DD#1 was much more stimulated than DD#2 is while I'm at work and thus progressed more quickly. Just my opinion. ~Janet
I had an unusual situation when my DS was born. Both DH and I worked in a nightclub so we had some "unusual" hours. I came across a lady who was highly recommended by other people we worked with who had children. She watches children for people who work those odd hours. My son loves her dearly and so I feel like she is a second mother. We talk about how we want our son disciplined, what foods we prefer him to eat etc. We are working on potty training right now and find that she is much more patient and attentive to his needs. She is always checking with him to see if he needs to go just like we do at home. She believes in positive reinforcement etc. The added bonus to this is that he sees and plays with a group of children we spend time with outside of daycare. I have had to take him to a daycare center on a drop in basis. I didn't like the way I picked him up. He wasn't always clean and fresh faced like I was used to and he that "daycare" smell. I don't know how to describe it; he just really smelled like sweaty baby no matter when I picked him up.
Don't get me wrong. It was harder on me than him to go to a daycare center. I cried the first time I left him there. He was just anxious to go play with new toys.
There are pros and cons to both sides. I personally feel that without Grace (his daycare provider) I would be lost. If I need to work late I can. If I need her to watch him over night she will. If DH and I need "people time," she often tells us to leave him with her for a little while longer and go out. She often does this when we haven't been out in a while. So those are some of the advantages that I have of having a home care provider. ~Dianna
I've lost soooo much sleep over who would watch my baby when he was born. It was the one most difficult situation I've ever been in. Even before he was conceived I stressed over this.
Right now I have a combo situation for my 3 1/2-month-old. Two days a week he's with grandma and three days I have someone in my home. I have to say, sometimes the sitter is an easier situation than grandma is. My mom lives about 1/2 hour to 45 minutes away and I leave for work at 5:45 am. She wants him in her home and I want him in mine; I don't want him to become a commuter.
I got the sitter through an ad I put in the local paper. I tried nanny services but they were either unprofessional or not helpful at all. She has wonderful references. She just ended a job caring for a 6 year old she watched since 3 months. The child is now in full time kindergarten. It was really difficult finally making the decision to hire her. We thought about nanny-cams and never followed through. So far my son seems happy although he's not sleeping through the night anymore. Could be the sudden changes. It's nice knowing someone caring and responsible is watching only him, in his own home. I wish I could afford 5 days but with my hours, three days is 40 hours, and it's really expensive!! I think every working mom thinks the same thing: I WISH I COULD WORK 3 DAYS A WEEK!!!! ~Donna
I think there are great proponents for both home care and daycare and it truly is a personal preference. I know there are plenty of bad daycares out there, but there are plenty of good and great ones as well. The one difference I noticed, was that most of the daycares that were better than average tended to be "learning centers" Such as Kindercare (which is a nationwide corporate Day Care chain) or the Montessori school daycares (I know there are several of these in the DC area, I don't know about elsewhere). This has been great for the development of my son who has to spend five days a week there at about 8 hours a day. The caregivers are like his second parents, and he has done nothing but thrive under their attention, even with several other kids around (the center takes children from 6 weeks to 12 years but has rooms sectioned out with low walls for each age group).
I don't regret a moment that he's been there (since 6 weeks) and his health record is fabulous. The center is very good about washing up time, clean up time and helping the child develop. ~Becky
I am in central New Jersey and daycare is the pits. I cannot find a decent home environment with someone I trust and centers are SOOO expensive! I am currently paying $260 a week and it goes by Mondays in the month, so if there are 5 Mondays, there goes $1,300! I am only working because we need health insurance. Yes, the extra money helps but we could live without it. My husband is a painter by trade with his own business and has no health insurance. So therein lies the problem. If I did not have a pre-existing health condition (thyroid) I would skip the insurance all together and opt for the new program New Jersey offers for kids with no insurance. So, how does one get around this? I started crying less than 1/2 way through reading your replies. I want to stay home with my son and am so torn that someone else is raising my child (and not giving him 100%) and this may be my only one. How does a mom cope with that? ~Debbie
I hear you Debbie! I carry the insurance too. DH is self-employed, so I have to work. I would suggest you get back out there and re-examine your daycare choices. You pay a lot of $$! Ask everyone you know - follow up on his or her leads. Do you have a service through work or the county that has daycare listings? I don't use daycare, but when I looked into it (outside of Philly), it was about $135 for an infant and less as they got older. ~Gillian
Debbie, I would look around too. I have been looking at centers as well for when Justin is 1 year old. The places I have been looking at run about $150 - $250/week. This is inside Philly. I haven't had much success outside Philly; most seem to only take children 2 years+ around us. Currently Justin spends two days with Daddy and two days with my girlfriend at her house. She has four kids ranging in age from 14-3 so there is constant activity there! Justin loves being around all the activity. I prefer in-home care for the first year or so because of the "extras". . . kisses, hugs and one on one interaction. Also, less risk of illness. However, I am looking to put Justin part-time in a center sometime after his first birthday. That way he has interaction with kids his own age and learns appropriate "socialization" skills. Right now the kids he is with are older and they all dote all over him -- they love him to death and constantly play/hug/kiss him ALL DAY! ~Tammi
This is such a hot-button issue. I agonized over my decision to send Skyler to daycare. A good friend of mine in California had her daughter in an in-home daycare, and her daughter was sexually abused. And while I am sure there are thousands of excellent daycares out there, that has tainted my view. The daycare center I chose is a chain (New Horizon), and they have cameras in each room with monitors in the infant room and the director's office. There are no dark corners or hidden rooms where someone could take a child. It is incredibly clean. Skyler seems to love the stimulation and to play with the older kids. But because unemployment is so low in Minnesota, they are having a hard time staffing the center. They used to have three older daycare workers in the infant center. Now they've hired a couple of high school kids. I notice the high school girls act like this is a babysitting job. The older workers stimulate the kids more and do arts and crafts projects and things. The younger girls pretty much just put the kids to sleep, feed them and change their diapers. I think Skyler isn't progressing as much now as she was at home with me, but she seems happy. And the daycare workers and other kids adore her. I dunno. It's a toss-up. And while I would love to stay home with her, I can't help think about my Mom who stayed at home to raise us and when my father and she got divorced she was caught with no job skills and a child to raise. I never want to have to depend on a man for support. Because you never know what could happen, and I want to be sure I can support my children on my own. ~Amber
