One of my co-workers once revealed to me something about her nanny she wished she could change: During meals, the nanny would record the baby's feeding times . . . and nothing else. 12:13 PM. 5:02 PM. Technically, she was doing her job. But my co-worker wanted to know more to feel more connected. It was time for the dreaded "you're great, now change" conversation, and that's certainly never easy.
Since avoidance is not an effective solution, here are a few tips to help those uncomfortable conversations go more smoothly.
Soften Your Approach
-- Point out something great the babysitter or nanny has done recently and use it to move into the conversation.
Example: "It's great that you take the time to tell me when my child ate! I love knowing about what happens during the day, and it would be great if you could tell me more, such as . . ."
-- Use your child as the entrance into the conversation.
Example: "Billy mentioned he really liked the sandwich you made for him last week, but he can't remember what it is. Can you record more information about their meals from now on?"
-- Use a babysitter or nanny from the past. (Tread lightly with this.)
Example: "Our last babysitter always fed the kids junk food, so I'm a little neurotic about meals now! Can you record a little more information when you feed the kids, such as . . ."
Example: "An old nanny used to carry Billy over her shoulder and he would completely panic. I just wanted to let you know that so you don't spend the rest of the afternoon calming a terrified toddler."
Talking Tactics
-- Stick to the key points. While there may indeed be 345 reasons why your babysitter or nanny should record more about your child's meals, don't run through all of them. Keep the conversation focused to prevent your main points from getting diluted.
-- Keep your key points short and sweet. Long-winded explanations will lose your nanny's interest and make her less open to these discussions in the future.
-- Don't play the blame game. Don't point the finger or harp on her role in the situation, since the whole point is to find a solution or compromise, not to create a division between you.
-- Encourage your nanny to share her concerns with you too. Communication is, as the saying goes, a two-way street. If you make it clear to your nanny that you want her feedback as well, she'll be more willing to listen to yours in this give-and-take relationship.
Make Time for Meetings
Don't have to wait until there's a problem to have discussions with your nanny. To keep the lines of communication constantly open, schedule brief, regular meetings with your child care provider so both of you can catch up and voice your concerns.
Of course, when you're rushing out of the house, your nanny is trying to get settled in and your child is pulling her in five different directions, it's not the ideal time to try to communicate anything beyond, "Be home at 6, frozen dinners are in the fridge!" Since timing is everything, the best time to meet with your nanny is when you're both relaxed and prepared.
Have a brief five-minute discussion with your nanny when you come home, just to catch up on the day's activities and get a quick report. Beyond that, set aside an extra 10-20 minutes each month to talk in person or on the phone. With a good communication system in place, you can kiss the awkwardness goodbye and embrace a healthier, happier child care relationship.
About the Author
Genevieve Thiers is the founder and CEO of Sittercity.com, America's largest and most trusted online source for caregivers. Thiers has shared child care tips with audiences across the country, including those of the Today Show, The Wall Street Journal, The View, Parenting, Martha Stewart Living Radio and many more. She has also been featured on The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch and CNN Live's Young People Who Rock, won a spot on Crain's coveted 40 Under 40 List, been recognized by President Bush as the SBA's Young Entrepreneur of the Year in 2006, and was the international UPS "Out of the Box" first place winner for her idea for Sittercity.com. To learn more about Genevieve and her expert appearances nationwide, visit http://www.sittercity.com/press.
