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StorkNet Home > Parenting Channel > Working Mothers Cubby
When You Are The Only One in The Office With an Infant
by Kenyatta Thomas
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I find myself in this predicament on my job, and sometimes it bothers me when I get the "I'm glad I don't have to deal with that because my kids are grown" or "I don't have kids, so I can't relate". Most time it doesn't bother me, but sometimes it just plain irks me! Whatever happened to plain old compassion?
I often want to say, what goes around comes around . . . wait until YOU have children . . . but I don't. In these times when more and more women are returning to the workforce, this is an attitude that has outgrown it's usefulness, and should be put out to pasture.
Here are how some other moms feel on the subject of being the only one in the office with a small child:
 I work in a very small office, and I am the only one with a baby. One girl at work is unable to have children because of a hysterectomy at a very young age, and the whole time I was pregnant, she was so jealous, and made all kinds of comments about how HUGE I was getting, blah, blah, blah. Now she says she's SO glad she has the freedom to do what she wants, sleeps late on weekends, etc. I finally had enough and commented how I was so happy I got to travel and see the world before I had a baby, and now I have a wonderful husband, we're buying a house, and have a beautiful baby boy! That shut her up, and I haven't heard any more comments for a week! I feel sad for her because it's so obvious she wants a baby in the worst way. ~Kat
Yes!!!!!!!!!!!! My fellow employees are either much older or much younger. I had scheduled Gracie's 9-month well baby check-up months before I even went back to work and bless the pediatrician's office, they claimed they couldn't change times so I had to ask for help covering 1/2 of my route that day. You wouldn't believe how they acted. It was like a crime. I just kinda let it go, but it does bother me. At least I'm trying to keep her healthy and work at the same time. Any credit for that???? LOL! ~Ronda
I am the only one with kids where I work too! I am expecting #2 in January and everyone is talking about it!! It seems they have nothing else to talk about!!! I would rather the attention than the negative comments though! The only thing is I hope they are willing to pitch in and help me out when I have to leave for a doctor's apt or when I have to go to put up my legs!! ~Tica
I am the only woman with young kids; there is a guy who is my age and he has two kids, one on the way but he doesn't talk much about his family. There is one woman older who has been trying for years to get pregnant, and I can tell she is jealous and another woman my age that's been trying for about nine months and I can tell she is a bit jealous. I feel bad talking to them about it; they say it doesn't bother them but I know it does. It used to bother me when I wanted a baby so badly. My boss doesn't understand why I am missing work so much; I don't think it's a lot but when I am sick and then my son gets sick, it seems like a lot at once. But I put my son, my home life and myself first. Jobs come and go. Besides, when baby #2 gets here, I'm going to be a SAHM for a while. ~Cheryl
This topic ALWAYS follows being asked whether you can stay late on any given day. Who's gotten that question, and sighed inwardly knowing you were going to have to say, "No, I have to pick up my son/daughter" - KNOWING they know you can't stay!
I went through a LONG battle with my supervisor on this one, who seemed to just not GET IT, that unless she told me a day or two in advance - I just wasn't staying - weekend work included.
I constantly asked her what the point to my having a computer at home was, if I couldn't use it when there was extra work to be done?
These days, we're on the same page, and the times I HAVE had to work late, we coordinated in advance with my husband, or I've taken work home.
Here's what we've discussed at StorkNet on the matter of overtime:
I stopped keeping track of the times I have had to say that I had to pick up Chariti, but it seems just to fall on deaf ears! And I always ask myself, when they have two other girls, who DON'T have families, to ask to stay late, WHY is it I am the one that gets the sobby guilt trip?? And then I get treated like I do nothing for the company for the next week, because I have to say no?? ~Erin
WOW - I feel REALLY LUCKY now. My boss is always pretty easy about things like that. I do have DS in a lift club so three days out of four, I am in one hour earlier than I need to be, and also one hour before the other two ladies in my office arrive. I never have hassles about my leaving 30 minutes earlier when it is my lift club day, and my colleagues (who don't have children) know that I pick DH up on my way home from work and check with me REAL EARLY if they might want me to stay late. Then I get DH to take a bus home (I work far off any bus routes so I get the car). I've also never been given a guilt trip if I have to leave early if DS is sick, but I will offer to finish my immediate task first if it is urgent. In return for this, I don't mind working in the odd lunch hour or two. I think it helps that my boss has a daughter and knows how much his wife runs around after her, and she doesn't work outside the home. The last place I worked, my boss had no kids so things were much harder. ~Jayne
So, what's my advice to avoid these types of confrontations with co-workers and managers? Have a plan of action already laid out in advance for when this problem comes up. Work out in advance with a spouse or family member who will pick up the kids . . . and also lay it out for your boss. You MAY be able to work overtime on occasion, but not every occasion. And let them know in advance what you WILL and WON'T do when it comes to staying late.
This is one of those times when having the lines of communication open - even if all parties do not agree on the outcome, will always work in your favor.
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