Can't Conceive Second Child
By Judith Lolas, MSW, ACSW

Q. I have an 8 year daughter who was conceived unexpectedly, but she is very loved. After trying for a long time to conceive another child, I contacted my OB. She put me on Provera and Clomid. We've still had no luck. I need help dealing with the bitterness I feel. Everyone aroung me is having babies that they don't even want and I have been trying for four years. I'm just tired of hurting, tired of waiting, tired of hoping, and tired of being disappointed. Can you offer me any suggestions?

A. Wow, I have been there myself. I tried after my first for six years . . . through all the horrid tests, the temp taking, the tears and anger, and avoiding baby showers and shopping malls, etc. I sought my own counseling because even therapists need that. We ended up adopting because nothing else would work and for us; it was the right answer. We have a natural child and an adopted child, and we love both. For some, they just don't have another child and for others, they go your route. From my experience and knowledge, those very drugs which help infertility, also can cause mood swings, depression, etc.

I would find someone to talk to, either a doctor or counselor to get through this. I have no magic for you; we cannot make a child if we cannot make one, no matter how painful this truth is. If you can keep trying without losing your sanity, do so. Sometimes miracles happen. If not, and adoption is not possible, you may need to see someone to accept that another child may not be in your future.

I hope something works for you; you sound like a wonderful parent.

With Care,