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SECOND
BABY ~ How will I do it?
Cindy:
Anne, My daughter is now 10 months old, and when she was born
I had a very hard time nursing, my milk production stopped. I
ended up giving her formula. We plan on having another child in
a couple of years and I am very concerned that I won't have the
ability to take care of a toddler and learn how to nurse a baby
at the same time. Not only the actual nursing portion of it, but
also the scheduling. Plus going back to work and how long I would
have to wait. What can I do to prepare myself and my husband for
that enormous change in our lives? Thanks so much.
Anne:
Wow, I wish I had the answer to this question! Having a second
baby is definitely a momentous, life changing event, and I'm not
sure that anyone can tell you exactly how to prepare for it. I
remember all the scary thoughts that went through my head when
I found out I was pregnant again: How will I handle a toddler
who is going through the terrible twos and a newborn? Will I have
two in diapers at the same time? Can I possibly love another baby
as much as I love my first? Will the older baby feel left out
while I'm nursing the newborn? How can I possibly take care of
two kids and still have time left for cleaning, cooking, and spending
time with my husband?
I think that
all of these are normal feelings for any mother, especially if
her babies are spaced pretty close together. First time mothers
are stressed because everything is so new, and they are afraid
that they will do something wrong that will scar their child for
life. They worry about whether the baby is sleeping enough or
sleeping too much, eating too little or eating too much, whether
they are warm enough or too hot, etc. etc. They also tend to be
in a huge rush. First time moms can't wait for the first tooth,
the first solids, the first steps, and so on.
The good thing
about expecting your second is that you kind of know what to expect
because you've been there before. You've learned that your baby
isn't as fragile as you thought, and won't die if she eats a dustball
off the floor or skips a bath one night and goes to bed with dirty
feet. You tend to not sweat the small stuff as much, and not to
be in such a hurry for all the milestones that you just couldn't
wait for the first time around.
The downside
of having a second baby is that you are spread much thinner. You
have more laundry, cooking, and cleaning to do, and less time
to do it. With the first baby, you have the luxury of letting
everything revolve around the baby's schedule: when she naps,
you nap. When the second baby arrives, you have to accommodate
the needs of a newborn who has to have attention pretty much 24/7,
and also the needs of the older child who suddenly has to share
you with this new little person. When the baby naps, you feel
like you should be spending time with your toddler or emptying
the dishwasher or folding the laundry or defrosting the chicken
for dinner and on and on and on.
It is challenging,
but mothers have been doing it for millions of years, and you
can too. You have plenty of love to go around, and you will find
ways to cope with the demands of housecleaning, sibling jealousy,
etc. You may have to let some things go. For example, when I had
one baby, I was a very meticulous housekeeper. I changed the sheets
every week, all my closets were organized, and I dusted every
week. After six kids, my sheets get changed when someone throws
up or pees on them and not before. My closets are so full that
you are taking your life in your hands when you open them, and
I don't even notice the dust bunnies as long as the floor is cleared
out enough so that there is a path through the living room. It
all seems to work out somehow. My kids are happy and really don't
seem to care how often their sheets get changed or how many dust
bunnies are lurking in the corners.
As far as
breastfeeding goes, I nursed all mine so I can't really imagine
doing it any other way. To me, nursing is so much easier than
formula feeding. When you nurse, you have a built in milk supply
that is ready immediately and always at the right temperature,
and you can pick up and go anywhere without hauling bottles around.
You get more sleep at night if you tuck your baby in bed with
you and doze while you nurse, rather than dragging yourself out
of bed to fix a bottle. You also have a built in pacifier, so
you can calm and comfort your baby wherever you are.
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