Our thanks to Jennifer Bowles!

9. StorkNet Member: My problem is that I don't think anyone will believe that my husband is rough with me. He never leaves marks or bruises. He pushes, gets angry, and does things like tells me to stay home or in the bedroom. Other people only see his nice side. His family thinks he is some kind of God. I feel so alone. Thank you for any direction or thoughts on this because I can't live like this much longer.

Jennifer: I sense from your question how very alone you must be feeling. This is one way perpetrators of domestic violence continue their behavior and continue their relationships. They work at isolating their partners and children so that they don't feel they have anyone to turn to. It is not unusual for others in your social circle to either miss the "red flags" of violence or perhaps your husband only shows this side of himself with you. The very fact that he is not causing bruises may make him think he isn't being abusive.

Domestic violence can happen slowly. It may start with verbal abuse and communication that works at tearing down the woman's self-esteem. It makes her question her self worth and often she questions what it is she is doing to "provoke" the violence. This is such crazy making behavior. It is the woman's attempt to gain some sense of control over the situation. She thinks to herself, "If I just wouldn't nag him," or "If I could just do what he asks." This behavior is also seen in the children who are witnessing the abuse. They think if only they could behave they wouldn't cause their parent to become angry and abusive.

I want you to know first that you are not alone. This is an issue in so many relationships. So often we downplay the violence because he is nice to us sometimes, or he is a good father, or he is under stress. We downplay verbal abuse which causes scarring on the insides and gradually makes us feel unworthy of happiness or a caring relationship.

It must be very hard to have his family view him in such a positive light when you have experienced him in a painful way. It is likely you will not get support from his family which will also be painful.  If they know of his violent tendencies they likely have a history of protecting him, looking the other way or just plain denying that he could do harm to you.

You will need to find the strength through your own support system. Do you have family or friends you can call on for support? If not there are support groups now in most communities. I strongly recommend support groups as this fights the isolation factor. You will need support to build your strength. You deserve to be happy and to feel safety in your home. You do not deserve to be hurt by your spouse. You are not alone.

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Questions and Answers (Click on the linked numbers below):

 1.  Husband's temper
 2.  Divorced, did not keep documentation for protection. What should I do?
 3.  I'm getting divorced. Do I tell the judge about my husband's anger? Should my daughter be with him?
 4.  How do I find an Abuse Center in My area?
 5.  How can I help my friend see that she's in a cycle of abuse?
 6.  Thank you, Jennifer
 7.  Is verbal abuse considered domestic violence?
 8.  I've left my husband - why do I feel so sad and guilty?
 9.  I'm being abused but no one can tell.
10. How does domestic abuse affect the children of the marriage?
11. When do you get past the damage?
12. Husband abusive and terminal. I'm pregnant. Can I make it on my own?
13. Therapists and false memories
14. Who do we tell if a child in my son's class is being molested?
15. My children are afraid of their father but he has part custody, what do I do?
16. This relationship is tearing down her self-confidence piece by piece.
17. I got away from the abuse but now my daughter is suffering.
18. Why do so many women end up in abusive relationships?
19. Is yelling verbal abuse?
20. Steps toward recovery?
21. Parents drinking affects the holidays
22. My dad was verbally abusive to me and I now suffer from low self esteem.
23. I can hear the neighbors fighting. What should I do?
24. My ex says no to counseling, but I want my kids to go.
25. Is my boyfriend showing signs of being abusive?
26. How can I prevent visitation rights?
27. Question about one of Jennifer's comments
28. Finding strength and independence
29. I worry so much about my children when they are with him and his new wife.
30. My friend got out of one abusive relationship and into another.
31. Helping my brother with his temper
32. My husband is an alcoholic.
33. My sister is abusing me.
34. My mom was abusive. Will I be too?
35. Abusive husband and a new baby
36. How is past abuse from my deceased husband affecting my 4 1/2 year old?
37. My best friend chose a controlling boyfriend, just like her father. Help me explain to her.
38. My husband intimidates me into sex. Is this abuse?
39. Husband has anxiety and is becoming violent
40. Separated, pregnant and thinking of working things out with abusive husband
41. Question about verbal abuse?
42. Is my boyfriend abusive?
43. Ex-husband and unpaid child support
44. Surviving molestation
45. Our arguing has turned physical now
46. I left my verbally abusive husband
47. Woman realizes she is the abuser
48. Husband's health is making him angry
49. Abuse and chronically ill
50. Abusive relationship and going through divorce proceedings
51. Granddaughter may lose custody
52. Relationship with abusive boyfriend is like obsession
53. Very afraid of abusive, threatening husband
54. Are my boyfriend's actions abusive?
55. I worry that my children will be molested because I was
56. Why do women stay or have a hard time leaving?
57. I need help to get away. What can I do?
58. Elderly parents are abusing each other, alcohol involved.
59. Is my daughter being abused by her stepmom?
60. Do you discuss female domestic violence towards men and children?
61. Friend keeps going back to abusive boyfriend
62. Alcohol problems as teens related to growing up in a violent home?
63. I left my abuser... a message of hope
64. How to help a pregnant friend
65. Resources for domestic violence in the military?
66. Nephew in abusive relationship
67. My husband is too controlling
68. Advice from someone who stayed
69. I left and now I'm confused
70. Thank you, Jennifer
71. My husband mentally abuses me
72. I've taken steps to leave my abusive husband, but am worried about my daughter
73. Abuse in friendships?
74. Why do women oppose mandatory reporting?
75. My husband is frightening me with his anger
76. Am I becoming my father?
77. Love and abuse
78. Boyfriend threatens me
79. Husband wants me to get an abortion, is verbally abusive.
80. My mother-in-law is harrassing us
81. Children verbally abusive like their father
82. Son and daughter-in-law's arguing affecting grandson
83. Should I call my husband on each verbal abuse?
84. My fiancé babysits and I am worried about his temper
85. My friend's child is affected by abuse by father
86. Every time he hits me, he blames me for it, then repents, apologizes and feels bad.
87. Acquaintances from church--the woman is attacking her husband. How can I help?
88. Shelters - how do you find your funds to live on and where to go?
89. My friend appears to have no way out!
90. My husband is in prison and we're divorcing. Visitation rights?
91. If you are in immediate danger