Bowles is a licensed clinical social worker currently working
in California as a medical social worker at a county hospital.
She obtained her Master's degree in social work from U.C.L.A.
Since graduating in 1993 she has worked in a variety of settings,
including private practice, with children and families, frail
elderly, and chronically and terminally ill clients. Prior to
becoming a social worker she was a deputy sheriff. She believes
this law enforcement background provided her with an increased
sensitivity to abuse issues, including domestic violence.
She has seen
first hand the damage domestic violence does to the individual
and family. It crosses all demographic barriers: financial, racial,
ethnic, age and sexual orientation.
Our thanks to Jennifer Bowles!
Member: My granddaughter was anorexic for 2 years. Her husband
is very controlling and I'm sure that was a big part of it. She
put herself into an eating disorder clinic for 2 months. Her husband's
family took care of the 3 children. They are now going through
a divorce and her husband is using the eating disorder clinic
against her. He calls it an institution and says she is too unstable
to care for the children. She is not 100 % cured but she is much,
much better. The closer they get to the divorce the better she
is. He wants sole custody of the kids. He has his mother, father,
brother, two sisters, and aunt, uncle and babysitter testifying
against her because of her past behavior. He has a nanny set up
for when he gets custody of the kids. He is always putting her
down, says she contributes nothing to the marriage and can't do
anything right. Last week she took care of the three kids, cut
the grass, did the laundry, took the boys for hair cuts and soccer
practice, took her daughter for gymnastics, cooked dinner every
night (he doesn't eat there, he goes to his mother's house) and
went on a field trip with her daughter. She is doing such a good
job with the kids, but he only cuts her down and never recognizes
all she does. He says she should be out working. What can she
do to show the court that she has changed and is now a wonderful
mother to her children? Also, he swears at her and then denies
it. He has no problems telling a lie and she is sure he is going
to make up a lot of things in order to get custody of the kids.
What hope does she have?
I would say "she has the hope of a loving grandmother" ...you.
It must be very painful to watch this young woman you love, and
who is a part of you, in so much turmoil and feel as if you are
helpless to assist her. You aren't. Even if you cannot assist
her financially (and she very much needs a lawyer. She will unfortunately
need the services of a lawyer for some time as this is probably
just "round one"). She sounds like she is finally getting her
SELF back. I encourage you to continue telling her how very proud
you are of her and that you will be there for her no matter what
the outcome of her legal battle is. It is difficult when we choose
the father of our children when we are hurting and they sometimes
turn out to be someone who hurt us further. It is not something
she can change at this point, but she must tell herself she will
make different choices in the future for her life as she is getting
healthier everyday. Her children will see a mother who is holding
her head up and a mother who has sought help for a debilitating
She will survive
this battle. She will live a life that will be full of healthier
choices and with the love of a grandmother who cheers her on.
Just know that your love is a healing force in her life. Have
her reach out to the people in her eating disorder support group.
Tell her she will be stronger by asking others for their help.
I wish her well and I'm so very glad she has you in her corner.
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Questions and Answers (Click on the linked numbers below):
2. Divorced, did
not keep documentation for protection. What should I do?
3. I'm getting divorced.
Do I tell the judge about my husband's anger? Should my daughter
be with him?
4. How do I find
an Abuse Center in My area?
5. How can I help
my friend see that she's in a cycle of abuse?
Thank you, Jennifer
7. Is verbal abuse
considered domestic violence?
8. I've left my
husband - why do I feel so sad and guilty?
9. I'm being abused
but no one can tell.
10. How does domestic abuse
affect the children of the marriage?
11. When do you get past the
12. Husband abusive and terminal.
I'm pregnant. Can I make it on my own?
13. Therapists and false memories
Who do we tell if a child in my son's class is being molested?
15. My children are afraid of
their father but he has part custody, what do I do?
16. This relationship is tearing
down her self-confidence piece by piece.
17. I got away from the abuse
but now my daughter is suffering.
18. Why do so many women end
up in abusive relationships?
19. Is yelling verbal abuse?
20. Steps toward recovery?
21. Parents drinking affects
22. My dad was verbally abusive
to me and I now suffer from low self esteem.
23. I can hear the neighbors
fighting. What should I do?
24. My ex says no to counseling,
but I want my kids to go.
my boyfriend showing signs of being abusive?
26. How can I prevent visitation
27. Question about one of Jennifer's
28. Finding strength and independence
29. I worry so much about my
children when they are with him and his new wife.
30. My friend got out of one
abusive relationship and into another.
31. Helping my brother with
32. My husband is an alcoholic.
33. My sister is abusing me.
34. My mom was abusive. Will
I be too?
35. Abusive husband and a new
36. How is past abuse from my
deceased husband affecting my 4 1/2 year old?
37. My best friend chose a controlling
boyfriend, just like her father. Help me explain to her.
38. My husband intimidates me
into sex. Is this abuse?
39. Husband has anxiety and
is becoming violent
40. Separated, pregnant and
thinking of working things out with abusive husband
41. Question about verbal abuse?
42. Is my boyfriend abusive?
43. Ex-husband and unpaid child
44. Surviving molestation
45. Our arguing has turned physical
46. I left my verbally abusive
realizes she is the abuser
48. Husband's health is making
49. Abuse and chronically ill
50. Abusive relationship and
going through divorce proceedings
51. Granddaughter may lose custody
52. Relationship with abusive
boyfriend is like obsession
53. Very afraid of abusive,
54. Are my boyfriend's actions
55. I worry that my children
will be molested because I was
56. Why do women stay or have
a hard time leaving?
57. I need help to get away.
What can I do?
58. Elderly parents are abusing
each other, alcohol involved.
59. Is my daughter being abused
by her stepmom?
60. Do you discuss female domestic
violence towards men and children?
61. Friend keeps going back
to abusive boyfriend
62. Alcohol problems as teens
related to growing up in a violent home?
63. I left my abuser... a message
64. How to help a pregnant friend
65. Resources for domestic violence
in the military?
66. Nephew in abusive relationship
67. My husband is too controlling
68. Advice from someone who
69. I left and now I'm confused
70. Thank you, Jennifer
71. My husband mentally abuses
72. I've taken steps to leave
my abusive husband, but am worried about my daughter
73. Abuse in friendships?
74. Why do women oppose mandatory
75. My husband is frightening
me with his anger
Am I becoming my father?
77. Love and abuse
78. Boyfriend threatens me
79. Husband wants me to get
an abortion, is verbally abusive.
80. My mother-in-law is harrassing
81. Children verbally abusive
like their father
82. Son and daughter-in-law's
arguing affecting grandson
83. Should I call my husband
on each verbal abuse?
84. My fiancÚ babysits and I
am worried about his temper
85. My friend's child is affected
by abuse by father
86. Every time he hits me, he
blames me for it, then repents, apologizes and feels bad.
87. Acquaintances from church--the
woman is attacking her husband. How can I help?
88. Shelters - how do you find
your funds to live on and where to go?
89. My friend appears to have
no way out!
My husband is in prison and we're divorcing. Visitation rights?
If you are in immediate danger