Bowles is a licensed clinical social worker currently working
in California as a medical social worker at a county hospital.
She obtained her Master's degree in social work from U.C.L.A.
Since graduating in 1993 she has worked in a variety of settings,
including private practice, with children and families, frail
elderly, and chronically and terminally ill clients. Prior to
becoming a social worker she was a deputy sheriff. She believes
this law enforcement background provided her with an increased
sensitivity to abuse issues, including domestic violence.
She has seen
first hand the damage domestic violence does to the individual
and family. It crosses all demographic barriers: financial, racial,
ethnic, age and sexual orientation.
Our thanks to Jennifer Bowles!
Member: I was a victim of domestic violence. I'm reading these
questions and answers and would love to share my story in hopes
that it will help other women. I left my husband (in another state)
and moved away safely with my two year old. I'm so happy now,
but it did take three times of me leaving until I finally saw
I was a victim
of all abuse and can say that for me, emotional abuse was the
worst. It hurst the most. It's only been a month (as of today)
since we left; he has no idea where we are, and now we can sleep
at night and not walk on eggshells all the time. I can actually
be myself again, and not worry about making him mad or him getting
I just want
to say to all women who are mothers in domestic violence that
your children need a mother who is going to be alive! Be strong
for yourself, and for your kids. They need you. The best gift
for the kids is to be a happy mom. I know it is hard, but just
be strong and if you can not do it for yourself, look at your
children in the eyes next time they are scared because Daddy is
of you who are not moms, do it for yourself. Women are all beautiful
inside and out. We are so valuable and we deserve the best. There
are so many questions that run through your minds but there are
also so many resources that can help you. Try your local police
department to get a phone number for your local crisis center
where you can find help, counseling, and group counseling.
I was always
afraid to talk to the police because my husband would always say
he would cut himself up and say I did it if I called the police.
He would also say that if I told anyone he would hurt someone
in my family - that would hurt me for life. It is so easy for
someone else to say "just leave." It's easy for them to question
why you would ever want to stay. I know from experience that it's
not easy to leave. There are cycles that we go through with the
abuser that keeps us hanging on. It's as if we subconsciously
live for the rush of not knowing what is going to happen next.
and know you are worth something. You deserve to be yoruself.
I can tell you I am so happy now. It's scarey to be a single mommy,
but nothing is scarier than wondering if he is going to hit you
or hurt your kids. I never thought he would hurt my son but he
did!! Again, it took me three times of leaving him for at least
six months each time, and he never changed. There is that little
hope of thinking that he will change, but they will not. Be strong.
My prayers are with you.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with others. It is so
personal and I know will help women out there who are looking
for some hope. Be proud of yourself for taking care of you and
your child. I know in abusive relationships that self esteem is
crushed into nothingness and so it is a big help to suggest doing
it for your children and your suggestion about looking into your
children's eyes was excellent. Don't worry about being "single"
for awhile. It will take time to heal your wounds and this will
build your self esteem and confidence. You deserve this time to
focus on "just you and your child." Did you know that telling
your story is a healing act in itself? The more you tell your
story the more it is released (like toxins so to speak) from inside
of you. I wish you and your child the very best life has to offer
and once again thank you for sharing this message of hope.
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Questions and Answers (Click on the linked numbers below):
2. Divorced, did
not keep documentation for protection. What should I do?
3. I'm getting divorced.
Do I tell the judge about my husband's anger? Should my daughter
be with him?
4. How do I find
an Abuse Center in My area?
5. How can I help
my friend see that she's in a cycle of abuse?
Thank you, Jennifer
7. Is verbal abuse
considered domestic violence?
8. I've left my
husband - why do I feel so sad and guilty?
9. I'm being abused
but no one can tell.
10. How does domestic abuse
affect the children of the marriage?
11. When do you get past the
12. Husband abusive and terminal.
I'm pregnant. Can I make it on my own?
13. Therapists and false memories
Who do we tell if a child in my son's class is being molested?
15. My children are afraid of
their father but he has part custody, what do I do?
16. This relationship is tearing
down her self-confidence piece by piece.
17. I got away from the abuse
but now my daughter is suffering.
18. Why do so many women end
up in abusive relationships?
19. Is yelling verbal abuse?
20. Steps toward recovery?
21. Parents drinking affects
22. My dad was verbally abusive
to me and I now suffer from low self esteem.
23. I can hear the neighbors
fighting. What should I do?
24. My ex says no to counseling,
but I want my kids to go.
my boyfriend showing signs of being abusive?
26. How can I prevent visitation
27. Question about one of Jennifer's
28. Finding strength and independence
29. I worry so much about my
children when they are with him and his new wife.
30. My friend got out of one
abusive relationship and into another.
31. Helping my brother with
32. My husband is an alcoholic.
33. My sister is abusing me.
34. My mom was abusive. Will
I be too?
35. Abusive husband and a new
36. How is past abuse from my
deceased husband affecting my 4 1/2 year old?
37. My best friend chose a controlling
boyfriend, just like her father. Help me explain to her.
38. My husband intimidates me
into sex. Is this abuse?
39. Husband has anxiety and
is becoming violent
40. Separated, pregnant and
thinking of working things out with abusive husband
41. Question about verbal abuse?
42. Is my boyfriend abusive?
43. Ex-husband and unpaid child
44. Surviving molestation
45. Our arguing has turned physical
46. I left my verbally abusive
realizes she is the abuser
48. Husband's health is making
49. Abuse and chronically ill
50. Abusive relationship and
going through divorce proceedings
51. Granddaughter may lose custody
52. Relationship with abusive
boyfriend is like obsession
53. Very afraid of abusive,
54. Are my boyfriend's actions
55. I worry that my children
will be molested because I was
56. Why do women stay or have
a hard time leaving?
57. I need help to get away.
What can I do?
58. Elderly parents are abusing
each other, alcohol involved.
59. Is my daughter being abused
by her stepmom?
60. Do you discuss female domestic
violence towards men and children?
61. Friend keeps going back
to abusive boyfriend
62. Alcohol problems as teens
related to growing up in a violent home?
63. I left my abuser... a message
64. How to help a pregnant friend
65. Resources for domestic violence
in the military?
66. Nephew in abusive relationship
67. My husband is too controlling
68. Advice from someone who
69. I left and now I'm confused
70. Thank you, Jennifer
71. My husband mentally abuses
72. I've taken steps to leave
my abusive husband, but am worried about my daughter
73. Abuse in friendships?
74. Why do women oppose mandatory
75. My husband is frightening
me with his anger
Am I becoming my father?
77. Love and abuse
78. Boyfriend threatens me
79. Husband wants me to get
an abortion, is verbally abusive.
80. My mother-in-law is harrassing
81. Children verbally abusive
like their father
82. Son and daughter-in-law's
arguing affecting grandson
83. Should I call my husband
on each verbal abuse?
84. My fiancÚ babysits and I
am worried about his temper
85. My friend's child is affected
by abuse by father
86. Every time he hits me, he
blames me for it, then repents, apologizes and feels bad.
87. Acquaintances from church--the
woman is attacking her husband. How can I help?
88. Shelters - how do you find
your funds to live on and where to go?
89. My friend appears to have
no way out!
My husband is in prison and we're divorcing. Visitation rights?
If you are in immediate danger