Bowles is a licensed clinical social worker currently working
in California as a medical social worker at a county hospital.
She obtained her Master's degree in social work from U.C.L.A.
Since graduating in 1993 she has worked in a variety of settings,
including private practice, with children and families, frail
elderly, and chronically and terminally ill clients. Prior to
becoming a social worker she was a deputy sheriff. She believes
this law enforcement background provided her with an increased
sensitivity to abuse issues, including domestic violence.
She has seen
first hand the damage domestic violence does to the individual
and family. It crosses all demographic barriers: financial, racial,
ethnic, age and sexual orientation.
Our thanks to Jennifer Bowles!
Member: I have a friend who I really like, and my child is
almost the same age as her child. The basic idea is to have our
children play together and have some adult conversation. The problem
is my friend is great, but I can not handle her child. My friend
is obviously in a bad relationship and her boyfriend is verbally
and emotionally abusive. He is abusive towards their son as well.
He tells him he is fat, and lets him play video games that are
not meant for a four year old. The worst part is that my friend
has tried to leave the boyfriend but he has told the son that
his mother does not love him anymore, and that she is sending
him away. The little boy is a tyrant and is physically abusive
and verbally abusive to his mother. He cries when he thinks his
father is leaving and almost hates his mother for it. He is now
treating his mother the same way his father is. I want to be there
for my friend, but I do not want to subject my children or myself
to this kind of behavior. This little boy has called me names
and it is apparent that his mother does not know what to do. Do
you have any suggestions?
is not married to the father. We live in California. She wants
out of the relationship, but she is worried because he comes from
money that he will take her son away. My friend is self employed
so are there any support systems for her and her son that are
affordable? I really want to be there for her but I think she
needs to leave. He refuses to leave their apartment. They are
both on the lease. Should I contact child protective services?
Need some advice! Thanks.
You could call protective services, as what you describe I certainly
consider child abuse (not to mention domestic violence). I also
understand your concerns about the child being around your child.
It is so sad that he has such a strong and destructive role model
for a father. Unfortunately it is my experience that emotional
abuse of children is very difficult to "prove" and for protective
services to act on.
your local domestic violence agency (you can find this information
out from local police or emergency rooms if you can't find it
in the phone book) about what is available in your area. Things
to ask about would include: what amount of time can a woman and
child spend at the shelter? What assistance can she receive for
housing, possibly transitional housing is available (our area
has transitional housing through the Salvation Army), find out
what support groups are available (for mom and child) and what
is available in the way of counseling and legal assistance. If
mom is low income and applies for housing assistance she can possibly
get priority assistance provided there is a police report. She
needs to keep a log (or have you keep the log and she calls in
the incidents to you so that that information is not at the house)
so that she will have something to assist her when he attempts
to get custody. You are being a good friend, but it is absolutely
okay and most appropriate for you to have good boundaries with
her child since this could cause a problem behavior in your child.
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Questions and Answers (Click on the linked numbers below):
2. Divorced, did
not keep documentation for protection. What should I do?
3. I'm getting divorced.
Do I tell the judge about my husband's anger? Should my daughter
be with him?
4. How do I find
an Abuse Center in My area?
5. How can I help
my friend see that she's in a cycle of abuse?
Thank you, Jennifer
7. Is verbal abuse
considered domestic violence?
8. I've left my
husband - why do I feel so sad and guilty?
9. I'm being abused
but no one can tell.
10. How does domestic abuse
affect the children of the marriage?
11. When do you get past the
12. Husband abusive and terminal.
I'm pregnant. Can I make it on my own?
13. Therapists and false memories
Who do we tell if a child in my son's class is being molested?
15. My children are afraid of
their father but he has part custody, what do I do?
16. This relationship is tearing
down her self-confidence piece by piece.
17. I got away from the abuse
but now my daughter is suffering.
18. Why do so many women end
up in abusive relationships?
19. Is yelling verbal abuse?
20. Steps toward recovery?
21. Parents drinking affects
22. My dad was verbally abusive
to me and I now suffer from low self esteem.
23. I can hear the neighbors
fighting. What should I do?
24. My ex says no to counseling,
but I want my kids to go.
my boyfriend showing signs of being abusive?
26. How can I prevent visitation
27. Question about one of Jennifer's
28. Finding strength and independence
29. I worry so much about my
children when they are with him and his new wife.
30. My friend got out of one
abusive relationship and into another.
31. Helping my brother with
32. My husband is an alcoholic.
33. My sister is abusing me.
34. My mom was abusive. Will
I be too?
35. Abusive husband and a new
36. How is past abuse from my
deceased husband affecting my 4 1/2 year old?
37. My best friend chose a controlling
boyfriend, just like her father. Help me explain to her.
38. My husband intimidates me
into sex. Is this abuse?
39. Husband has anxiety and
is becoming violent
40. Separated, pregnant and
thinking of working things out with abusive husband
41. Question about verbal abuse?
42. Is my boyfriend abusive?
43. Ex-husband and unpaid child
44. Surviving molestation
45. Our arguing has turned physical
46. I left my verbally abusive
realizes she is the abuser
48. Husband's health is making
49. Abuse and chronically ill
50. Abusive relationship and
going through divorce proceedings
51. Granddaughter may lose custody
52. Relationship with abusive
boyfriend is like obsession
53. Very afraid of abusive,
54. Are my boyfriend's actions
55. I worry that my children
will be molested because I was
56. Why do women stay or have
a hard time leaving?
57. I need help to get away.
What can I do?
58. Elderly parents are abusing
each other, alcohol involved.
59. Is my daughter being abused
by her stepmom?
60. Do you discuss female domestic
violence towards men and children?
61. Friend keeps going back
to abusive boyfriend
62. Alcohol problems as teens
related to growing up in a violent home?
63. I left my abuser... a message
64. How to help a pregnant friend
65. Resources for domestic violence
in the military?
66. Nephew in abusive relationship
67. My husband is too controlling
68. Advice from someone who
69. I left and now I'm confused
70. Thank you, Jennifer
71. My husband mentally abuses
72. I've taken steps to leave
my abusive husband, but am worried about my daughter
73. Abuse in friendships?
74. Why do women oppose mandatory
75. My husband is frightening
me with his anger
Am I becoming my father?
77. Love and abuse
78. Boyfriend threatens me
79. Husband wants me to get
an abortion, is verbally abusive.
80. My mother-in-law is harrassing
81. Children verbally abusive
like their father
82. Son and daughter-in-law's
arguing affecting grandson
83. Should I call my husband
on each verbal abuse?
84. My fiancÚ babysits and I
am worried about his temper
85. My friend's child is affected
by abuse by father
86. Every time he hits me, he
blames me for it, then repents, apologizes and feels bad.
87. Acquaintances from church--the
woman is attacking her husband. How can I help?
88. Shelters - how do you find
your funds to live on and where to go?
89. My friend appears to have
no way out!
My husband is in prison and we're divorcing. Visitation rights?
If you are in immediate danger