|
 In
his newest book, Dare
To Forgive, best-selling author, Edward M. Hallowell,
M.D., shows that forgiveness is essential to living a healthy
and happy life. His groundbreaking ideas include a practical,
four part plan to help you face one of life's most difficult personal
challenges and find the strength to forgive. Dare
To Forgive uses true stories to illustrate the power of
forgiveness and to support Dr. Hallowell's research. Whether you're
holding a lifelong grudge or being eaten alive by the daily frustration
of modern life, this easy-to understand book will show you the
way to draw upon a remote and hard-to-reach kind of wisdom within.
"Ned
Hallowell possesses the most inspiring and optimistic voice emerging
from the American medical community today . . .He brings his scientific
knowledge and his generous heart to bear on the problems that
afflict our lives and those of our children, and we are the better
for his unique vision."
-Michael Thompson, Ph.D.
New York Times bestselling coauthor of Raising Cain and Best Friends,
Worst Enemies
 Childhood
Roots of Adult Happiness
Here, at last, is a book brimming with the good news of
raising children-the basic reassuring news about happiness and
unconditional love, about enduring family connections and helping
kids grow up to become happy, responsible adults.
In this groundbreaking
book, best-selling author Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. presents a
carefully thought-out, research-based approach for understanding
what makes children feel good about themselves and the world they
live in.
Ultimately,
this book is a celebration of childhood and of the magic that
happens between parents and the children they love. This is a
wonderful book for all of us who love children.
 Human
Moments: How to Find Meaning and Love in Your Everyday Life
In this book Dr. Hallowell tells true stories from his own life
as well as the lives of many other people like yourself to demonstrate
the power of the human moment, which he defines as "any moment
when we feel strongly in the presence of something that matters
deeply to us". The book tells of human moments within families,
with friends, with romantic partners, and with colleagues at work;
it tells of human moments in the world of spirituality, and human
moments alone, moments of self-discovery.
Says Dr. Hallowell
of this book, "This is my most personal book, and the book
in which I focus most closely on what I think is ultimately important
in life."
Connect: 12 Vital Ties That Open Your Heart, Lengthen Your
Life, and Deepen Your Soul
The promise
of wellness and satisfaction has never been as ubiquitous in our
culture as it is now. Images of happy people stare out at us from
magazine pages and television screens; they are successful and
busy, hurrying from office to the opera, eating healthfully and
acting responsibly. We are a nation of achievers but, as Dr. Edward
Hallowell makes clear in CONNECT, what sustains us -- emotionally,
psychologically, physically -- is connectedness, the feeling that
we are part of something that matters, something larger than ourselves
that gives life its meaning, direction, and purpose.
 Worry:
Hope and Help for a Common Condition
In this lucid, reassuring book, Dr. Hallowell discusses all types
of worry, explores their underlying causes, and considers the
best strategies for coping. Case histories and anecdotes illuminate
such issues as worry in relationships; the correlation between
worry and conditions such as depression, social phobia, generalized
anxiety disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder; worry at
work; and the worried child. In an effective section titled "Remedies
That Work," Dr. Hallowell shows us how to evaluate, control,
and manage worry, both with and without medication.
 When
You Worry About The Child You Love: Emotional and Learning Problems
in Children
Nothing
upsets parents more than the worry that their child may have an
emotional or learning problem. Why does he or she seem so anxious
or depressed or disruptive? Is this a serious problem or simply
part of the normal developmental process? Dr. Edward Hallowell
explores the various kinds of problems children may contend with
that have a biological or genetic basis to them.
 Driven
To Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit
Disorder from Childhood Through Adulthood
Through vivid
stories of the experiences of their patients (both adults and
children), Drs.. Hallowell and Ratey show the varied forms ADD
takes -- from the hyperactive search for high stimulation to the
floating inattention of precise diagnosis and treatment. The authors
explain when and how medication can be extraordinarily helpful,
and since both doctors have ADD, their advice on effective behavior-modification
techniques for overcoming the syndrome is enriched by their own
experience.
 Answers
to Distraction
Drs. Hallowell and Ratey respond to the questions their enormous
and expanding audience has most often asked them about ADD. The
result is a 'user's guide' to ADD presented in a question-and-answer
format ideal for even the most distractible reader. Each chapter
covers a specific element of ADD, enabling readers to find quickly
the aspect that most concerns them, such as ADD in woman, ADD
and aggression, or ADD and work. The authors provide advice for
teachers on recognizing ADD and helping students cope with it
and, in a special section, give easy-to-understand explanations
for children and adolescents who have ADD.
ABOUT DR.
HALLOWELL
A
graduate of Harvard College and Tulane School of Medicine, Dr.
Hallowell is a child and adult psychiatrist and the founder of
The Hallowell Center for Cognitive and Emotional Health in Sudbury,
MA. He has also been on the faculty of the Harvard Medical School
since 1983.
Dr. Hallowell
is an expert at offering practical ways to approach some of life's
most difficult challenges. He is the author of the national bestseller,
Driven to Distraction, and Answers to Distraction, both of which
address attention deficit disorder in children and adults.
He has also
written books addressing emotional issues such as worry (Worry
and When You Worry About the Child You Love), raising happy children
(The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness), the importance of connection
in today's world (Connect), and finding meaning in everyday life
and love (Human Moments), among others.
From corporate
audiences to parent-teacher workshops, people who listen to Dr.
Hallowell come away stimulated, inspired, amused and always better
informed. He is a charismatic speaker, combining the knowledge
of a Harvard instructor with the warm, easy manner of an experienced
public speaker.
Dr. Hallowell
lives in the Boston area with his wife, Sue, a social worker,
and their three children.
Visit Dr.
Hallowell at http://www.drhallowell.com
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Learn
the art of forgiveness... In
Dare
To Forgive, Dr. Hallowell addresses one of the most thorny
issues of everyday life - how do we, and why should we, forgive?
From the small disagreements we have regularly, to the tragedies
of divorce, estrangement, even murder, Dr. Hallowell writes with
optimism, warmth and compassion about the whys and how-tos of
forgiveness. "To understand forgiveness," writes Hallowell,
"you must first understand what forgiveness is not. Read
more....
Dr. Hallowell is an expert at offering practical ways to approach
some of life's most difficult challenges. He is the author of
the national bestseller, Driven
To Distraction, and Answers
to Distraction, both of which address attention deficit
disorder in children and adults. See his many other book titles
in the column on the left.
Dr.
Hallowell comes to StorkNet with answers to many of the questions
we may have as parents and adults. Topics include the art of forgiveness,
finding the power and meaning in the day to day moments of life,
how to become more connected, coping with worry, and understanding
and guiding our children through the struggles of AD/HD.
StorkNet:
Dr. Hallowell, welcome to StorkNet! Thank you from all of us for
visiting our site and talking about forgiveness, the topic of
your new book. Hope you won't mind if some of our readers toss
in a few questions about some of the other topics you are known
for. This is our chance to gather up some of your helpful knowledge
and inspiration on a number of very important topics. We're anxious
to hear more about Dare to Forgive! Let's begin...
Dr.
Hallowell:
I'm really happy to join you on this wonderfully informative and
friendly website. Being here brings back many memories . . . my
kids are now 14, 11, and 8, but it seems just yesterday that my
wife, Sue, was pregnant with Tucker, our third child. Being 54,
I am an older dad, so it is great to be with all the youth represented
on this site!
Keem:
Are there certain incidents that you consider unforgivable? That
you consider it best to just move on with life? And can you forgive
someone of something but choose to no longer include them in your
life?
Dr.
Hallowell: Before I answer that, I should define what I mean
by the word, forgive. When I use that word I use it to
mean renouncing the hold that anger and resentment have over you.
I do not mean that you let the other person off the hook, or that
you condone what the other person did, or that you allow the other
person to go free, or that you even ever have contact with the
other person again. I simply mean that you set yourself free of
the hold that anger and resentment have over you. In this sense,
forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself, and to the people
who love you. It makes you healthier and more productive, as well
as happier.
Keeping
that definition in mind, I would say that there is no unforgivable
act. And yes, to be sure, you can forgive a person but choose
to have nothing to do with that person ever again.
Liz:
How is the process different or what recommendations would you
make if the "person" you need to forgive is God?
Dr.
Hallowell: Hi, Liz. Most of us who believe in God, and as
an Episcopalian I count myself as a believer, get angry with God
now and then. Forgiving God, i.e., getting past you anger at God,
is a unique undertaking, for obvious reasons. Since we all relate
to God in different and personal ways, I wouldn't want to prescribe
any one method. However, it is fair to say that you should keep
the dialog with God open. However you do that is up to you. Just
try not to shut God out of your life altogether.
Arianna:
My father passed away five years ago. We had a very rocky relationship
due to his temper and inability to form a father/daughter relationship.
I'd like to forgive him, but I don't know how. How would I go
about it, and is it too late? I'm having so much trouble getting
there, but I know that not forgiving him is holding me back in
many ways. Thank you, Dr. Hallowell.
Dr.
Hallowell: That
is a beautiful question, Arianna. I call it beautiful, because
your desire to forgive him bespeaks a beauty within you. A proper
answer to your question would be lengthy, which is why I wrote
a book. I hope you will read my book, Dare to Forgive. In it you
will find stories and suggestions that speak directly to your
dilemma.
The
short answer is that it is not too late. It is NEVER to late to
forgive, to get past anger and resentment. And you are quite perceptive
when you say that your anger is probably holding you back in life.
You have taken the first steps on the road to forgiveness already.
You have acknowledged your pain and anger, you have expressed
a desire to get past that, and you have reached out for help.
You are well on your way.
Calvin:
Dr. Hallowell, I picked up your book this week and am about 150
pages into it. I have found it very helpful so far. Do you give
workshops on forgiveness?
Dr.
Hallowell: Calvin,
I want to give workshops on forgiveness but I have not yet scheduled
any. If I could get a sense from visitors to this web site that
there is be sufficient interest, I will set them up. Please contact
this site if you are interested, so I can get sense of the potential
numbers.
Babydust:
Hello. Are there different kinds of forgiveness? Do I have to
be friendly with the person I forgive, and does he have to know
I've forgiven him?
Dr.
Hallowell: In
my book I describe 9 types of forgiveness. You certainly do not
have to be friendly with the person you forgive. And no, he does
not have to know that you forgive him. Sometimes it is best not
to have any contact with a person who has deeply hurt you. You
just go through the process of forgiving him on your own, then
move on.
Brenda:
My question pertains to my job. I have been in my current position
for two years. I have grown to really love my position and my
job duties. It is not where I originally headed in my career but
I feel as though I've found something that really fits my gifts.
Unfortunately my boss makes my work situation very difficult.
She is not only abrasive and rude to people, but unethical in
some of her business practices. She is the only thing I don't
enjoy about my job and has caused lots of distress in the last
several months. I've tried to consider myself the "bigger"
person by trying to forgive and forget. I've tried to be the peacekeeper
around the office with the hope that I could continue to rise
above it all. Unfortunately, I'm growing rather weary with this
process. I've tried discussing the situation with her and confronting
her with some of her behavior, but it doesn't seem to help. The
bottom line is that she's not going to change and she's not going
anywhere. Am I giving up too quickly? Should I remove myself from
the situation by trying to find another job? Or is there something
I can try to change about my own attitude to make things more
bearable? I guess what I'm trying to ask is if there is a line
when we should be done trying to forgive and forget? Thank you
for your time.
Dr.
Hallowell: Brenda,
I don't think your question is about forgiveness as much as it
is about job selection. You are asking, How much bad can I put
up with in a good job? It is almost as if you had a dream job,
but a skunk lived under your desk and sprayed once a day, and
you couldn't get rid of the skunk. Would the stink make you leave
your dream job? Tough question. It isn't about forgiveness as
much as a cost/benefit analysis. Personally, I would try VERY
hard to neutralize the skunk somehow before I left the dream job.
I'd call pest control; I'd get odor eaters; I'd try and move my
desk. I'd try everything I could think of first.
Roberta:
Dr. Hallowell, thank-you for coming to StorkNet to answer
our questions!
I
have just started to wonder if I might have ADD. I reviewed the
Suggested Diagnostic Criteria for AD/HD in Adults. I answered
15 of the items as a defiant yes and one maybe. During the last
eight years I have been in and out of treatment with a psychiatrist.
The first three years were weekly intensive talk therapy combined
with appropriate drugs. Since then it has been on an "as
needed" basis.
I was an abused
child. My mother was my primary abuser. When my psychiatrist met
my mother, he said he believed she was bi-polar. However he wanted
her to have additional evaluations to verify this. She refused.
My doctor
diagnosed me as clinically depressed with Generalized Anxiety
Disorder. He also said that I was highly disassociative. For the
most part, the three years of therapy helped me control my disassociativeness
and my depression. However, I still have a great deal of trouble
with concentration, procrastination, finishing tasks, etc. And
I still have severe issues with anxiety and self-confidence /
self-esteem.
I have tried
many, many medications (several SSRIs, Buspar, Klonapin, Ativan,
Wellbutrin, low dose Rispadil. the list goes on) and none of these
medications have fully addressed my anxiety and my concentration
issues.
My question(s):
1) The diagnostic Criteria for ADD seem similar to GAD and depression.
What are the primary factors to help someone distinguish between
the disorders? 2) Also, given my background, would it be possible
to have both ADD and GAD? 3) With my background, I have had difficulty
with doctors looking at alternatives to GAD, Post Traumatic Shock
Syndrome, and depression. If you agree that I should pursue this
diagnosis, how do you recommend I approach the doctor? Thank you.
Dr.
Hallowell:
Roberta, there is a great deal of overlap between the diagnoses
you mention. Without knowing you, I can't tell you what is going
on. However, it is good to get a second opinion. And it is good
to see a doctor you really trust, a doctor who has a lot of experience
in diagnosing all the conditions you mention. If you do have ADD,
a trial of a stimulant medication, such as Adderal might help,
or a trial of the new medication, Strattera, might help. In addition,
physical exercise is a superb treatment for ADD and GAD. By all
means, try that for sure.
Tanya:
How can you help a young child control his impulses to be violent?
My son is 4 and I believe he has ADHD he exhibits all of the signs
I have read about. At his next Dr's appointment we will be asking
to have him evaluated for it but until than I am having a very
hard time getting him to control his violence. A lot of the time
when he hits someone he does it for no reason. He realizes its
wrong and usually goes and puts himself in a time-out for it but
he still continues to do it. He will be attending school this
fall and I would like it if I were able to help him control his
impulses.
Dr.
Hallowell: Hi,
Tanya. You need to get a really solid evaluation done on your
son. Violent behavior has many different causes. I can offer some
basic suggestions, but you really should consult with a child
psychiatrist to get a correct diagnosis.
My
suggestions would include:
- Make sure
he gets LOTS of physical exercise every day;
- Make sure
he gets enough sleep;
- Limit the
amount of television he watches to no more than 30 minutes a
day;
- Watch his
diet and try to eliminate refined sugar, additives, junk food,
and cola;
- Read aloud
to him at least once a day;
- Play games
with him in which he has to put feelings into words;
- Spend at
least 30 minutes a day of "special time" with him
in which you do whatever he wants to do, as long as it is safe
and it is legal.
Ben'sMom:
Dr. Hallowell, does your book help us learn how to teach our children
to forgive? Thank you.
Dr. Hallowell:
Yes, my the suggestions in my book apply to children as well
as to adults. I think it important to teach children HOW to forgive,
not just tell them to do it.
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