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Amanda's Pregnancy Journal

Week 17
~ Acceptance

This week I have come to terms with some things. I have made a pact with myself that I will stop stressing over finances and be happier. I know that my husband won't let us go under. I know that he will find a job before this baby is born so that we will not lose our apartment while I am out of work; he may be a procrastinator, but he would never let us get to the point where we are evicted. Even if we end up losing our apartment, it's not like we will be living on the streets; we always have a place to go. Our families wouldn't let that happen to us. So, I am going to stop worrying and enjoy my last months with Gabe as an only child and be happier!

As far as good news - Hank's brother is coming down from Pennsylvania. Hank was born in New Jersey and raised in the suburbs of Philadelphia. He moved to Florida with his parents in 2003, but his brother stayed in Pennsylvania to be with his fiancé (she is his wife now, they were married in 2004 and so were we). I was born and raised in Florida. Actually, Gabe and this baby will be born in the same hospital I was born in. I wasn't raised in this area; I just moved back after high school to live with my grandma and that was when I met Hank. To say the least, Hank and I had very different upbringings. So Hank's brother is coming down on Wednesday. His parents are paying for his flight to come down for a week. Hank's mother was diagnosed with intermediate breast cancer two months ago which was very devastating to all of us. I am very close to my mother in-law (I know- unusual!). It is also shocking because Hank's grandmother- his mother's mom- is also currently being treated for cancer for the second time. Hank's mom is having the first of 3 surgeries on July 16. Just because you never know what might happen, she wanted to see him before these surgeries. I am going to have a busy week coming up! My mother in-law already has everything planned!

I am so excited about the ultrasound on Friday, I can hardly express it! Looking back, I am surprised I could even think about not finding out the gender of this baby before it's born, now - I can hardly think of anything else! When I ask Gabe what he wants, he is now saying "bruder," as well as sister. So I don't think he really even knows himself, I think he will be just as happy with either. I can't wait to see his reaction to the ultrasound!

I am still scared about finding out if there is anything wrong. I can't see myself ever terminating a pregnancy if something was very very wrong, but you can never say that unless you are in the circumstance. You can never say what you will do in a situation you have never experienced. Still, I am apprehensive about finding out if anything is wrong.

I am starting to get more aches and pains now. I get this ache in my right leg, about two inches below my knee. It started when I was pregnant with Gabe. I have gotten it every once in a while after he was born, but now it is more often. It can be quite uncomfortable. I also have very tight muscles in my shoulders and neck and they cause tension headaches. I am getting them every day now whereas before I only got them maybe two times a month. I think it is because of the increased blood flow. I am trying to take as little medication as I can, but it can be very painful and the headaches also make me nauseous. Staring at a computer all day during this and then coming home to a three year old doesn't help. I am still queasy occasionally (leftover morning sickness I assume). This week, I was starting to get heartburn; one night it even woke me up which wasn't fun. Plus, I was too tired to get some Pepcid for it.

This week I think I have officially outgrown my normal clothes. I am surprised it has taken me this long. Especially when you hear everywhere that you show earlier the second time around. I think I may get one more week out of my work pants. I have two pairs of maternity work pants, but they are still kind of big on me. I can still wear most of my shirts. I am not rushing this at all though . . . just from looking back on how large and miserable I was the first time! I couldn't wait with Gabe to start showing- then once I started getting really big, I was miserable. I was not anxious at all this time to start showing! I also don't want to rush things because I really really want to enjoy all my time left with Gabe as an only child. I want to make as many fond memories as I can. Don't get me wrong, I am very excited for this baby to come especially since it was totally planned, but it will never just be me and Gabe again, and he is totally my little precious boy and I want to enjoy these last months with it just being us (Mommy and her Mommy's Boy!).

I have also heard that you feel the baby earlier with subsequent pregnancies, but I haven't found that to be the case with me either. I started feeling slight movement last week, this week I have barely felt anything. I felt pressure really low today for a few seconds, I guess the baby was turning or pressing down for a moment. I'm not sure, but I haven't felt anything else. Maybe there is also the fact that I am busier this pregnancy- I have a job and a child already. Maybe I am just preoccupied most of the time. I do enjoy the baby kicking and moving, that is one part of pregnancy I don't mind.

This weekend we spent quality time together; I try to do that as much as possible. On Saturday night, I recorded Gabe with the video camera and we watched tapes of him when he was a little baby not more than 6 months. I plugged the camera in the TV so he could watch himself being recorded. He absolutely loved it! We went to the park on Sunday. We stopped to get hot dogs and Slurpees before to eat at the picnic table. There weren't as many kids there as I would have liked; Gabe doesn't get to play with kids that often. There were two other families there with three kids all together. He played with one boy who appeared to be the same age, but after a few minutes, he only wanted to play with me; which is one of the reasons I really want to get him in preschool. I really think he needs more interaction with other kids. Hank and I don't have that many friends (we are both really introverted- I wonder where Gabe gets it from?), so there aren't really any other kids for him to play with besides my sister's kids who live over an hour away and my husband's cousins who live near, but we don't see them all the time. We didn't stay at the park for more than an hour (you'd think that being born and raised in Florida- I would be used to the heat and humidity…) and then we went to my mother in-law's to swim and do laundry. I played trains with him and we watched a Thomas video- he has been fascinated with Thomas since he was a year old. And he loves to play with the laundry basket, so we did that as well.

I think this entry is long enough, and I am ready to relax in bed! Talk to you all next week!

~ Amanda

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