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Amanda's Pregnancy Journal

Week 24
~ Nothing Much Different

Nothing too exciting happened this week. It was a pretty boring. This was much needed on my part. I have been more and more tired over the last few weeks. I was pretty excited about the Olympics starting since I have watched them since I was a little girl; it's just a personal tradition, no one else in my family watches them. Gabe and I watched the opening ceremony on Friday. He was very excited about all the things they did. He wasn't interested for too long though like any three year old.

I almost finished Lilly's quilt this weekend. I got to binding the very last edge when my sewing machine decided not to cooperate and I eventually gave up because I was getting too frustrated. I was hoping to include a picture of it finished with this entry. I really want to finish it so I can relax for a couple weeks (when I have a project, I just keep at it until it's done because I hate to leave things unfinished for too long). Gabe was dying to help me with the quilt, so I let him do a couple small things for me like cutting some adhesive and he watched me sew.

After I gave up on the quilt for the day, I took Gabe to the park. I haven't been working on the quilt when Gabe is awake, but I was so close to being done! We were at the park for a good two hours, and it wasn't too bad for a Florida summer day. There was even a little breeze. He played with other kids which surprised me because usually he ignores other kids besides family members. There was one father who was kind of bugging me because our kids were playing together so we were following them around but he kept talking to me, and I wasn't in the mood to talk. I was in a bad mood from working on the uncooperative quilt. I just wanted to watch Gabe play. We went to Target after, and when we came home, he went upstairs and put himself to bed!

Needless to say, it was nice to have one day to myself and Gabe.

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This week has been reminding me a lot about what my grandma always used to say "don't sweat the small things." She was in AA and sober for over twenty years when she passed away in 2003, and it may seem weird to some people, but going to AA meetings with my grandma was as normal as going to the grocery store to us (my sister and I). She always took us with her. And that was one of their mottos which easier said than done. I have been trying so hard to stop worrying about everything lately, but it is taking a toll on me. I have been a worry-wart since I was little (so say my parents), and my stress level is through the roof; I am moody and frustrated all the time. I am trying to make a conscious effort to not be like this, but it is hard for me. I want to lose myself in a moment with Gabe or my family without being worried. Whenever I try to talk about it to Hank, he just gets super defensive because he thinks I'm attacking him personally. He is just upset himself about what he is not doing, I'm sure. I am tired of giving him classifieds and emailing him job leads everyday with nothing happening on his end. November will be here quicker than we are ready; I hope he can get his act together and do what he needs to do so we can pay our bills and hopefully give Gabe a birthday and Christmas.

I have really been missing my grandma lately, and now I am even crying while writing this. I was always really close to her. It really hurts me that she will never see my children. I wasn't ready for her to leave. I was even living with her when it happened and I was devastated. She was always there to rub my back and tell me everything was ok, and I always felt loved and safe when I was with her. She understood me and she really knew how to calm me down and make me feel better about whatever I was upset or worried about. It was strange for her and I to be so close and her to treat me the way she did because she was not much of a nurturing person. I just wish she was still here.

That is pretty much all for this week, talk to you all next week.

~ Amanda

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