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Amy's Trying to Conceive Journal

Entry 1 - December 14, 2008
~ A Slight Stall

It's just not the holidays without a bit craziness! Things have been busy with some periods of pure slowness. Work is nonstop and we're short four people. I work on a military base, and we have to stay open 24 hours so that means lots of overtime. But all that overtime made for nice paydays and my Christmas shopping was completed in record time.

For the fertility side of things we've come to a slight stall. A few days before Thanksgiving I called to let the staff know I had started my period so I could get an appointment to get my ultrasound and blood work done. They told me it was too close to Thanksgiving, and we'd have to do it next month. This was OK; I had sort of figured that might happen. They called me back at noon and said the Doctor decided I could go ahead if I could get there by 2:30. Um . . . I live 2 1/2 hours away in another state, will need to shave my legs and stop for gas. Heck yeah I can be there by 2:30!

So I drove over, breaking several traffic laws in three states I'm sure but I got there at 2:35. We finally got down to the ugly business of the ultrasound and it seemed like he was taking his sweet time. Finally it's over and he asked if I have a history of ovarian cysts. Never had one in my life . . . until now! And boy is it a whopper! It's 5cm--not bad for a first effort. So that meant November was a bust for us.

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For December, that's a little up in the air. I'm pretty sure I won't be starting until a few days before Christmas so I doubt they will see me for fertility related things but they may want to see the cyst. However I really don't want to drive all that way just for a cyst viewing. I'm going to see if they will just send me to an off base doctor and have it looked at here before I start again in January. The doctor who found it said it COULD go away on it's own but with it being overachiever big, it's not so likely and my PCM here agreed. Just great. This was so not what I wanted for Christmas! So now we wait. Again. I'm not really good at that; I have no patience.

I'm trying instead to focus on the holidays and all the busy work of cooking, cleaning and shopping. I finally became an Aunt this year and we'll get to meet our nephew at Christmas and my cousin's new baby the day after Christmas. I'm so excited; I love babies and I've already spoiled these two as much as my husband will let me. If I play my cards right sometime after New Year's I'll get to help when my other cousin has her baby since her husband is working in another state and may not be able to get home in time. Even if he gets home, I still get to be in the room and help her when she goes home.

I'm so glad to hear from everyone who emailed me. It's nice to feel less alone. We had no idea when we first started on our path how many other couples were making the same choices we were. Using a donor is just not talked about and at worse is made to sound dirty and secretive. We have made the choice to be pretty open, most all of our family know and some friends. I wasn't sure if I was going to tell my Grandpa; he is a little old fashioned sometimes and I didn't think he'd be against it but maybe just not understand it. I started out by telling him our problem and I'm trying to find the words and he interrupts me and says well have you thought about using a sperm donor? I was a little shocked that he was so ok with it off the top but I shouldn't have been. Everyone in both our families have been great and very supportive. My husband's mom has taken it pretty hard but that's understandable; he is still her baby and she is upset for his situation.

Mostly people want to know how we even got to the idea of using a donor. It wasn't our first choice. We weren't even aware it was an option. On the way home from the doctor's office, we pretty much knew we would never have a biological child. We had always discussed adoption and had planned to adopt anyway after hopefully having a biological child. So I asked him if he wanted me to send off for the info packet for the adoption agency here in town and he agreed so I started looking at their website and a few others when we got home. In one section the website had an article on different ways of family building and one of them was donor insemination. I was astounded! It had never even occurred to me that you could do that or that it was even available to us. It took me a few days to digest the information and roll it around in my brain before bringing it up to my husband. I showed him the article and some other information I had gathered online and left it up to him to digest it all at his own pace. He took a few days to think it over and was even more excited than I was. And that pretty much brings us up to date. I should know in a few days what the status of this cyst is or if it's going to be just another enormous hurdle for us to get across.

   ~Amy

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