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Amy's Trying to Conceive Journal

Entry 3 - February 24, 2009
~ Another Six Month Wait, at Least

I am really sorry for the lack of updates. First there was nothing going on and then there was too much all at once. We made it through the holidays just fine. We got to met our nephew at Christmas and he is just adorable. He was so sweet and I'm pretty sure he's a genius. He may not talk yet but it's because he's doing complicated math in his head I can just sense. My cousin had her baby and I didn't make it to her in time; it all happened pretty quick and he was almost born in the parking he was in such a rush to get here!

After the New Year I had my annual appointment with my kidney doctor. I have IgA Neuropathy which causes massive amounts of protein to be spilled in my urine and causes a whole array of problems like high blood pressure, high cholesterol, gout and so on. It's something Iíve been dealing with since I was diagnosed at 13. My fertility clinic is aware of it and was only seeing me with permission from my nephrologist. The last few years I've had no problems, and my lab work has been stable. Until this year that is! My labs showed that my kidney function was five times as bad as it was last year. They weren't really sure what it meant without doing another kidney biopsy. Yay! Those do not feel like good friends. You are awake the whole time and aware that they are sticking a big long needle into your back stealing pieces of your kidney. They numbed me up really nice but I knew what they were doing back there. In a funny side note the doctor they sent me to for the biopsy, my Dad handles all their computer networks. He made sure to tell the guy before I went in who I was and to make sure I wasn't in any discomfort. It was kind of sweet.

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So I had that done a few weeks ago and basically have been on pins and needles waiting to get the results back. I went in this morning and got the good bad news. The disease hasn't progressed in the five years since I had my last biopsy but they don't know why the function is down. Tomorrow I'll start taking heavy doses of Prednisone and Cozaar. This should help the inflammation in the kidney and hopefully get things back to normal. Or normal for me at least. He thinks I should only have to do this for 6 months. If and when my kidney function regulates I can resume fertility treatments. Until then I am completely barred from becoming pregnant. On these medications it would be A Very Bad Thing. On the upside he seems to think that all the stress from the last few months is what caused this flare up. It's an auto-immune disease so it can be affected by stress and boy howdy have I been stressed!

One good thing that came out of this is they cancelled our orders to New Mexico. We were excited to move but we're just as happy staying where we are for a bit longer. I talked with my kidney doctor a lot about it today and how since we found out we weren't going I have just been the very definition of calm and relaxed. He thinks all the anxiety played a huge part and that without it in a few months we can resume our plans.

But he also said not to get our hopes up. And honestly they aren't. We're not really sure what we will do if I can't even try to get pregnant. There are so many options and ways to go and we are open to all of them. I think right now we are just going to wait out these six months and then go from there. I might decide tomorrow I can't wait and call up the adoption agency here in town. We had foster children before and we might decide that's where we will find our kids. Some days have been better than others in dealing with this new setback but I'm getting it together slowly. I really wish I had better news to share and I'm sorry this is the end for now. I feel like such a quitter even though it was beyond my control. I feel even worse that I never even got off the bench. We had no idea we were infertile and then when we found out, I never even got a chance to start real treatments. There are so many things that could have been and now might never be. It's hard to be positive when there isn't much to be thrilled about. I do have a ton of Clomid I never got to use. I wonder what the street value is and if it would be enough to finance my upcoming trip to Disney World. Iím joking! Kind of . . .

So maybe Iíll be back in 6 months or so; Iíd really like that. In the mean time I wish everyone Love, Luck and Baby Dust.

   ~Amy

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