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Angela's Pregnancy Journal

Week 35
~ A Week of Mixed Emotions

Some days I feel like I'm such a terrible mum. I'm getting so tired especially in the afternoons and I feel the kids miss out at times because mummy isn't playing with them. It's really hard at times. My kids don't have daytime sleeps anymore, so I have to deal with them all day every day and being tired and pregnant at the same time. They are fighting a lot more than usual which is driving me bonkers and we've had three days of rain which has meant being inside. Sibling rivalry has hit big time and I'm really nervous about the baby coming and being so busy with baby that the kids really play up. I know I'm doing the best I can with the situation, but I still can't help but blame myself and worry.

A friend of mine landed up losing her baby this week at 33 weeks gestation. She went to the hospital after not having felt baby move in a while and tests confirmed that the baby had died. It was somewhat of a shock to me. You think you're safe once you get over the first trimester, but it does happen. I really feel for her and I've been so paranoid over my own baby. If I haven't felt baby move in a wee while I give her a prod to get her moving. I'm now a little more grateful for the hiccups that keep me awake at night and the jabbing in the ribs, pressure on my pelvis, and the way my baby uses my bladder as a dance floor. I just don't know how I could handle losing a baby, and my friend's situation has really hit home for me. So, it's been a bit of a down week.

Midwife appointment this week was short and sweet with no worries or issues. Baby is head down but lying on my right side instead of the left but there is still plenty of time for baby to move and her head isn't engaged yet. So, I'm going to have to try and do lots of forward leaning to ensure she is in the right position when the time comes.

On a lighter note, we had great fun letting our family know the baby's name. Evelyn let the cat out of the bag to her Nana that the baby was a girl and also her name, so we thought we may as well tell people. So, at Evelyn's birthday party, we decided to play hangman. At my turn, I revealed that the clue was baby's name. So, now everyone knows her name and we had a positive response from all the family who seem to like it which is great. Our little girl will be named Lilliah Capri. It's quite exciting that we can now talk about Lilliah and call her by name rather than just calling her baby. It's all beginning to feel rather real now that we can have that personal touch. Roll on the next few weeks until I can carry Lilliah in my arms rather than in my tummy.


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