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Amanda's Pregnancy Journal

Week 19
~ Winter Blues

So today I walked around town with my pants slowly sliding down my bum with which I proceeded to "yank" after "yank" after "yank" ( I was testing out a new set of maternity pants). My husband suggested a Berliner (fancy word for a European donut) to aid with the issue at hand. I quickly agreed to the offer, unluckily; it didn't work as quickly as I would've liked it to (I'm sure it will catch up pretty soon, though). That's right, I'm definitely in that awkward, "in-between" stage with my wardrobe, where my regular clothes are snug diddly ugg and the maternity clothes are mighty frumpy. Ugg . . .what's a girl to do?

This week, I think I've slipped somewhat off my "it's a boy" cloud 9 and somehow slipped under the never-ending Zurich clouds into "winter blues" mode. I'm sure many others start to feel this way. It's after the bustling holiday season, the daylight is simply too short, the skin longs for an ounce or two of warmth and/or sunshine (I'll gladly take the sunshine only part at this point), and there seems to be no end in sight (and no destination to Maui designed). Moreover, I am really starting to feel the ache of not working. I find it actually really hard to not be using my professional degree. People will say the "grass is always greener" but I really feel that the key to success and happiness is a healthy balance of work and play. My type-A personality simply doesn't mix with the thought of not having a fixed, busy schedule to get me rolling through the day. I've tried getting a short term job at home in the U.S. before the baby arrives but my chances are looking pretty grim. I am licensed in the state of Colorado and apparently it is hard to get a job there in the midst of ski season. I guess Colorado's popularity is running the show. I think the vividness of pregnancy dreams are also kicking in such as . . . I am a soccer goalie and am constantly fumbling the ball and am not able to kick it (like I swing and completely miss it, several times over), I am a secretary in an office and am unable to file a single folder--all day . . . etc., etc. I believe these dreams are more a product of not being able to work over the inability to care for the baby. I am actually really excited about changing stinky diapers, and baby spit, and all the silly little faces he's going to make and I'm going to make right back at him.

I am completely happy with my life and wouldn't have it any other way. I am blessed with an amazing husband, a wonderful, caring family, crazy friends, and a beautiful little person growing in my tummy. However, this doesn't dismiss the fact that it is hard to live so far away from family, friends, familiar language, career opportunities, etc. I am trying to take each day in stride and remind myself that someday (could be sooner than I think) I will be working long hours and just wishing for one of these days of my life back. I also have to remind myself that sooner than I can think, I will have a new baby in my life and the concept of having extra time on my hands will definitely be a bygone. Next year will present itself with new challenges, I guess. Such is life . . .

As far as baby news goes . . . nothing much has changed in the past week. Still am anxiously a waiting the miraculous, first "kick"! Overall, I am feeling very healthy and full of energy; I am continuing to exercise about 5x/week. From time to time I look back through the snapshots of my little one and smile. I also carry them around in my purse so I can show "him" off! My husband and I have pretty much agreed on a name that makes us both very happy, from time to time we refer to him by his "possible/most likely" future name. The tummy is rounding albeit slowly. Also, I bought my first outfit for him. It looks like it will only fit for the first week of his life but it is adorable and fuzzy and super-cute (plus my husband approved the 70% after Christmas mark-down which is always good). I really have to hold off on buying him anything else yet because everything in Switzerland is un-godly expensive compared to the U.S. and we will be delivering at home in Colorado so I have to wait to get home (which is now officially set for the end of February) to start the baby shopping escapades.

I am writing this entry early this week because I am off to visit my friend in Innsbruck, Austria tomorrow. From there, the two of us are jetting off to London for the weekend! This was a spur of the moment travel arrangement which we literally planned a couple of days ago but when did randomly planned adventures ever go wrong?! I am very excited!! I am combating my winter blues with full force (although the London forecast of non-stop rain doesn't help) although I'm not letting it get me down, my umbrella is dutifully packed. I plan to have some grand English stories come next entry, so stay tuned.

~ Amanda

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