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Amanda's Pregnancy Journal

Week 38
~ Anticipation

I cannot believe it's almost June and we're merely days away from the big DD. The anticipation is growing and the mixed emotions are stirring: disbelief, amazement, anxiety, content. I guess this week has really forced me to reflect over the entire pregnant experience and my current position in life. In our last childbirth class we had to write a note to our partner talking about what we a.) needed and b.) appreciated about them. I told my husband that I would need him to listen, respect my emotions (whatever rollercoaster they may ride), and share responsibilities. I also told him how incredibly grateful I was to have him in my life and that I look forward to the new memories we will create as a growing family. Upon reflection I consider myself incredibly lucky to lead the life I do. I truly could not imagine my life any other way.

Along with these emotions of content and bliss there is also some anxiety that has surfaced. I would imagine these are all very normal emotions for a person in my shoes. Will I be able to cope with the immense life changes and all the responsibilities that ensue? Will I be able to keep a level head when I have had zero sleep and the baby continues to cry? Will I be able to properly care for a sick baby? Will I be able to continue a loving, caring, romantic relationship with my husband? How will our relationship change? I feel as though everything will come together over time but things may be difficult at first just as any new task that is daunting at first eventually becomes second nature. I anticipate that motherhood will bring out the highest highs and the lowest lows. I've heard many times and from many sources that it is the toughest job in the world. I anticipate rallying up my working gloves.

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Then of course I begin to wonder about my baby. What will he look like? Whose nose will he have? What type of personality will blossom? Will he be healthy and of good size? Before this point he was kind of like a robotic baby living in my stomach. Kind of like a cookie cutter baby with no real looks, emotions. He was just kind of there acting as a perfect metal mold. Now I begin to ponder . . .

Underlying all of these mixed emotions is pure excitement. This week really upped the reality factor. The nurses were making comments, "it's almost June…". The doctor comments, "call me this week if anything happens". Mother calls, "you know we'll be flying down there very soon." The anticipation is mounting and I am feeling it everywhere. Last night we toured the birthing unit with our childbirth class. It was like playing soccer and walking into the stadium a few nights before the big championship game. It really gets your blood pumping. Seeing the nurses wandering, babies wailing, and the nursery bustling served as a big reality check. It's nearly go time. Of course he could be late but this still means less than a month which is still really close. The funniest part about the tour was that my husband and I both commented in the car on the ride home about how much nicer the birthing rooms were than our own house at this point under all of the construction! I'm almost looking forward to it like a vacation at this point (realize might not feel this happy-go-lucky about it when I am dilated 10 cm). It was so much fancier there than living out of the basement at home!

This week at my doctor's appointment I discussed my current feelings on labor. I told her that I just didn't feel that I was going into labor anytime soon. I feel normal and no different than week 10, 20, or 30. She said it was completely normal not to experience any type of pre-labor symptoms before the big day. She said it was completely variable across different women at my stage of pregnancy. She said to "embrace" your feelings of normalcy while you still have them. So I guess that's what I shall do.

I also asked her if she had an idea regarding the size of my baby. From external palpation (and boy did she get in there deep to push) she guesses he's around 6.5 pounds. She thinks in another couple of weeks he will be about a pound heavier. Sounds like good sizing to me so I am hoping her estimates are close!

I've had an incredible amount of energy over the last week. I have read in some books women often get a burst of energy near the end, really "feathering the nest", if you will. This is coincidental in a way as I've just noticed a mama bird has created her own little nest on the outside light above our garage. I don't know if it's the summer sun and heat or what but I've been running around like wild. I've been going to the gym doing both cardio and light weights, taking the dog on numerous walks, running errands around town. I almost forget sometimes that I am pregnant which seems odd at this point. Maybe it's because he's become such a part of my body like an extra limb or something.

~ Amanda

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