This week was full of reflection for me. I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a mother and all the different emotions it encompasses. It is truly the best feeling in the world to be a mother. Words couldn't ever express the depth of love you have for this one singular person. A love that scares you it is so insanely strong. The second I became a mother I knew I would gladly die in an instant if it meant that my baby could live and prosper in this world. It's almost frightening . . . the love that a mother has for her child. It makes the world you live in an entirely different planet, see everything in a different light.
Becoming a mother is also the toughest work on this planet. I'd argue with anyone that says otherwise. And it's like no one could ever explain to you how tough it truly is until you've walked in the shoes yourself. You literally give up every second of the day for another person. Every move I make revolves around my son. Getting in a shower is like trying to become accepted to Harvard Law school . . . you can dream but doesn't mean it's likely to happen. And the word that so easily comes to mind: sacrifice. So many things you would love, love, love to do get put on the back burner. And you wouldn't trade the work but as a mother you have hopes/dreams/aspirations of your own and you need to. And I believe it is important to be the best mother you can be is to do things for yourself when you can to stay healthy and strong and well . . . sane!
And at the end of the day when it's all said and done (and you think you've just approached your wit's ends), baby smells like Johnson's Lavender and has adorned fuzzy PJ's and is cuddled in your lap and whispers "love" in your direction when you turn off the lights: you know you'd do it all over again in a heartbeat . . . and you do . . . at 5am the next day. Hey! . . . what happened to lunch break . . or coffee break . . . or ha! a date with the husband? Mamas, we're living on a different planet.
I've stressed a lot this week and lost a lot of sleep over things that seem to be out of my control. There are many important weddings coming up and it just seems really difficult to plan for. And then you add on top the sacrifices made being a hockey wife and living thousands of miles from your home and people get married and have babies and have fun parties and you miss so much . . . it's hard. I just feel like sometimes I sacrifice so much and it really pulls at my heartstrings. But I truly feel blessed for the amazing supportive husband I have and the wonderful, adventurous lifestyle that we lead.
And to finally move off my reflective soapbox I have to explain my wonderful life achievement of the week!! Being so stressed, not sleeping, and dealing with a still insanely jet lagged toddler led to . . . my own personal butt indent on my parents' guest bedroom wall!! I kid you not and I will add a picture. I will attempt to explain my ridiculous turn of events. I was up tossing and turning all night, finally fell asleep around 2am, Owen wailing at 4am. I put together his bottle of milk and head into his dark room. I pull him out of the crib, hold him in my arms and confidently sit back into yep! . . . what I thought was the sofa in the room! Umm . . . but the sofa was two feet to my right and we went flying downwards and yes my large preggo heiny actually indented the wall! I wanted to cry but didn't allow myself to. Also thought I had just fallen onto something. Only to find out later in the day when the light was on that I actually left my mark on the wall. I feel bad about my parents having to fix it but I had to just laugh my (you know what) off! Seriously?!? Serious. This has to go down in my book of life's finest achievements. And my butt is actually throbbing writing this entry right now. Just thankful I didn't throw out my back along with it. Geez.
Other exciting news? Not much. We're enjoying our last week in Arizona before we head across the planet back to daddy and doggie. I'm really nervous about the long trip again but I have to just stay strong and confident and know that it's been done before. I've really enjoyed spending time in the warmth and sunshine and also time with family and friends. These are the things you miss most living abroad. It was kind of like our delayed Christmas visit.
Baby continues to squirm around in the belly. I love so much getting that physical feedback that yes there is actually someone growing in there! I've done a lot of baby name research lately and I've pretty much narrowed it down to my three favorites. And I am actually completely and totally head over heels in love with all three! What's a girl to do? I guess hope that my husband likes at least one of them. I definitely think naming the second baby is much harder.
I also started scheming her baby nursery back at home in Colorado. We'll probably get home when I'm around seven months so we won't have much time to put it together. But I've found a white/pink/black damask pattern and theme that I really love. I can't believe the girl who's always hated pink is jumping on the pink bandwagon! Has an alien invaded my body? Well a little baby girl certainly has!
Oh my bit of sad news for the week. I just called my OB office today in Colorado (where I'll deliver) and my OB that delivered Owen and who I absolutely love is leaving the practice next month!! Oh no!!! Drama! I'll probably stay with this office and the hospital I delivered in since I had such a good experience there. I'm just kind of mopey about the whole situation. I hope that I like one of the other docs there.
Okay I'm going to finally shut up my big trap and sign off until next week!