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Amanda's Pregnancy Journal

Week 31
~ Letter to My Daughter

Dear Baby Girl,

Today is officially two months from my due date and I am so incredibly anxious and excited to meet you! In a way I consider you my miracle baby. We lost your little brother or sister to miscarriage just before you were conceived. Although my heart was torn in two and my mind in a state of utter devastation over the loss of your sibling, I find that your presence has given me an undying sense of hope and excitement towards the future. Although in my entire lifetime I will never forget the angel baby we lost. I, in a way, think of it as his or her gift to allow for you to become a part of our family. I can't imagine life without you and we haven't even met yet!

I always hated the color pink. I don't think it was until 21 years of age or so until I was unwillingly coaxed into purchasing a pink shirt by one of my pushy girlfriends. I always told your Dad if we had a little girl I wouldn't buy her any of that silly pink stuff. Needless to say your presence in my belly has already flipped my world upside down. I've convinced your Dad how brilliant baby pink walls will look in your nursery. You have a pink snowsuit, booties, hair bows, sheets, blankets, and the most ridiculously frilly pink and yellow tutu hanging on my mirror staring back at me as I write this letter. I've convinced your overly practical father the absolute necessity of having angel wings, a cozy crocheted cocoon, and a fabulous feathered vintage headband for your very first photo shoot. But it's not even about the color pink or the ridiculous baby wings or the feathers, it's that I couldn't be more excited to have a daughter to have and hold, laugh and cry with, argue with and most importantly love for all time.

The family has already fully embraced you. Daddy likes to tuck us into bed every night and he whispers through the belly that he loves you. He also likes to put his hand on my tummy and feel you wriggle, twist, and kick! Your big brother Owen loves to give you sweet little butterfly kisses on the belly when we say your name. All of your grandparents love seeing the growing belly in pictures and over the computer and they absolutely cannot wait to meet you and learn your name (a surprise for when you arrive!).

I can't wait to discover what different layers of your personality will unfold as the minutes, hours, and years pass by. I hope I'm there the day you discover your tongue in the mirror for the very first time. I'm excited to see you skip through rain puddles and run through the sprinklers on hot summer days. What will be your favorite color? I'm excited to teach you to spin on ice and to take you halibut fishing in the deep ocean waters of Alaska like I did as a little girl. I hope you won't think I'm too much of a nerd when I make you sit down and watch the classic 80's movies I loved as a kid. I can't wait to braid your hair for soccer games and tuck you into bed at night. I hope you'll like my grilled cheese sandwiches. I can't wait to see what mush you'll make of your Daddy's heart. If you so choose I hope I'll be there as you try on beautiful white dresses for your perfect day. You are going to be so beautiful.

My wishes for your future would be that you continuously work hard and that you always remember to follow your heart no matter who tries to deter you or knock you down. I hope that you find a passion in this life and that you have the courage to follow your dreams. I hope you learn to respect and care for others no matter how alike or different they are from you. I hope you always remember to keep a light heart and I hope that each and every one of your days are filled with joy and laughter.

Although mother/daughter relationships often contain the deepest crevasses and the highest peaks, I hope that you always find ours a sanctuary or a safe place. I hope you will feel comfortable confiding in me even at those points in life when you'd rather clam up or hide your feelings or talk to anyone other than your mother. No matter what happens in your life one thing will remain the same: I will always love you.


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