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Amanda's Pregnancy Journal

Week 6
~ A Nervous Wreck

This week we continued our travels to Slovakia to visit my husband's side of the family. My in-laws are an incredibly sweet group of people. I feel very fortunate to be loved by many wonderful people. The difficult part is, however, we don't speak the same language. Over the years I've picked up some of the language so I can get by with basics but I still have a long way to go. Sometimes I wish it weren't so difficult to communicate with family but then I think of it as part of a delicate fabric that is the quilt of my life. If anything it is an enriching life experience to become part of a family whose culture is quite different from my own.

The weather this week was incredibly dreary. If anything the weather begged for long mid-day naps which I gloriously partook in. So after my mother-in-law's hearty warm lunches and Owen baby watch (such a rare occurrence) I would literally "crash" into bed! I slept like a hibernating grizzly bear. But being away from home and off schedule definitely kept me on edge. I feel so completely nervous about another pregnancy so soon after miscarriage. I just couldn't imagine going through the physical and emotional pain all over again. And I absolutely hate this part of pregnancy (the early stages). You just feel so tired/strange/hormonal and you aren't really telling anyone why you're acting so bizarre. I just wish I could fast forward through the first trimester. I have made many prayers for this baby, I just hope he/she will stay with me.

On top of feeling overly sensitive and anxious we were just told of my brother's engagement (which came as a complete surprise!). He met his fiance this summer at a guiding job in Alaska (I believe she was also guiding there). I am over the moon happy for them but oh the irony. They are planning the wedding for the same time baby is due . . . EEK! And I really, really didn't want to tell anyone about this pregnancy so early but I really feel I should let them know so if they are at all flexible perhaps we could try to make the wedding too. This was stressing me out too. I wrote my future sister-in-law through email to tell her (have never met her in person). She was really understanding and is going to see about planning the wedding a little bit earlier. Oh my brilliant nerves!


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