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Becky's Twins Journal

Becky Fricke's twin daughters were born at 34 weeks on January 1999 after a difficult pregnancy. This is her journal of her pregnancy and the 26 days the babies spent in neonatal intensive care.

August 5, 1998

We went to the OBGYN clinic and had the midwife there do my first exam. We didn't like her much; she was in such a hurry and she didn't make me feel like she cared. We had prayed about it though and so we felt that this was who God chose and then on August 18th, McK. called and said that they now had a midwife! We knew it was the answers to our prayers.

September 4, 1998

Today we got to hear the baby's heartbeat, and it just amazed me. It finally felt real. I always worry so much and I just wish I wouldn't and hearing the heartbeat felt really great. Our midwife was amazing and understanding and took the time to make me feel important. They tested me for gestational diabetes and it turned out negative and so we were very happy about that. In a few more weeks, I need to get tested again.

Our midwife called and asked us if we would want our pictures taken for a promotional thing for McK Hospital. Also, they want to know if they can interview us. It should be interesting!!

September 23, 1998

Today we went to our midwife's office to get interviewed by the newscaster from KSFY Channel 13, about our using midwives. Keith and KMV came along too. The news segment was about 2 1/2 minutes long, and it's mainly me talking about how much I prefer to use a midwife. It was on the 10 o'clock news that night and it just blew our minds that I was actually on. It was really neat. I did surprisingly well.

September 24, 1998

We got our new shitzu puppy, Biggie.

October 2, 1998

Day we found out about the twinsWe had our first ultrasound today and it was mind-blowing! They lubed up my tummy and started scanning and on the tv we could see two circles-which are heads-WE'RE HAVING TWINS!! I started to cry, but not because I was unhappy, just really, really, surprised. Dr. N and our CNM will now have to take turns 'counseling' me, since twins are considered 'high-risk'. The doctor wasn't able to see a membrane between BABY-A and BABY-B, which could end up being very serious, but I'm really focusing hard to give positive energy towards the babies. THERE WILL BE A MEMBRANE!! I go in next Friday to get another ultrasound. There was another thing that the doctor was concerned about and that was that it seemed like BABY-B didn't have as much fluid as the other, but again, I'm focusing my thoughts toward telling the babies to share the liquid. The doctor is also concerned about pre-term labor and that would NOT be good, but yes, I am convinced that they won't come early, because I am in control and not the doctor! God is at my side through all of these thoughts and that is a great comfort. Oma delivered Mom and Hans; I can deliver healthy babies too! The doctor made me feel like every worse case scenario is going to happen, but I know that if I stay focused, everything will be terrific!!

October 5, 1998

I talked to my CNM this morning to ask a few questions, and she said that Dr. N looked at the 'pictures' of the babies and she was very concerned about BABY-B because of there being such little fluid around it. Well, I begged for them to let me come in right away and they did. So, they did another ultrasound and BABY-A looked like it was doing aerobics and BABY-B was opening and shutting its fists and putting its knees up to its chest. It was a good sign to see it moving and Dr. N was happy to see that it had gotten a little more fluid in its sack. BABY-A weighs 8oz. and BABY-B weighs 7oz. and this isn't enough of a weight difference to be concerned--yet. I am supposed to get two hours bedrest in the morning and two hours in the afternoon and also right when Keith comes home and then complete bedrest from my 24th to my 28th week (Nov. 5th to Dec. 5th) because this is a very critical time for the babies. I'm worried about who will take care of me and KMV during that time, but I know that the Lord will work it out. I just want my babies to go full-term and be healthy!!!

October 16, 1998

Today we went to the doctor again. For about an hour we were with our CNM asking questions. She gave us different scenarios for the twins. Such as: one twin could die and it would need to be removed so that the other twin could survive; or one twin would not do well and they would take it out and see if it could survive in the NICU and then sew me up and see if the other baby could survive in the womb. So, she basically told us that we could end up with one, two or zero babies. It's all so uncertain and SCARY. Anyway, we had our ultrasound, but it was with Dr. G, who is a man. He was very nice, but I definitely like Dr. N better, who is a woman. He was very clinical and not so caring as the woman. Anyway, things looked more evened out, not perfect, but better. Anyway, I couldn't understand what I was seeing on the screen and so the whole appointment was very incomprehensible. Keith seemed to understand it better and he was very optimistic. I, on the other hand, was a basketcase the whole weekend. It didn't help that Keith didn't understand me. Anyway, we have a lot of prayers around our precious, precious twins and I just have to 'Let go and Let God' take over.

October 19, 1998

I called the doctor's office to talk to Dr. N and ask a few questions and I ended up talking to Lisa, which was great. I just asked if Dr. N thought the ultrasound looked better, because Dr. G really didn't explain it all that well and Lisa said that Dr. N was very encouraged.

October 20, 1998

Yesterday, I had my friend, Cindy, look up some twin stuff on the internet about this twin-to-twin-transfusion that the doctors are thinking is what's the matter with the twins. Anyway, I got that information in the mail today and it was so brutally honest that it took my breath away. I just don't feel like that's what the problem is. Anyway, I called my midwife and asked her questions about it all. She talked to Dr. G and told him what I had to say and she asked him a few questions. She called back and she said the doctor can't cancel it out yet, but they're thinking that it's 'differential placentation' - the deal with the umbilical cords. I guess that I don't know much about that and so I don't know the complications.

October 30, 1998

We went to the doctor today and I had gained four pounds!! We had an ultrasound and things looked miraculously better. The doctor was so happy with the evening out of the fluid that she asked me what I was doing and I said 'lots of prayer'. I pray that things never go bad again with the babies! We have another ultrasound on November 13th. I am excited, yet apprehensive.

November 13, 1998

I had lost a 1/2 a pound and the top baby weighed 5oz. less than the other.

November 24, 1998

I gained 5 pounds in a week.

Today, Keith wasn't able to come with because of work circumstances. My Mom came with to watch KMV while I was getting the ultrasound. Well, this visit wasn't so good as far as a little while ago. The babies are still VERY active, but the bottom baby weighed quite a bit more that the top baby and since they were active the doctors were happy, but very concerned. They had measured my cervix last time and it was great, but this time it wasn't as long and it looked 'dipped-in'. That's what scared me the most. Anyway, they're concerned about pre-term labor and so I am plenty scared right now and I am crying a lot. Our midwife, toured me through the NICU (intensive care) and she showed me a 31 week old baby. It was so small, its feet were probably an inch and a half long. I started to cry because it was just too much for me to see. I'm SO scared. Why is this happening? I feel terrible for saying this, but I just feel like giving up. I realize that I can't, but I'm so scared and confused and I don't know what God's will is. Is it wrong for me to pray to carry a long time or is that against His wishes? It's all so scary. What if I did all this crying and it was stupid of me? It's so hard. I hurt so bad inside, I can barely stand it. Thy will be done, dear Lord. Please hang on to me and my babies and please don't let my sadness hurt my children.

December 1, 1998

I lost one pound and I measured the same too. We came in three days early because the movement of the top baby wasn't the same as usual and we wanted to make sure that everything was all right. We got measured etc. and we talked a long time to our CNM. She's SO awesome! Anyway, we had our ultrasound. We don't or shouldn't have to have one until three weeks from now if everything goes all right. The Lord has blessed us so. The twins were very active; it's just that they changed positions. The bottom baby weighed 2 lbs, 7 oz. and the top baby weighed 1lb, 11oz. As long as they stay in the 50th and the 25th percentile, then they won't worry. My cervix was the same! GOOD! Anyway, it was comforting to know that they were so great (respectively). We are going to have a non-stress test next week and probably every week until they are born. We are so thankful for making it to 27 weeks!!

December 11, 1998

We had a non-stress test and everything was good. December 18, 1998

Today was a big day because I had to go in for diabetes testing. I had to be there at 7 in the morning and drink this awful sugar cola drink and get my blood drawn four times in three hours. I got really nauseated and sweaty. I went to the McK Hospital Library and looked at books and went on the internet to pass time. The last time I got my blood drawn, a man did it and he shoved the needle in my arm way too hard and he made me get sicker. Then I went to my doctor to get the non-stress test done and during the test I got really sick and they made me go and eat because I had been fasting for 16 hours and I was dizzy and SICK. So, I went and got Keith and we went and ate at a pizza joint; it was great, but it took me a long time to feel better. We went back and started the NST again and it wouldn't work! We were there for HOURS!! So, it never worked out and we ended up getting a small ultrasound. Dr. N told us that she thought at least one of them is a girl! Anyway, everything looked good.

December 22, 1998

We went in for a complete ultrasound today, and my CNM and I talked a lot about my options during labor and what the doctors would have to say etc. Dr. N is almost positive that they're girls! Pretty weird to know ahead of time. She measured the babies' tummies etc. The bottom baby weighed 3 lbs, 12 oz. and the top baby weighed 2 lbs, 11 oz. They're now in the 6% (bottom) and 30% (top) percentile. Dr. N says that a lot of times things slow down with their weight now (30 to 32 weeks) and she's hoping that they'll stay in those percentages. I'm a little scared right now because I talked to a lady who had twins at 33 weeks, and it's just so scary to think that I might have them early. Plus, KMV lost his bubba and I hope that we can find it!

December 30, 1998

I lost 2 pounds. We went in early today because of the snow and it was a good thing because we were there for SO long. We had a non-stress test and the one baby (A) was non-reactive and so we ended up getting an ultrasound. Dr. G did it and things turned serious and he thinks that the upper baby isn't doing very well. He said to expect to deliver them in the next two weeks. We're just flabbergasted because we thought it was going so well. It's in God's hand and with God all things are possible!!

*I had my first steroid shot today.*

December 31, 1998

I had contractions in the night and we got really nervous/anxious about it. I called our midwife so that she knew about them. We went to the doctor's at 9am and had an NST to monitor the contractions (every 7minutes and very mild). Dr. G found them both to be breathing and so we went home.

January 4, 1999

Dad took me to the doctor since the appointment was in the morning and Keith had started work again. I was only at the office a 1/2 hour and everything looked really good. We go back on Thursday.

January 7, 1999

We had a non-stress test and ultrasound today; it went SO well! Last week we thought we'd have our girls by now, but things turned out AGAIN. I'm scared that things will go bad again; it's all so up and down. Dr. N said that most twins are born by the 37th week. If that's the case, we have just a month left. It'll be so great if we could make it to February! I hope we can make it and they're healthy and then we could take them home right away. I also hope that I can give birth to them naturally! With God, ALL things are possible!!

January 11, 12 and 13, 1999

We just got back from a two day stay at the hospital! On the 11th, I went in to have an NST and Constance was non-reactive and so Dr. G did an ultrasound and discovered that Constance's umbilical cord flow was flowing one way, but not the other and this was what put me in the hospital. I had to get another set of steroid shots - OUCH. I had to get NST's constantly - which is good, but it gets really frustrating to find and keep both of the babies' heartbeats. I cried really hard because we had to watch a tape on c-sections and it looks SO scary. On the 12th (my birthday), Dr. N did an ultrasound and it looked a little better and on the 13th, Dr. G did an ultrasound and it looked good enough to send me home with strict orders to take it easy. My CNM had to check my cervix; it was soft, but still hard enough to continue being pregnant. I'm 33 weeks along right now and if I could make it to 35/36 weeks, the babies wouldn't have to struggle so much. I've put it so much into God's hands, that I just know that He knows what's going on and so that has really helped me, that's not to say that I don't cry and worry sometimes! WHEW!

January 15, 1999

We had our usual NST test and then a biophysical profile (ultrasound where they measure and weigh the babies). It took forever for us to finally get the BPP because the doctors were so behind, so Keith and I read magazines and played cards. I had some ketones show up in my urine and I guess that means that I hadn't been eating enough and so they were working on me to eat more. We found out the newest weight of the babies - Constance (5 lbs. 1 oz.) and Paloma (3 lbs. 7 oz.). For twins, Paloma is average and Constance is HUGE. I'll need to watch my sugar intake so that we can regulate Constance's weight. Anyway, Constance is usually on my right and Paloma on my left, but on this day they switched places and it has been so uncomfortable. Constance was facing up towards my belly and Dr. N said that she should be the other way. I've already prayed about it. Can you believe we've made it this far? God has done it all.

*P.S. The roads were really icy.

January 19, 1999

We had a good ultrasound and NST. On the 17th, I thought I lost my mucus plug and I called the CNM, but she didn't think it was that. An intern did part of my ultrasound.

January 22, 1999

water just brokeToday (Friday) we went to the doctor. We had an NST and we tried so hard to find both heartbeats, but we just couldn't, so the nurses put the ultrasound thing on my tummy. They were having a hard time finding both of the babies so they called Dr. N and the secretary made the mistake of saying to Dr. N that we couldn't find the heartbeats. Dr. N FLEW in the room in a panic, but we explained it and so they did another NST in the ultrasound room. BABY-B was reactive (of course) and BABY-A wasn't. Dr. N couldn't find breathing on her and she noticed that her heart was under stress. They checked my cervix and it was dilated to a 2 or a 3 and soft so they transferred me to the hospital to have my babies!!! They put us in our room, and we prepared ourselves for what was going to happen!! I'll write more in a little bit.

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