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Brenda's TTC Journal

Entry #13 ~ April 23, 2003
~ In a Holding Pattern

We have some very close, loving friends who often ask how our ttc efforts are going or what our next step is. I often use the phrase "holding pattern" to help explain where we are. We aren't sitting idly by, but waiting for our turn in line.

Brad and I met with our specialist on March 25 and had a really good appointment. I must admit that I was a little apprehensive. In the past, our doctor has tried to be very realistic with us regarding our chances to conceive and unfortunately, the realism isn't always good. However, being as realistic as possible, Brad and I had discussed our next step and we knew what we wanted to do. It was all a matter of waiting to see if the doctor was going to jump on board. Thank heavens, he did.

We are ready to move forward with an intrauterine insemination (IUI). This procedure would involve inserting semen high into the uterus. This saves the sperm a lot of time and energy trying to get through my cervix! They also inseminate using the "best" sperm possible. With a low sperm count, the chances are still very slim. Probably less than a 20% chance of success. But we feel very strongly that it is a good step for us. We knew that if we did proceed with the IUI that we would want the best care and monitoring to take full advantage of my cycle. Luckily, we didn't even have to tell our doctor this is what we wanted - he suggested it himself! He went through several options for us, most of which aren't in our realm of imagination at this time. Then he said the most important thing he has ever shared with us. He said, "You really owe it to yourselves to do an IUI with Brad's sperm since he went through surgery and recovery to make a baby that way."

The doctor suggested everything we were hoping he would. On the first day of the cycle we choose, I will call his office to let them know we are ready. At that point we'll do things like blood work and an ultrasound to see what my ovaries look like in the beginning of a cycle. Then I will be on clomid for a few days to stimulate my ovaries to produce eggs. In the middle of my cycle, we will do an ultrasound or two to see if the eggs appear to be mature enough to release. I will then receive a shot that will trigger my ovaries to release an egg (or eggs!). The day after the trigger shot will be the insemination. This will maximize our chances by attempting to control my cycle and time the insemination correctly. In the meantime, Brad has started his own clomid and vitamin regimen in an attempt to maximize his sperm count. He started his new dose on April 1 and it is best to wait about 72 days. That is how long it will take the medicine to truly affect the new sperm being produced. So our plan is to wait out the 72 days until June 12 and see where I am. Hopefully that will coincide with the beginning of a cycle for me so we can take advantage of it! I am very excited to move forward with this plan, but in the meantime - we wait . . . again . . .

Brad turned 31 just a week ago. Happy Birthday, Sweetie! I'm reminded more and more lately that I am truly blessed to have him for a husband. How many men would really go through surgery to assist with conception? How many men would let their wives type out intimate details of his sperm to strangers from around the world? We had a friend tell us just tonight that she is so jealous of us. She said she wanted to be like us when she gets married. I don't think we could get a much better compliment than that. I guess we are doing something right! I do know that if she marries any one like Brad, she can face anything and still come out making other people envious. We may feel like we are in a holding pattern while we wait for our family. We may feel like we are in a holding pattern while we wait to see what the future really holds. But I can't think of anything better than to be holding onto Brad through it all.

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