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Brittany's Pregnancy Journal

Weeks 18 - 20
~ Lots of Catching Up to Do

Let me start off by apologizing for not writing in a few weeks. Every time I sat down to start a new week I'd get so upset and frustrated with the events that I couldn't bring myself to write them down.

That being said let me take you back a few weeks. It's mid-August, Ben and I just got home from being in Connecticut for a week. I was dreading the homecoming for whatever reason, I was angry and sad at the thought of being stuck in a house I wasn't comfortable in and I'm sure the emotion read clear on my face. We celebrated Bonnie's birthday and I told Ben's parents I was talking/thinking about moving in with my mom come September. I explained my reasoning for wanting to move and they seemed to understand well enough. I had told my mom a few days later that it was a sure thing and to make whatever arrangements needed.

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Although Ben and I talked at length about my moving and he said over and over that he understood and would support the decision I noticed in the days to follow a distance begin to wedge between us. This realization made me depressed and withdrawn; I didn't do anything but eat, sleep, shower and pee for a good week and a half. Ben was gearing up to start school and my dwindling time here was eating at everyone. Inside I was excited because I had been so depressed that the thought of being away from it all in a few weeks made it bearable.

The first week of September came and we had our Level 2 Anatomy Scan. We told the tech we wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl so she went through all the organs and then came to between the legs; it's a girl! and we are naming her Alexa Joyce. I was very excited but I could tell Ben was slightly disappointed. Not that he'll ever admit that. Well the tech finished and said the Doctor would be in and he'd want to look at the ultrasound himself. He came in a few minutes later and looked around, after what seemed like hours of him pushing the wand onto my belly he finally spoke. He told us that pretty much everything looked good but I have what is called a Single Umbilical Artery. Instead of there being two which carry waste from the baby to my blood stream and carry blood from me to the baby there is only one. He said her heart looked good but they want to do an echocardiogram to make sure. I scheduled that for four weeks and we were on our way.

When I got home I explained to Ben's parents what the doctor said and I stressed to them that I didn't want anyone else to know (aside from my parents) that anything is possibly wrong until the echo comes back. I didn't think this request was unreasonable seeing as it's my baby and my body. Well not two days later Bonnie comes in the bedroom while Ben was in the shower and tells me she told her sister and that Kelly said she'd pray for me . . . did you seriously just look me in the face and tell me you disrespected me? That was my final straw. I would have left then and there and not looked back but this isn't just about me. It's about Ben too so I bit my tongue and just said "mhm". I am not telling them anything anymore. If Ben wants to clue them in that's on him but as far as I am concerned they will know just as much as is posted on Facebook or if it is critical for them to know. I don't even say two words anymore. If Bonnie stops by the bedroom when she gets home from work I'll smile and go back to what I was doing. That may be complete bitch mode of me but I have no tolerance anymore. It's 2 am and even though I barely sleep anymore Lexi likes to tell me when my bladder is too full for her by jumping on it and it's very painful so I'm going to sign off here before I pee my pants haha.

Brittany


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