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Carla's pregnancy journal


Week 32
~ I'm actually having a baby!

The silliest thing occurred to me yesterday: I'm ACTUALLY having a baby! Duh! <smile> As I sat in the doctor's office for my regular appointment, the baby was moving around so strongly and aggressively. It was as though he/she was scaling up and down my insides. I felt the elbows, knees, feet....just having a grand old time. And the weirdest revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. Girl, you're having a baby!

The REALITY has never been so vivid. I've known since week six that I was pregnant. I've worried over having another miscarriage. I held my breath up until week 12, and then held it again not ready to let my guard down. I cried uncontrollably in my office in the presence of my boss when I knew without a doubt that for the first time I felt the baby move. I've endured the morning sickness (the worse I've ever had) with a smile because I knew it was a part of pregnancy, and have been told a quite healthy sign. I've watched my belly grow......something that didn't occur in the other pregnancies. I sit here and now am agonizing over the last trimester pangs and discomforts. I've even begun to purchase items for the baby and am on this crocheting kick and plan to make a sweater/hat/bootie set and an afghan. Yet, it didn't dawn on me until yesterday just how REAL all of this is! Yes, I'm really having a baby!

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I was quite disgusted yesterday as I was at the doctor's office seemingly all day. I didn't leave until after 2:00 and had been there since 10:00. But, maybe that time was necessary for me to just sit back and reflect on what's really happening. I brought a BOOK to read, and did so, but then got tired of reading. I then took a nap. When they finally called me in the back, after the weigh-in, blood pressure, and urine, I again fell asleep while waiting on the doctor. They brought me into my favorite room...the ultra sound room. However, no ultrasound was done, much to my dismay. He just did an internal exam. The doctor says I'm still shut, no dilating going on. He instructed me to continue taking the medication he prescribed for the contractions. I hadn't been taking them as prescribed, I only took them as I needed them. He doesn't want me to do this. Well, since I've followed his orders, I am VERY jittery and extremely jumpy. It's a weird feeling and I don't like it! I went upstairs to the infirmary to read their PDR, and it does state as one of the side effects of this particular medication nervousness and tremors! Hot dang! That's me! I'm going to take one more dose at 1:00 pm. If it continues, then I'm going to give him a call, for I don't think I should feeling like this and I certainly don't like it. God, I can't believe this. I'm shakey. My hands are shaking, my voice shakes.....it's weird!

Well, Jerry is out of town for this Labor Day weekend. We dropped him off for the bus last night. This is an annual trip that his bowling league takes to Hot Springs, Arkansas. I told him that it would be something if the baby decided to come while he's away!

Personally, and I say this all of the time, I think the baby is coming earlier than the due date. But, if I had to pick a date, particularly in September, I'd want it to be the 2nd. That is the day that Mama died. It was such a terribly sad day and time in my life. It would be nice to have a wonderful, blessed event also occur on that day. One life departed this life on that day.....a life that I loved dearly......and it would be nice if one life....one that I love dearly, would enter this world.

Well, we'll see what happens. Count down continues! Only 4 weeks to week 36, and 8 weeks until 40. Pick a day... any day. <smile>

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