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Carrie's Pregnancy Journal
 

Week 10-11
~ Weariness, Depression, and Isolation

Life is very wearisome.

I have been experiencing depression, and crave support and encouragement from Steve. But, he is tired of me constantly complaining about my discomforts. I struggle with feelings of bitterness, and must constantly remind myself that he's never experienced pregnancy, himself. How could he ever fully "understand"? I'm sure there have been times when I, too, wasn't as sensitive as he might have liked.

Steve's surely struggling, himself. He has probably lost all hope of ever again laying eyes on a happy, contented wife. I know I have been anything but pleasant to be around . . .

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We have a medical-grade doppler we bought when I was pregnant with our now-6-year-old daughter, Scarlet. We were delighted to finally get the baby's heart tones at the end of week ten! His or her heart sounds very strong at approximately 176 BPM! -- This was such a major relief, as now we know for SURE that the baby is alive and apparently alright!

I've been so frustrated with my inability to get "caught up" on my family's laundry. Truly, it was "out of control"! -- It's so incredibly hard keeping up with this task with a family this size.

Someone suggested I just bag it all up and take it to the nearest laundromat, sift through it all, keep out only a few outfits for each person, and box the rest. My husband agreed to let me do this, and it felt so very good to have mounds of clean laundry again in less than two hours time!

I missed two weeks, in a row, of church. The family went on without me. I think closing myself up in the house, as I did, hurt me both emotionally and spiritually. I didn't realize how much Sunday meetings fed me until I was back! -- My attitude is much more what it should be, and I want to do better to please God with my behavior!

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