This week, I was invited to journal for StorkNet.
When I was filled with extreme nausea and exhaustion, I spent more time on the computer. It helped to keep my mind off of some of the discomfort, and allowed me to avoid moving about -- something that made the early pregnancy symptoms worse.
While I spent time online, I came across StorkNet's website, and offered our journey to be chronicled. I was surprised and excited when the editor wrote to accept!
I enjoy journaling very much, and find it very therapeutic somehow. My hard-bound journals have come in very handy as I have looked back over this pregnancy so far, and copied original writings, here. And I was humbled to see how negative I've allowed the experience to be. How wrong and unfortunate! And how very embarrassing!
I noticed, too, that each time I was in a "rough patch" (that I thought I'd never make it through) it didn't last forever! Relief came to me! -- Why was I so impatient and fretful!? I feel as though I've wasted a lot of precious time feeling sorry for myself, when I could have tried harder to be joyful!
This last week has been like bits of light continuing to peek out from a dark passageway. My energy has continued to return little by little, and the nausea only bothers me maybe twice per day for an hour or so. I am hopeful that I can get the children's schooling back underway. We've been "scattered" in our studies far too long!
I think we decided on a hospital, finally. We are going to be at the same one we had our last four children at, but will just randomly choose a doctor that my husband's plan covers, and hope for the best. The worst case scenario is that our personalities won't "mesh", but we have time to switch if necessary.
I am beginning to feel the baby's movements, some. They feel like tiny little "clicks" and "taps" from within. If I put my hand to my tummy, I cannot feel it. The sensation is more "on the inside", near my hipbone and catches me "off guard". It is exciting! Sometimes, in keeping so busy with a large family, a new baby on the way feels a little unreal. The movements help to remind me that someone new really is on the way! The baby feels more "real", now.
I want to spend the rest of this pregnancy focusing on the good, and not the unpleasant. This is an undeserved gift we've been given. It's time to enjoy and appreciate it, even if things aren't going perfectly!