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Carrie's Pregnancy Journal

Week 21
~ There You Finally Are, Baby!

This past week must have brought about a nice change in my baby girl's size, or maybe her bones have simply hardened more. I have been feeling such nice rolls, kicks and punches from within. Strong enough to "rouse" her if she's "too quiet" . . . but gentle enough to be completely enjoyed! This is the "best part of pregnancy" I've been anxiously awaiting!

Yesterday, I went in for the "official" ultrasound examination the new doctor ordered. We left most of the older children at home, and only took the three littlest ones. They all came in with me, and sat on daddy's lap or at his feet while the technician did her job.

"Dad," my four year old commented, while looking at the ultrasound screen, "It's really dark in there! Is the baby scared?"

The technician told me what she was measuring and even said that she could measure the thickness of my lower uterine segment (where the cesarean scars are). But I must wait until my next appointment with the doctor for him to relay any of the information she gleaned. I hope I have an honest doctor.

I just got a postcard in the mail from the doctor's office. Apparently, they needed to cancel my February appointment. So, I now have to call them to reschedule. I wonder when they'll fit me in, this time. It seems the wait is normally quite long. And, since the ultrasound, I am anxious to get in and hear what the doctor has to say about the results. How does the baby's heart and spine look? Do things look good? Any clefting? What about that site with the cesarean scars? Is it terribly thin? Or does it look good?

I have done much research on VBA2Cs (vaginal birth after 2 cesareans) this last week. I am amazed at how things have changed in just a few years, due to lawsuits. I really am beginning to feel "at peace" with the situation, though. I feel as though the birth that is meant to happen, simply will. If I am meant to have a cesarean, all our attempts NOT to have one will fall through. Maybe my blood pressure will rise drastically again, or some other difficulty will occur.

Or, maybe, we'll find another doctor/hospital that will allow me a natural birth.

Still another option is that I will end up with a midwife . . . She will be back on the 9th, as she's been away at a medical missions conference out of the country. I left my name and number with her husband, so she could call me back.

Whatever happens, I think I've finally come to a place of acceptance. It is early yet. There is time for things to just "drop into place" as God intends them to.

One strange thing in regard to my blood pressure . . . I am wondering if the nurse at the doctor's office read my blood pressure incorrectly during my appointment last week. We have a monitor here at home (digital), that reads me at a nice, low diastolic pressure (the lower number). I tend toward the mid 60s to low 70s (about 113/65) when I am healthy. I always have. But the nurse read me at 124/84. That is high for me, and when it begins to climb into the 80s, like that, it means my blood pressure is beginning an abnormal rise. The nurse, though, insisted it was a "good" reading. She told me it might be higher due to "stress". It is true that I was very uncomfortable there at the clinic. We were late arriving, and then had a bit of trouble with the insurance office. Not to mention the excruciatingly long wait, and just being in a new place surrounded by new healthcare professionals...

But, when I got home, my blood pressure was back to my "usual low". And it's remained such, since then. I am wondering if they read me incorrectly? I think when I next go in, I am going to take my monitor with me, and compare my blood pressure reading on the monitor to the nurse's reading. Maybe they will find that my monitor is faulty? I cannot imagine, as it is only a year and a half old, but it really makes me wonder. Something just isn't right. For me, blood pressure readings are a major issue. I have a tendency toward severe PIH (Pregnancy Induced Hypertension) and pre-eclampsia. I want a health care team that I can trust.

I woke to more snow falling, this morning. It's beautiful, but I'm anxious to put my hands back in the dirt, outside! I can't wait to do my planting and watch the flower bulbs come to bloom! And the closer we get toward summer, the closer the baby's arrival is!

In the meantime, the children are growing more curious and interested in this little baby growing within. My four year old likes to run and get my seamstress tape measure from my sewing desk and bring it to me to "show him" how big the baby is. The six year old constantly embarrasses me in public with statements and questions about the "baby inside there", pointing to my belly.

This afternoon, one of the children told me bluntly that I had "a big, fat belly, because that baby in there's getting so nice and big." Um, thanks. Really. :-/

I've had fun, this last week, answering all the children's questions about their own births, and reliving those early moments with them. This baby is definitely beginning to feel more "real" to us. And she's already a beautiful blessing!

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