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Carrie's Pregnancy Journal

Week 30
~ Maybe There's Hope After All?

I had my latest doctor appointment, today. We were able to go to a clinic he works at this morning, that is closer than the other one he regularly sees patients at. It was a pleasant change! -- Less time on the road, and a quieter, more peaceful wait. We took only two of the children: The 3 and 1 1/2 year olds. The 16 year old was put in charge of the other five, at home.

I have good news in that things look more hopeful after having seen the doctor than they did upon going in. The past five days or so, my blood pressure has been higher. My normal diastolic (lower) readings are between 65-75, and they'd risen into the 80s. I simply accepted the fact that my blood pressure was deciding to take the "higher turn" as it always does in the third trimester. Plus, the baby has continued to refuse to assume a "proper position" (vertex).

I told my husband, on the way to church last evening, that I'd given the whole "VBAC" vs "cesarean" decision over to God, and that I was completely content with the fact it looked like the Lord was telling me that a cesarean would be the better mode of delivery for this baby. I just have so much confidence that God is in control, and will work out all the details for our good.

The nurse at the clinic took my blood pressure, first. Everything is inputted into a computer, nowadays, I've noticed. No one keeps a written patient chart, any longer. So, when the nurse went to "enter" my blood pressure reading into her system, I bent my head over to watch as she typed:


What!? "Is that right?" I asked her, shocked. I was surprised and overjoyed!

I did tell the doctor, when he came in, about my higher readings at home. I like that he seems to take what I say seriously. There is never a condescending attitude. He made a note on the system about my home readings but assured me that everything did look good right now. He told me to lie down in order to check Baby's position. I told him she was still breech. On the way there, in the car, her head was just underneath, and between my ribcage, with her "smaller parts" off to my left hip area.

"Ahhh, now, here," he said as he felt around for the baby's lie. And, I could tell by the way he was poking and palpating, that she must have turned transverse since we'd gotten in to the clinic.

Sure enough. Blah. This naughty little baby!

He said I shouldn't worry until about 37 weeks. "I think this one's going to turn." He said, if at 37 weeks, she is still lying incorrectly, he feels confident that we can do something about it through external version (where the doctor moves the baby into position from the outside). That is not something I desire, as I've heard how uncomfortable it is . . . But the doctor said that he believes it would be especially easy on me.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you have no abdominal muscles holding things in. It's all open. From here," and he moved his hands from in front of himself in an exaggerated manner, to his sides, "to here! There would be no resistance from abdominal muscles. I could turn her easily!" Apparently, my first cesarean nearly 17 years ago (vertical abdominal incision), followed by each of the next eight pregnancies only created further separation of my abdominal muscles. This is why I am so uncharacteristically large for my gestational age.

I felt better, in a way, knowing that there was a "reason" for this. I've felt so huge, and so self conscious. At church, this past Sunday, I sat in the same pew as a dear sister in Christ who is only a week or so less than I am. It is her second pregnancy, and she is unbelievably tiny compared to me. My husband works with women who are expecting. They are smaller than me. I feel absolutely gigantic and unattractive.

On the way home, my husband said something about doing "sit ups" after delivery to help with the abdominal muscles. I told him that it wouldn't help. They weren't joined, so couldn't be "toned". At the back of my mind, I had to wonder if he said what he did about the "exercises" because he doesn't like the idea of life with a "fat woman".

I am finding this later period of pregnancy very, very unsettling. I am more emotional. Things like my husband's reactions and feelings for me have a greater impact on me than ever. I feel "unstable" and particularly "needy" of his acceptance.

The doctor gave me "general instructions" on when to call the hospital/clinic -- preterm labor, lack of movement, etc. Then, he settled back into a chair and asked if I had questions. Before we left, I did ask about why they haven't run the urinalysis on me at all, yet. Didn't they need to check for protein, sugars, etc...? And the glucose tolerance test. I told him I hadn't yet had that done, either. I was given the orange Glucola drink and have to go in to the lab, this week for blood draws. They're going to do the urinalysis then, too.

I am to go back to the doctor in two weeks, now. That was a powerful instruction! -- It made me realize how far along I actually am, this pregnancy! I have a "pregnancy ticker" on my blog. I enjoy seeing the "countdown" of numbers. It is a lot of fun, and makes things that much more real! How did so much time pass so quickly!?

I finished sewing the baby's "diaper bag" this past week. It turned out really well. I've never made anything like it before. Normally, I focus on clothing. That's all. The night I completed the project, I sat at the table with the children eating supper. I found myself telling my oldest daughter, "I can't believe I made a diaper bag!" I just figured it'd be too complicated, somehow, for me to manage!

I also have successfully sewed "slings". One for a gift, and one for myself. I cannot wait to use mine! It's a pretty light pink with tiny rosebud print. Pretty, and functional! The idea of not needing to put the little blessing down to tend chores or other children appeals to me, greatly!

Oh, and guess what. I guess we're not settled on a name after all, for this poor child. One night last week, out of nowhere, my husband asked me, "Are we going to choose a name for this baby, or not?"

What? "I thought we already had," I told him. Somehow, he had no such recollection. I guess his statement of, "Sure, I suppose that name would work" wasn't an actual decision, after all. I think I will wait until after this baby's birth to share any further names with all of you. It looks like we won't know her name until then, anyway!

Well, it's after midnight and believe it or not, there are still a few things left to do before I can lie down and rest, and wait for my husband's return from work.

I wonder what next week will bring!

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