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Carrie's Pregnancy Journal

Week 31
~ I'm Plain Miserable!

Another week of growing larger and larger. Truly, I am bigger than anything I care to describe, and it depresses me like something awful. I am terribly uncomfortable and becoming extremely weary of this pregnancy. I am ready for it to end, already. Rolling over in bed is now not only a feat worthy of applause, it's probably a painful act to watch. I think even my husband thinks I am exaggerating when I try to find a new position. He has never said anything, but . . .

If only he knew just how impossible it is to move!

Walking takes too much energy. I would rather sit. But of course only so much sitting is possible with a house full of children. And, frankly, it isn't healthy.

I have been enjoying being outside, more. The weather has been so nice. Last week, I put in some rhubarb my aunt sent down with my dad when he visited last weekend, and some bulbs he dug from my grandmother's garden. That was special to me, as she passed away last year. Now (if the squirrels leave things alone) I'll have a little bit of her, here at the house. But, while I was putting them in the ground in the front, I kneeled on a rock of some sort and hurt my knee badly. I spent the last three days with a very painful knee, gritting my teeth a lot! But, today, it is better! I am much relieved!

I went in to have the glucose tolerance test, last week. I called for the results, today. They were normal at "100". I still want to look that number up and see what exactly it means.

I haven't done too much sewing or anything. I have that baby afghan sitting relatively untouched. It's only about 1/3 done. Whenever I think of going to task with these things, I feel too tired to even tackle it. I don't know what is wrong with me. Everything makes me feel overwhelmed. It's hard to do what needs doing, lately. Maybe I should have the obstetric office check my iron? This morning, I was so sleepy. I kept falling asleep on the smaller children who were up. It was very frustrating. No matter how hard I tried, my eyes continued closing . . .

Baby is still breech. Of course. I can tell, already, she is not going to be one who likes changes!

I have begun thinking more about labor, again. It is very odd. As the time draws nearer, I find myself more open to cesarean. I have the stories of others revolving in the back of my mind (for example, one close friend of mine told me about her cousin's wife who was on her second VBAC. She and her husband left for the hospital in early labor, and by the time they arrived a few minutes later, she was fainting. They could not get a heart rate on the baby - he'd died due to rupture). Plus, the idea of labor again . . . not exactly appealing . . .

I am just keeping myself "open" for whatever the Lord allows. If I need a cesarean, I will accept it. If I am to labor, I'll accept that, too. I guess it does not pay to worry about "the morrow", now does it? God is already there and will carry me through whatever it is I will face.

I go in for my next appointment with the doctor next week, Monday. I'm sure I'll have more to share next time.

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