I was feeling so good about how fast this pregnancy seemed to be going as the weeks flipped by. But, presently, I am just plain weary of expecting! I cannot wait to feel my "normal self" again.
I am tired of lugging this large body of mine around, and tired of the discomforts. More than anything, I crave my husband's sensitivity and understanding. But, instead, I'm feeling rather alone. This pregnancy has been far more challenging comfort-wise than any of my others. There have been days I've longed to have someone just wrap their arms around me and tell me it's alright. It's almost over, and I'll feel better soon.
I'm just ready for this baby to come.
I've often thought about that, too, though. After this little one is born . . . I'm still going to have a time of it! Will I be a good parent when it's already a challenge caring for the others? Sometimes it seems there's simply not enough of me to stretch.
I had another appointment with the obstetrician, yesterday forenoon. An hour drive to sit in the exam room five minutes. I do not know what to think of this office. It's just so very different than any care I've received elsewhere, in the past. I miss my old doctor and clinic. I know I will miss the familiar hospital our last four were delivered at.
I think most of my problem is due to fatigue. I really do. It's playing havoc with my mind and body. It's such a fight to keep a good attitude, and sometimes I wonder if I'm not doomed to constant failure.
Baby is still breech. I am still trying to do various "home tricks" to no avail.
It seems such an irony! The last four pregnancies were complicated with hypertension/pre-eclampsia . . . But this time my blood pressure is unbelievably low! -- Unfortunately, though, we have a breech baby so I still haven't escaped my status of "high risk"!
Doctor R. still plans on doing an external version to try and turn the baby in a couple weeks. I am dreading this like something awful. I think it's the "looking forward" that is the most unpleasant. My imagination is probably making it out to be worse than it is.
A scheduled cesarean at 38 weeks is looking mighty appealing as I close this week!