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Week 10 ~ April 5, 2004
~ Pregnant Daydreams
This Tuesday, midwife's office: I arrive early, nervous, excited. I'm wearing some pants that don't quite fit. I've buttoned two of the four buttons on the fly, and covered the mess with a big t-shirt. If all goes well today, I'm going shopping for some new clothes!
I meet the midwife and we hit it off as I expected. She checks for the heartbeat with her doppler. After a few seconds of searching, I hear it. I lock eyes with her, and then the tears of relief come. She leaves the doppler on my tummy until I nod to her that I believe it now, everything's okay, I don't need to hear anymore.
Late May, Farmer's Market: I am wearing my new maternity capris, and they are so comfy! I am just pregnant enough that the mothers who pass me try to catch my eye with a knowing smile.
Pete, Charon and I visit the vendors, buying tomato plants, herbs, peppers, asparagus for tonight's supper. We split up for a bit so that I can look at the handmade soaps, and Pete and Charon come back to me with a surprise bouquet of flowers.
We have lunch in the park, lemonade and bagels with fried egg and cheese that we bought at the market. I love that food tastes so good to me again. Pete makes up a game to play with Charon. Then he and I watch her climbing on the rocks, finding sticks, bending down to look at bugs. He beams at me and hugs me.
August, up at the lake: I am finally able to wear that maternity swimsuit I bought last summer! I play with Charon in the water, enjoying the sun and gorgeous blue sky. Later that night, we venture down to lie on the dock and look up at the stars. As I ponder the Milky Way and the vastness of it all, the baby in my womb nudges me gently. I feel as big as the sky.
Early October, at home, air-conditioning still running: I am wearing the only pair of shorts I have left that are comfortable. I am cranky and hot, ticked off at the abnormally warm weather we are having. It's fall now! Leaves are supposed to be turning colors, and they don't do that in 80-degree heat! Pull it together, Mother Nature!
Charon comes over to me and puts her warm, sticky hands on my belly. I am surprised at how good they feel. She looks intently at my belly, and then up at me. "Don't worry, Mom. The baby is coming soon."
Late October, waterbirthing tub: I'm wearing nothing. Pete has an excited smile on his face. There are five other people in the room, and I don't care. My mind and body are focused on pushing out this baby. I tell myself I can do it. My midwife lets my find my own pace, my own rhythm. Slowly, surely, I feel the baby ease out of me, into the water. The last two pushes hurt as the baby crowns and then slips out, but it's not half as bad as I'd remembered. I know what's coming next.
S/he is in my arms, gazing at me with alert, new eyes. I fall in love. Pete does, too, and sings a song. My doula goes to find Charon and my parents, so that they can greet the baby in these early moments. We are family.
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