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Catherine's Pregnancy Journal

Week 38 ~ June 4, 2001
~ A Rocky Week

Baby has dropped (something that never happened with Jonathan), and is very low. My pelvic floor hurts!!! It feels like I'm carrying a bowling ball in there. At times it feels like baby is just going to pop on out! In the morning my pelvic floor huts most. I wonder why that is???

Scott left Tuesday afternoon. Jonathan cried and cried. I felt so sorry for him. He loves his dada so much and doesn't like to see him go. He was pretty fussy most of the night, but I did manage to get him to bed by around 10pm (late for his bedtime, but oh well).

Tuesday night I started watching a movie called Solomon and Gaenor. I watched half of it and then made myself go to sleep. It was late, and I knew I'd have a full day on Wednesday without Scott here to help. I was really enjoying the movie though, and had a hard time making myself turn it off.

Wednesday afternoon my friend Amy came over with her son, who is close in age to Jonathan. Jonathan and I had a great time! It's the first time in a while we've had company over. I spent the morning cleaning and I admit to getting a bit overzealous. I think it must be those nesting vibes! I am really looking forward to Monday's appointment at the chiropractor. After scrubbing all of the black scuff marks off the kitchen floor, I really need an adjustment. I will also get a massage, and I'm looking forward to that too.

The birth tub from Waterbirth International arrived today!!! Storknet had a guest interview with Barbara Harper, R.N., founder and director of Waterbirth International, just a little while back and I enjoyed reading her replies. If you'd like to take a look, the interview on StorkNet is here. Scott and I knew we wanted to rent a birthing tub, but hadn't decided who we'd like to rent it from. The Waterbirth International website provided a lot of great information, and after comparing tubs and prices we decided we'd found a winner!! I think we will set it up this weekend. It was hard for me to not get started right away but I knew I'd need Scott's help. I'm so excited!!!

Wednesday night I finished watching Solomon and Gaenor. It was so good, but sad. That evening I felt lonely, and really missed Scott. I'm sure my emotions were intensified by my pregnancy hormones. Of course, I guess it's easy to blame pregnancy hormones for everything!!

Wednesday evening I drove my brother to the recruiter's office. He was to spend the night in a hotel in Dallas and then take a bus to his destination the following morning. I was so sad to see him go. He hung out with Jonathan and I a few hours before we left, and Jonathan adores him.

Thursday around 11:45 am my midwife called. I had scheduled this week's appointment at 11:00 am, but thought the appointment was at 1:00 pm. I can't believe I forgot the correct time! I felt so awful. I apologized as much as I possibly could, and truly just couldn't stop apologizing because I felt so bad. Many times during this pregnancy I have felt like I don't have a brain at all.

Shortly after my midwife called, my brother called. I was really surprised to hear from him. He said they had a problem with paperwork and asked if he could stay with us until it was taken care of. I said yes. He arrived a little later that afternoon.

Scott caught an earlier flight home and pulled up in the driveway around 4:30 pm on Thursday. I was so glad to see him and so was Jonathan!! I made a yummy combination of potato and sweet potato soup. Jonathan even liked it!!

The weekend was sort of a blur. It went by quickly, but it was stressful for me. Having my brother here and not knowing exactly how long he would stay was a bit much for me. I've been nesting and feeling very protective of my family. When my brother stayed with us for the six months last year, there were a number of things that he did that broke our trust. There were a number of things that happened afterward also that let us know that we weren't important to him. It hurt the relationship further. He's still my brother, and I want to be here for him. The whole weekend I did try, and try harder. By Saturday, though, I was just a mental wreck. I think the weekend would've been wonderful otherwise.

We went to our childbirth class Saturday morning and afterward had our appointment with our midwife. It went really well! And, she told Scott how to listen to baby's heartbeat!!! She showed him that he only need put his ear against the left side of my tummy. He didn't try it there, but I think he was a bit nervous or shy because the very first time I reclined on the bed he popped right over to listen!!! It was so cute. He listened intently for less than a minute and smiled the biggest smile. Oh, it was precious. He said so happily that he could hear it, lifted his head up and then back down to listen again. I hope I never forget that moment.

Saturday night we watched our Gentle Birth Choices video that was included in the price of the birthing tub. They sent it ahead the tub, and I had already watched it but I wanted Scott to watch it. The first birth brought tears (joyful though!) to my eyes both times. It's just so beautiful! Scott enjoyed it too.

Sunday went by very quickly, and we found out later in the day that David's recruiter was to come pick him up to leave that evening. We didn't realize he would be leaving that day, although he let us know that he's sure he told us. His recruiter came around 6pm. A part of me was sad that his last weekend with us was so rocky. Had I known that he'd only be there for just the weekend I think I would've felt a lot less stress, and maybe things would've gone more smoothly. But, as it was, we had no idea if he would be there a few days or expect to stay a month. It was stressful for both Scott and me, and I was just so glad that settled and over. But, wait . . . the story takes yet another turn . . .

I'm including Monday since I'm writing this now, so I can add the latest update. I had been waiting for weeks for things to slow down so I can concentrate on relaxing, getting things in order for baby, and just having very little excitement in our lives! Guess it's going to be a little while longer . . . Today I went to the chiropractor and also had a massage. The day had gone well, and I left feeling wonderful. I arrived home and Scott (he had come home to watch Jonathan while I went to the chiropractor) asked if I wanted bad news or very bad news. I made some comment saying something to the effect of please no, not David. Yes, David . . . he called to ask if he could come back because of more paperwork problems, and the "very bad news" was that the earliest he would leave would be Friday. I pretty much freaked out. I was walking around the house thinking aloud and saying, "I can't do this, I can't do this". I really felt like I was going to explode or something. I'm sure if someone had taken my blood pressure it would've been sky high. I know it's not David's fault, and I don't even know if he has any other options . . . and I know he doesn't realize what it's like to be 38 weeks pregnant and nesting, hormonal and all these horrid emotions that are flooding my entire being. Scott had already told him yes, and I too felt like we couldn't say no anyway.

Well, I called my SIL and she was very soothing to me. She really validated my feelings, helped me to not feel guilty about the emotions I was feeling, and gave me some suggestions. I am so thankful for her advice!! After talking the options over with Scott, we have decided that we will see how this week goes. Either on Friday, or before if I'm feeling too overwhelmed, we will let David know that we'll be happy to pay for him to stay in a hotel for a week or maybe a little more. We'll be happy to have him over for meals if he can't afford to buy himself food (we haven't discussed his financial situation at all), and we've already given him a calling card with around 100 minutes. We won't be able to afford to keep him there for more than a week or two though so we'll let him know that if things aren't cleared up after that time that he should seriously consider moving back in with my mom and dad. I've talked to my dad throughout this whole ordeal and I'm pretty sure they'd be happy to have him back (he lived there before moving here) until he gets back up on his feet. We're going to see how the week goes to decide when it will be best to talk to him about it. He might even enjoy staying in a hotel better. We don't have cable or an antenna so we don't get any channels, and he doesn't read books. Over the weekend he sat on the couch all day staring blankly into the air most of the time and I know he couldn't have been more bored! At least a hotel will have cable and he will have more privacy.

Part of me feels like Scott and I have made a good decision about the hotel, and another part of me feels really guilty for not being willing to do more. I know that if I wasn't due shortly, and wasn't trying to get settled before the baby comes that letting him stay here wouldn't be such a stress. It just seems like the worst possible time, and I want to do the right thing for both my family and for my brother. My SIL reminded me to think of the little one we're expecting so soon, and that my stress level should be kept at a minimum. Internally, I just keep freaking out about it. It feels like more than I can handle right now, even just having him this week. While I want to be a "good person/sister" and let him stay here as long as he needs, I don't feel that I can. It's overwhelming me and it's affecting everything I do and feel. I've even had a few painful contractions today, and I know it's because I'm so tense.

Can you tell I'm going to have a fun week?? Hehehe. I am going over to my friend Amy's in the morning, and Wednesday my friend Cathi is coming over with her newborn boy!! I'm going to get to meet him for the first time!!! And my midwife appointment is on Thursday, which is always fun. So, I do have things to look forward to and I'm hoping this week will not be as bad as I'm worrying it will be.

I feel like I should thank anyone who's made it all the way to the end of this journal entry!!! It's certainly a long and whiny one.

week 39  |  week 37
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Pregnancy Week By Week Guide ~ week 38

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