Weeks 18 & 19 ~ May 2, 2005
Ok, this entry is going to be pretty much a hodgepodge! The first thing that comes to my mind is my marked attitude shift. You see I am a fairly easy-going, socially conscious person. I know how to behave in public. My Mom taught me that certain things are and are not acceptable in a public setting. All I can say now is that being pregnant has caused me to abandon some of those ingrained conventions. For example, I am no longer afraid to pass gas in public. Albeit, I will try my very best to do it silently but if Jellybean needs a pressure release, by all means Jellybean gets it. I have been known to contaminate a grocery store aisle, and a fitting room to name a few and guess what? I don't care. The books weren't lying when they say that increased gas is a symptom of pregnancy!
Another, and somewhat more embarrassing public display has been my breast adjustment and flat out itching. I can't help it, people!!! First of all, have I mentioned that my breasts have gotten huge?! I laugh when I read back to an earlier entry when I was actually complaining that there was no growth in this arena! Cause there is no stopping them now. I have jumped one cup size and am nearly to a second one! And let's face it, growth itches, plain and simple! Oh yeah, I have literally reached in under my shirt, under my bra, grabbed a handful of boob, adjusted it and then had a good itch, all in public at least 3 or 4 times now. I simply cannot help it, and Oh My Word it feels sooooo good. If people can't handle it, look away! Or better yet gawk and stare, I don't care. My Mom is probably gasping in shock right now, all her good mothering down the drain! She probably can't relate, as she told me the other night that she didn't grow a single little bit with either of her two pregnancies (in the breast department)... and she is little to begin with!
Other than my public displays of rudeness, what else? I am having a lot of fun! I am definitely in the honeymoon period! I am full of energy (yesterday I swept and mopped our huge kitchen floor, vacuumed, mowed both the front and rear lawns, did dishes and laundry, and played with Josh!), nausea-free, and generally really really happy. Its funny how much being sick (nauseous) and exhausted affects your daily outlook. I actually like my job again, and love my house, etc!
I started that prenatal yoga class last week and LOVED it! It is definitely the right class for me. I have never felt more connected and bonded with Jellybean this entire pregnancy. Just being with other pregnant women chatting about motherhood and pregnancy was so enriching and then doing some of the poses and chanting "I can birth this baby" made me feel so completely empowered. I wish it is more than one day a week. In addition to the spiritual benefits of bonding with my baby, I can tell it is going to be a physical help in carrying my growing load and in labor and delivery. The breathing techniques and focus points, as well as squats and stretches are so helpful. At one point when we were holding (like a contraction, the instructor times it) a particularly difficult pose (using those leg muscles) the instructor said to focus on something happy. I used the heartbeat I had heard earlier in the day to focus and it totally worked, the pain was so much more manageable. I am going to start going to the non-prenatal yoga class at my gym to supplement and help really build my legs up because I think squatting would be such a natural way to birth Jellybean.
Josh's reaction to my pregnancy continues to be amazing. He hugs and kisses Jellybean all the time and is now talking to Jellybean, too. He tells Jellybean "I love you and I can't wait till you come out". He also gives my belly zurblurts (loud belly kisses, where you plant your lips and blow really hard)….he say's "Time to wake up Jellybean" or "Just making sure you're in there, Jellybean"! I absolutely love it. We had some pillow time the other morning with Daddy and we discussed the good and bad of having Jellybean come into our lives, and he never really came up with anything bad. I can tell by other comments he has made that he is a bit concerned about the time that Nic and I will have for him, but other than that he is really excited to have another sibling.
Nic and I, on the other hand, have been so busy that we haven't really connected over this baby yet. I know that there is plenty of time, but it is hard to not be a little disappointed. I think now that I have been feeling better and am more visibly excited he feels less obligated to be baby focused. Which is fine, it is not his body that is serving as a minute by minute, second by second reminder of an impending little one. I just hope that in the coming weeks we will find some time to just focus just on Jellybean growing inside my belly. Our big ultrasound is next week so I am sure that will be a BIG time bonding experience. I can't wait!!
I had another doctor's appointment last week. I told Nic not to take time off work for this one as I knew it would be a simple, short visit and it was. But hearing the heartbeat again was so exciting. I just laid there and soaked it in. It was 140 beats per minute (slower than last month, but the doc said that's fine and normal). What a marvelous sound. It makes you take sharp attention and say 'why yes, there is a little life in there, isn't there?!' Everything with the pregnancy and Jellybean is fine. However, weight gain was totally excessive (by my standards) but the doctor said that it was fine because overall I am right on track to gain about 30-35 pounds. Yikes, gulp, swallow (Weight Watchers here I come again)! Also, she sent my urine off to the lab because I might have a UTI (urinary tract infection). They are quite common with pregnancy and I used to be prone to them, before I discovered the magic trick of urinating immediately after intercourse, so I am not worried in the least. In fact, a positive result would provide a medical explanation for all the times I feel this pinching sensation and an urge to go only to have a trickle come out. So we shall see.
Other than all of that... the baby is kicking and thanks to a reader's email I am sure of it. She told me that she is a few weeks ahead of me and that what I was feeling is exactly what she felt and now that the kicks are stronger she knows for sure what they were. So thanks to her kind words I, too, am certain. I just love to feel it and can't wait for Nic and Josh to be able to feel it, too.
Until next week.