~ So much to do and so little time
Well, it appears the headache is low blood sugar and not related to my high blood pressure. The nurse called and told me the doctor wanted me to eat six small meals a day to keep my blood sugar from diving constantly. The funny part is I am barely able to eat 2-3 small meals now, but I am trying to eat more. The headaches have backed up a bit so it must be helping. My weekly doctor's appointment ended with a visit across the quad to labor and delivery. The baby had been so quiet all day. The doctor checked his heartbeat and it was good but he had moved only once and it was after four. She assured me he was fine but wanted to have me monitored just to be safe. I spent about 3 hours being monitored because surprisingly when they started monitoring him they found I was having contractions about five minutes apart. They weren't horribly strong which is why I didn't notice them, but there they were. They had me drink a pitcher of juice and continued to monitor me. The baby became quite active during the monitoring and the contractions dropped to every twenty minutes after the juice. Secretly, I had hoped maybe this was it. But in eventually they sent me home to stay in bed and continue to hold on to the 13th.
On one hand I am so ready I am so ready to have this baby and on the other hand I feel there are a million things to do. So much cleaning and I am supposed to be lying down so I can't get much done. I make lists and lists. I admit I couldn't take it anymore and found myself sitting on the floor cleaning my spice rack and pan cabinets because I am sure these items are very important for Tyler's arrival. I just know my whole family is going to be in my house and I will be at the hospital. I need groceries, snacks for the kids and breakfast. Do I have enough pillows, blankets, juice? My sister keeps telling me to calm down and that they are all grown-ups and can take care of themselves but I keep stressing.
I guess the bed rest is finally making me crazy. I have so much time to think and I go without any human companionship for almost 12 hours a day, it can wear on a person after five weeks. The lists with pillows and juice are the less stressful of my thoughts. I find myself having mortality issues. I find myself crying for no reason and I have these moments of unreal fear that I am not coming home. I have had so many health issues over the last year and all the tests for Tyler have been whacky and it always ends up being me that is out of whack. Honestly, I am terrified. I keep thinking what my Trysta is going to do without me and do I have everything in order. It just makes me cry more and my husband is helpless to make me feel better. I know he thinks I have gone off the deep end. My sister told me she went through the same thing with Daisy and I am not insane. I hope so because I did not cry this much when I was pregnant with Trysta and I had my husband in Iraq. I would have thought this time would be easier, but they are right--every pregnancy is different and having Trysta did not prepare me for the roller coaster I would have with Tyler.
Well, I am nearing the end of my journey whether Tyler wants to come or not, February 13th he will be joining the world. My next entry will be his birth and some pictures of that face he was so determined to hide from me for the past 9 months.
Till then . . .