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Ciara's Pregnancy Journal

Week 15
~ Dreams or Nightmares

I have always had dream-filled nights for as long as I can remember. Now that I'm pregnant the dreams are more vivid, life-like, and downright weird! Sometimes there is meaning behind them. For instance, since John works on Saturdays right now Sunday is our day to "sleep in." Unfortunately the baby does not want mommy to sleep in very long. Normally I have breakfast (I have fallen in love with Coco Puffs) at 6:30 every morning. So about that time on Sunday I wake up from some very real dream that is strange and chaotic and had something to do with me eating, standing in line to get food that never comes, or shopping at the grocery store. Almost every night, I am plagued with a dream that makes no sense at all and is always different but ends the same . . . with my younger sister Marisa appearing out of nowhere and we hug, and cry and I clutch on to her before I awake.

I haven't been speaking with my parents for a while. Even though I still get to talk to my sister through text messages (she has her own phone) and emails, not being able to see her has been weighing on me a lot. I haven't told them or her that I'm pregnant and I really don't know what to do about that. I don't want to open up communication with my parents but I would hate for my sister to miss my wedding and getting to meet her niece or nephew.

People are shocked to hear that I'm still haven't made peace with my parents, as if my being pregnant should make all our issues go away and we will just all goo and gaa over the little one, pretending that nothing happened to cause the great divide. I have finally been happy now that I'm away from their emotional abuse and drama. My dreams are also full of my parents making amends and us tentatively becoming a family (that we've never been) but those are dreams--not real life!

Well, anyway, this week has been better since my sickness is starting to go away. Every now and again I feel a little sick to my stomach but at least it's not every moment of the day! I'm so glad for this part to be passing. At first I lost 16 pounds. Now I'm turning the other direction and I gained 3 prounds! Exciting! My appetite is not completely back yet but I hope that will come next.

Since I work with a bunch of ladies, I hear all sorts of pregnancy stories every day. A lot of the women are surprised that I don't eat more or have more of the issues they did. That's the most important thing I've learned--very pregnancy is different! As much as I appreciate all the advice and stories that are shared with me, not everything they say applies to me. The biggest thing that everyone wants to talk about is : "What will the baby be?" I know the moment we learn the sex of the baby, the news will be spread out across emails, text messages, and profiles. Half the people at work think it will be a boy, and half think it'll be a girl. John had a dream that we were at the doctor and they told us it was a boy. Now he's convinced and swears that's what it's going to be! Of course that's what he hoped to have in the first place so I'm not so sure how much we can rely on that dream.

Until next week . . .

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