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Denise's Pregnancy Journal

Week 31
~ Major Meltdown . . .

I've lost it. Completely. Everything has me in tears and I feel frustrated beyond belief. I feel myself exhausted and I lose my patience so quickly with Tanner and I'm trying so hard to keep things in control. It's not his fault that I'm tired and he's just being a typical 3.5 year old. There is a lot more praying going on in my world. I have to keep telling myself that I can make it for another 8 weeks. I don't have any other choice. I guess this is my "not ready moment" that I've been waiting for. I had one with Tanner around month four and Dereck had one already with this one, but I haven't. So I guess I'll chalk this up to that. I know it's all related to being tired and all the wonderful things that come in the last trimester, but it's still hard for me to keep my composure in the heat of the moment. Work is really wiping me out by the end of the day and we are really busy right now so it's hard for me to stay upbeat.

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The baby's room is probably 1/4 done and there is that sinking feeling that it's not going to get done in time. And to top it off, we have a mouse in the house. I say mouse, but usually if there's one, there's more. I discovered the evidence (droppings) in a dresser drawer in the baby's room and then also on the floor below Tanner's bed when we re-arranged furniture. I completely freaked out and went to Lowe's and bought every type of bait and traps available and I just hope I can catch the critter(s) immediately. I don't even want to think about were those things crawl and especially being in the same room as my babies! Not happy, not happy at all. Could this posting be more depressing? I'm sorry, I just had to vent (again).

I have another doctor appointment this week and I'm excited to hear the heartbeat. It's such a re-assuring sound. I'm having Braxton-Hicks contractions on a regular basis and feeling movement most of the day, and most of the night. It's very active, and seems to make four in the morning the perfect time to practice kick-boxing. We still don't have a girl's name picked. I'm just waiting for the right one to jump out at me. I'm getting more anxious to meet this little miracle and to see who he/she looks like. Tanner is convinced (due to his Dad's encouragement) that it will be a boy with blue eyes just like him and Daddy. If I'm to be in a house full of boys, I'd like at least one of them to have my brown eyes. I'll let you know how this week goes after the doctor and thank you all for listening!

~ Denise

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