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Denise's Pregnancy Journal

Week 33
~ It's Official . . .

I have cankles. For those of you that don't know what a cankle is, it's when ankles are as big as your calf muscle . . . cankle. I knew I couldn't avoid it but I just didn't want to have that horrible stuffed like a sausage feeling below the knee for the next 7 weeks. Obviously I don't have a choice at this point; I'll just do my best to keep my feet propped when I get home. I also no longer have a belly button. It amazes me what our bodies go through and how we ever decide to go through it again. I'm not sleeping much due to intense hip and butt pain. I feel like a beached whale rolling from side to side throughout the night, and no matter how many pillows I shove around, under and between my legs it doesn't help. I still have my snoring habit and we have not made it another night in the same room since last week. We tried last night again, but only made it until 12:30. Dereck says I'm making a bigger deal out of it than I should, but I just feel so bad that he has to go sleep on the couch or in the spare bed in Tanner's room. I also just miss him. I miss the cuddling and even the intimacy (not that I feel very sexy at this point). I guess I'm just paranoid that it's NOT going to go away after the baby is born. I'm almost over my cold and I hope to be able to breathe somewhat normally again. It's hard enough to catch my breath now, but to have my nose completely plugged up was a huge challenge.

The baby is fairly active, though I find moments of panic when I ask myself "ok, when was the last time you felt movement" and then immediately I'll feel a flutter or tickle. I guess I'm just too busy throughout the day at work that I don't really notice it as much as I do at night when I actually relax a bit. I find myself starting to freak a little bit about delivery. I think it's because I now know what to truly expect. With Tanner, I think I went in blind, I'm mean, I did the whole birthing class thing, read books, etc, but no one can really tell you what to expect. So in my mind I think I'd prepared myself for this awful, horrifying experience, but in reality, I was blessed with a fairly easy delivery. But now I'm thinking, ok is it going to be the same or worse? Again, worrying over it does nothing and why I waste my energy thinking about it is beyond me, but I'm just a worry freak! (Ask anyone that knows me really well and they'll all say I have issues.) I worry that I'll go early and my parents won't be back from their big New Zealand trip, I worry that it will be in the middle of the night and what do I do with Tanner, I worry it will be Christmas Eve (actual due date) and I'll miss Christmas morning with Dereck and Tanner. I worry, worry, worry over such piddly things that I'm ashamed of myself. UGH!!

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Ok enough about worries, I'll recap the last week or so and I have to tell you that Halloween was a hit! Tanner looked sooooo cut (I'll get pictures posted soon, I promise) and the weather was awesome. We didn't have to wear jackets or coats and I even wore flip-flops. That doesn't happen often in the Midwest for Halloween; it's usually raining or freezing. Tanner couldn't wait to run from one house to the next and he did really good with the "trick or treat" and saying "thank-you". We got home, went through his candy and allowed him to pick two pieces and then we put the rest away. (Would you believe he hasn't asked once since then for a piece of candy?) My sister and nephew came to our house and went with us and then they spent the night. The boys are exactly six weeks apart in age and they had such a good time together.

We spent most of the next day hanging out and then headed to our parents to celebrate our Mom's birthday. It was a little bit smaller gathering than normal. Half of our spouses were missing (I'm one of five children, all married but one). Dereck stayed home; he got hit with the cold that I gave him, my sister's husband was out of town hunting and my brother's wife had a stomach bug. My other sister's husband made it, but we all joked that he missed the memo to stay home . . . ha ha. It was a nice visit overall and we even built a bonfire at dark and made smores. Tanner enjoyed the roasting of the marshmallows more than the eating of them (which is fine by me!) to quote "I like to cook, not eat" . . . such a funny little kid. He crashed on the way home since he missed a nap that day (second day in a row actually) and he slept in on Sunday due to the lack of nap and time change. It was nice, we all got up and headed to a local diner for breakfast. It was delicious and I didn't have to cook it! Then Dereck had the home show so Tanner and I just vegged out; he took a great nap and I actually watched a movie from beginning to end without a single interruption.

The rest of the week has gone fairly quickly; it's just been hard to adjust to driving home from work at sunset. The time change makes it feel so much later and I find myself in a rush to get dinner cooked thinking it's past seven when really it's only a little after six. I'm off tomorrow and I hope to get more done in the baby's room and put some other stuff away. I feel the need to de-clutter a bit and I'm hoping to convince my Mom to come over and help.

Well, only 7 more weeks until Christmas! So if you haven't started shopping, ya'll better get started . . . it will be here before you know it.

Have a great weekend and thanks for reading along!

~ Denise

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