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Donna's Pregnancy Journal ~ a story of pregnancy after infertility

Week 11
~ Pregnant and Paranoid

Well, so much for being so smug about everything going along fine!!! The week started out busy at work ~ two major presentations to do, one on Friday and the other for the following Monday. Well after being at work until 7 p.m. on Thursday evening getting the last touches on the presentation for the next morning, I went home and went straight to bed, as it was an 0800 start. I woke up around 11.15 p.m. to go to the loo, (I have been getting up to go to the loo about twice a night since about seven weeks) and there it was ~ BLOOD. I was bleeding!

I was home by myself as Lionel was on a night shift (his last before he started four weeks holiday), and I just lost it and burst into tears. I rang him at the ambulance station and he raced around in the ambulance to be with me. Initially there were only smears of blood and when we rang our midwife, she said if it remained a light blood flow, there was nothing to do, and we would get a scan done next week. Just as Lionel went to go back to work to return the ambulance and come home again, I stood up and there was a huge gush of fresh blood. Lionel took me to the hospital in the ambulance, and I spent the night there. The ultrasound scan showed the baby was still moving around (thank God), my bloods were okay (Beta HCG 99700), and my cervix was closed. So it was just this bleeding that was concerning us. I decided not to stay in hospital as all they were going to do was put me on bedrest and "monitor" me. I knew I would rest better at home, so we left the hospital at 0400 hours.

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I spent the next four days on bedrest and the bleeding stopped on Monday. I went to the midwife today (Tuesday) who found everything was okay, but I couldn't have a scan as the doctor was not there, and she can't do scans. So I'm having the scan in two days time.

I was so very scared throughout and am only now relaxing a little more and beginning to feel a lot more positive about the baby surviving this episode. But it won't be until I have the next scan on Thursday that I really believe we both have gotten through this. I will take this week off work. My midwife suggested two weeks, but I think I can tolerate going back to work next week but will have to monitor my stress levels etc, and ensure I don't get too tired.

I find it really easy to slip back into my thinking and start believing this baby will not make it. I guess this comes from having four years of month after month getting upset about not being pregnant. After awhile, you get so used to this you just start expecting it to fail, and I'm finding myself slipping back into this cycle of thoughts. But I'm determined not to lose hope ~ this baby is going to make it, and this is just a small glitch!!! My family and friends have been so supportive, and I can't tell you how great it has been that Lionel has been home with me through out.

Well, here's to the scan on Thursday. I'm really looking forward to seeing this baby moving just to reassure this paranoid mother!!


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