~ To Know or Not to Know
To know or not to know; that is the question. Actually, for me it isn't. With both Kathryn and Mychaela I would have been just fine being surprised as to whether they were a boy or girl on their birth dates, but Daddy needed to know. With the passing of Mychaela I'm starting to really anticipate finding out the sex of this baby. It is as if once I find out the sooner I can start bonding with this new son or daughter.
I know that most people, especially after the loss of a baby, would hope for just a successful birth story, but to be honest there is a part of me that desperately hopes I am having a boy. The thought of having a baby girl is just overwhelming . . . how do I find a more beautiful name than Mychaela Joelle? How do I choose another crib set that is pretty and frilly? I can't even think of buying another infant car seat right now.
I know this may seem a bit ridiculous, but I don't want others to think that if this baby is a girl that it would replace Mychaela. It's as if a boy will make this whole experience different, something that I haven't yet experienced.
I suppose that I will just have to wait until the 25th. I could have had the ultra-sound sooner, but I wanted it to correspond with my OB appointment. At that time we will also have a more definitive due date, but all things being as they are, it looks like an amnio will be performed at 38 weeks which would put the due date on May 28th.
This baby has really been moving and each movement brings me such joy, each day I am cognizant (as with Kathryn) to thank God for this miracle of life that is growing inside of me.