Believe it or not Bill and I have already decided on a name for our baby boy. This name has always been in our hearts as it was the name that he and I had chosen for our previous two babies; except they turned out to be girls!
The name we have always loved is Liam Michael Sloan. Liam is the Irish form of William (in honor of the Daddy) and Michael now honors the memory of Liam's sister Mychaela (feminine form of Michael).
I've already been online looking at crib sets for boys and being so excited is wonderful as I was sort of expecting the opposite. A part of me feels the need to hold back from buying anything as my innocence during pregnancy is gone. And yet, I cannot help but buy small things: boy socks, a blue brush set, and have gone through Kathryn's things for the gender neutral clothes for Baby Liam.
I love hearing Kathryn say his name and rub my stomach. I love feeling him move inside of me and talking to him. I imagine what he will look like and have mixed feelings as to whether he'll resemble his sister Kathryn or Mychaela.
Knowing that I am having a C-section I've also been thinking a lot about whether or not I want to be awake or knocked out. A part of me wants to hear him cry and another part of me is terrified of being awake and just hearing silence. I'm going to talk about this with my OB on Friday. We also are going to talk because it looks as if my placenta is low lying, but doesn't seem to be covering the cervix. I've had no bleeding and am not too concerned since a vaginal birth isn't going to be happening anyway. I'll keep you all posted.
Oh, I'm also going to a baby shower for the first time since Mychaela passed. This will be interesting as it is for a baby girl. I tried to buy a card the other day, but as soon as I picked up the "It's a girl" cards I just started sobbing in the store. I think I'll just get a generic "baby" card and if need be escape from the shower if it is too overwhelming. I thought I was ready when I made the RSVP but now I'm getting nervous. What was I thinking?