Week 23 ~ February 8, 2008
~ The Power of a Kick
If you are reading this, and have never been pregnant before, than take this next part very seriously: treasure every kick, every little pain of your stomach growing and shifting weight, every stretch mark that shows you are being transformed into a mother.
I love waking up to Liam's poking and prodding. His somersaults make my heart fill with such love and longing to see this little man growing inside of me. In anticipation of his birth I went ahead and filled out all the hospital forms and consent for circumcision. I filled out the birth certificate with his name and prayed to God to keep him safe until I can hold him.
I've been reading a book that has been very helpful titled Pregnancy After Loss and as suggested I wrote a letter that was enclosed with the paper work telling about the life of Mychaela and my hesitations and gratitude to the nurses and admittance staff at the hospital. I shared with them my hopes and dreams for Liam and thanked them ahead of time for the part they will play in his life. I don't know if they'll be able to read half of it as it is covered with giant tear spots, but it felt so nice to be able to write out all of my fears, feelings, and dreams.
I'm writing this at a very interesting time of year for me as our family celebrates and practices the Lenten season. I remember being pregnant with Mychaela this time last year and thought of how painful it must have been for Mary to see her son suffer and die. Now I feel this even at a deeper level of my soul as I mourn the loss of my own daughter. I envy Mary in that we believe she saw her son alive again after three days and that I only have a beautiful glass blown urn that holds the remains of my baby. These are deep emotions where pain and comfort exist together, because I treasure the belief of seeing my daughter one day in heaven and the hope of holding Liam here on earth.
If this is your first pregnancy or you have suffered loss, treasure the time you have with your baby in your womb. My fears, my dreams of what might have been with Mychaela, my hopes for Liam and the joy of moving life, the life that lives with me now in Kathryn, it all became real with the power of a kick.