Week 36 ~ May 7, 2008
~ Holy Cow!
It's all starting to sink in, twenty-two days and the chaos begins. Kathryn and I packed Liam's bag for the hospital today. Carefully chosen outfits, tiny diapers and wipes, soft blankets, and a prayer of hope and safety were placed inside. Thinking on it now I choke back tears as I remember placing the same items inside this same bag a little over a year ago for Mychaela.
Deep breaths and hands rubbing my tummy to feel the squirming baby that waits inside brings me back to the reality that a new miracle has taken place and will soon be manifest in my arms.
I will have a son.
It sounds strange when I speak this out loud as I have only birthed daughters. The thought of a son is something so very different but also wonderful.
I'm also going to go visit a friend who has a son around Kathryn's age and who lost a son in her eighth month of pregnancy the same way in which Mychaela died, with no medical explanation to help give credence to the heartbreak. I think no matter what a person may grieve, to find someone who has been there to experience something similar makes the journey not quite as lonely.
Next Saturday is the baby shower too. I've never had one! Kathryn was born on the date of her shower and for some reason we never planned one for Mychaela. So Liam will be the only one of my kids to have a pre-birth birthday bash! I found the cutest little set that says, "I'm the big sister. I'm the little brother" for Kathryn and Liam for Kathryn to unwrap on that day. I also have been reading, Julius, Baby of the World to Kathryn but inserting her and Liam's name. Needless to say it's quite humorous as she helps read out loud with me and hopefully I am not confusing her that there is a "baby mouse" inside my tummy!
I am tired, but Liam is a wiggle worm and each squirm reminds me that he is alive. I know that at the end of this journey the prize of a son is well worth the aches and pains.
Take care all,