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Emily's Pregnancy Journal


Week 20
~ Halfway!

Emily at 20 weeksWell, we have made it to the halfway point. Although, if my trend continues to be as it has in the past and be a little on the early side, then hopefully we won't have a full twenty weeks left to go. When I think of there being about twenty weeks left, it seems like a tremendous amount of time right now. However, looking back, I cannot believe how fast the first half went, so I am hoping the rest goes by just as fast.

I have been having some cramping and backaches this past week. The backaches are undoubtedly related to the fact my belly is getting pretty far out there. It finally occurred to me though that the cramping is the beginning of the Braxton Hicks, but are still fairly mild. When I am sitting it does seem to be a little worse, but I realize that my lower abdomen is really tight and I really have to concentrate to try and relax those muscles. I am a little surprised that they have shown up so soon, but I have heard that it is fairly common for them to show up earlier with each subsequent pregnancy. Lovely! I remember by the end of my pregnancy with Titus they were bordering on painful. I'm really not looking forward to that again.

We also had a doctor appointment this past week and Jeremy was able to go with me and help out with the kiddos. Everything went well and baby's heart rate was right about 160 bpm. The nurse said my blood pressure was a little on the high side for me at 137/74, but obviously not horrible. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the stress free environment we are living in right now. My doctor is still saying we are having a girl . . . and so is Jeremy.

Before going into this next part, I feel like there is something I need to clarify first. Back in January, when we had our miscarriage, we really wanted to pick out a name to help with the closure side of things for us. We really did not want to just go with two names, but were not sure at that point how to go about it. A friend of ours suggested that we pray about it and let God show us if we were having a boy or girl, so the thought occurred to us, "What if we write down both names, put them in a hat, pray over it, and let God decide for us?" So that is what we did. However, Jeremy had the thought of also putting down two names on one paper to cover for twins. Well, we did pull out two names, and it was a bit on the shocking, and even more disheartening that we had lost two babies.

For a while I thought, there was no point in putting all of this down because I thought people might think we are crazy. Well, we are crazy I guess, and I have finally come to the realization I really don't care what anyone says, because this is what is real for us. It has really bothered me to not refer to the miscarriage as two babies instead of one, a precious little boy and girl, but I didn't want to cause confusion for everyone or go into all of the details. It feels good to have the air cleared though now.

Coming up on September 10th, would have been the due date for our babies we lost. I did not think that the whole date thing would affect me. I used to think that it's just a date and we can just move on anyway. I am finding it much more difficult than that though. It's so hard to not think about what would have been, when they would have been born, what they would have looked like, and just how much we are missing out on. I know so many people have gone through this and my heart breaks for them. It's rough and I'm sure there will be many more times like this. Sigh!

Here is a picture of me at twenty weeks. I am not sure if I will make it to the end before the belly bursts. I have been starting to get the twin comments again too. Well usually they ask when I'm due first, and I'm sure they are thinking any day now. But, when I tell them not till the end of December, it's either complete shock, or "Are you sure you are not having twins?" "Yes! I'm just huge, thank you!"

Hope you have a wonderful week!
Emily


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